Often, having the feeling that we have control over things that happen gives us a certain sense of peace of mind. However, some people feel such a need for control that they end up suffering greatly from everything they cannot control.
Throughout this article I will explain to you what it is the rebound effect produced by the need for control. First, we will talk about the origin of the need for control and its impact on our lives. In addition, we also explore what we can really control. Finally, we will talk about acceptance as the basis of control and other strategies.
How does the need for control arise and how does it impact our lives?
It is important to understand that The desire for control is something inherent to human beings. since it has been a kind of defense mechanism that has allowed the species to survive. Our ancestors lived in dangerous environments and having minimal control over their environment (getting food, shelter, etc.) allowed them to stay alive.
This desire to control has been maintained throughout time and the evolution of our species and it is undeniable that it has an impact on our mind. Our brain has a hard time managing uncertainty and, that is why certain situations in which we feel we have no control can generate so much anxiety.
The rebound effect: when trying to control turns against us
One aspect to take into account when we talk about controlling our environment is the fact that we live in an increasingly unpredictable world. The complexity of our society, the pace at which it advances and the constant changes make it more and more complex for our brain to predict patterns or events.
While it is true that the desire to control the environment is natural, it is also important to understand that some people will feel it more than others due to various factors. In fact, for some of them, more than a desire, it is a need. When this happens, The level of discomfort usually increases to levels that generate serious consequences in people’s lives.
The rebound effect when we talk about the need for control refers precisely to this type of situation. We could say that excessive efforts made to have control of the environment or certain situations end up generating high stress and discomfort. The more you try to control, the less sense of control you have. It’s a kind of cycle that feeds on itself.
Why is this happening? The more you try to control external factors, the more mental rigidity, body tension, difficulties in emotional management and stress management. In these situations, it is common to feel high frustration and anxiety accompanied by physical difficulties and other problems that can worsen over time and lead to serious pathologies.
For some people, the need for control reaches such extremes that situations of abuse and manipulation can even occur. For this reason and what was stated above in relation to the great suffering it generates, it is necessary to become aware of how we relate to control and uncertainty in order to be able to ask for help if necessary.
Seeing the impact that the need for control can have on our physical and mental health, it is necessary to reflect on what we can really control. In this sense, it is crucial to internalize that There are external and foreign aspects to us that are not in our hands and, therefore, we will not be able to control.
Some examples of this are the way other people think, act and feel. Therefore, it is especially interesting to focus only on the things that are in our hands. These are those related to our internal world (our decisions, behaviors and the management we do of both our thoughts and our emotions).
Acceptance as the basis of authentic control
We know that what was stated in the previous section can be really difficult for those people who suffer so much when they cannot control the environment around them. Working with acceptance is key in this sense. But what should we accept?
Working with acceptance involves the integration that there are certain external aspects that we will never be able to control. Besides, Control does not guarantee that things will happen as planned or that they will be “perfect.”.
With this work he focuses on the idea that true control lies in learning to manage one’s own internal processes. That is, instead of trying to change the environment, we learn to take responsibility for our internal processes (thoughts, behaviors and emotional regulation). In this way we get that feeling of security that we seek outside.
There is no magic recipe to work with this need for control since we have seen that desire is inherent in human beings. However, there are certain tools that can help. Among them, some stand out such as mindfulness, relaxation techniques, emotional regulation and working with acceptance.
We have already seen throughout the article that the need for control can lead to serious physical, emotional and mental consequences.
