These Are The Anxiety Problems Caused By Emotional Dependence
Emotional dependence is an emotional alteration that can greatly erode the quality of life of those who suffer from it, or even constitute psychopathology in some cases. This phenomenon arises relatively frequently in the context of relationships, which is why it often appears in the context of couples therapy as one of the main problems that affect marriages and courtships.
This type of dependency is characterized by a constant search for affection, love or approval from the person(s) on whom one depends, and during its course a series of elements that generate stress, discomfort or anxiety occur. In this article we will focus on this last aspect, that is, anxiety problems caused by the dynamics of emotional dependency.
What are the main anxiety problems caused by emotional dependence?
This is a brief list of the most common ways in which emotional dependence mixes with anxiety problems, generating a vicious circle in which both elements reinforce each other. To do this, we will take couple relationships as an example.
1. Abandonment panic
One of the main symptoms suffered by people with emotional dependence is a permanent fear of being rejected by their partners and the subsequent conviction that once abandoned, they will never be able to find anyone else.
This is one of the thoughts that generate the most anxiety in emotional dependence, the constant idea that our partner will leave us at any moment and that we will not be able to do anything to avoid it.
Likewise, the reasons that the person considers for being abandoned can be varied and do not always correspond to reality. Some of these reasons could be an argument, making a specific mistake of any kind, no matter how small, or an unfortunate comment.
2. Believing that one’s own happiness depends on the other person
In addition to the fear of rejection or abandonment, people with emotional dependence often believe that their own happiness depends on the other person; That is why they seek your company and affection at all times, entering a state of hypervigilance and trying to perfectly control their own actions so as not to step out of line with what is supposed to be acceptable. They believe that it is not only a constant struggle to maintain the relationship, but to maintain one’s own psychological integrity..
This obsessive and irrational thought is closely related to the fear of loneliness and the belief that if their partner leaves them they will never be able to find love.
All these recurring thoughts are great generators of anxiety and in the long run they have a very negative influence on the person’s mental health.
3. Believing that you are not enough
The recurring belief that deep down you are not enough for the other person is another of the most common dynamics in the daily lives of people who are emotionally dependent. It makes the emotionally dependent person feel that they must constantly “compensate” the other person for staying by their side. Of course, Taking on this burden generates a lot of stress and anxiety, since there is hardly any time to relax or dedicate moments to oneself..
On the other hand, this feeling contributes to reducing their levels of self-esteem, causing a feedback effect.
4. Fear of making decisions
Another of the most common sources of anxiety and discomfort in people who present cases of emotional dependence is a total rejection of making decisions about anything that affects both of them.
This is explained by the fear of failure, by believe that the other member of the couple will do it better and has better criteria to choose for both of them. “My criteria have no value, I think I’m boring… so, if you don’t like what I propose, you can get tired of me and leave me.” But since many situations require you to choose yourself (for example, if the other person is busy), this leads to high anxiety situations.
5. Total submission
This renunciation of making any type of decision is also related to a total and absolute submission to the other member of the couple on whom one is emotionally dependent.
People with emotional dependence tend to systematically accept any request, demand or initiative that comes from their partner without questioning or discussing it at any time for fear of generating any anger or conflict. And the fact of knowing that they won’t be able to say no, makes them almost never able to relaxbecause unforeseen requests may arise at any time.
6. Constant need for affection
The aforementioned elements can be summarized in the constant need for the affection and love of their partners that people with emotional dependence feel. You need to be certain that the other person continues to feel affection or love towards you, given that the value of the emotionally dependent person is always in question. Events like “he said goodbye to me earlier than usual today” can generate thoughts like “he doesn’t love me anymore,” and that triggers a cloud of rumination that never ends, causing us to have impulsive behaviors of getting closer or harassing. Have they never told you “you’re a bore”? It is your anxiety that is acting for you.
This daily and permanent search can very negatively affect your mental health and contributes to generating states of anxiety sustained over time for years.
Do you want to have professional psychological help?
If you have identified yourself, we can talk about it and work point by point on how to get out of this suffering situation. You deserve a life worth living.
If you are looking for individual or couples psychotherapeutic support, I invite you to contact me. My name is Leticia Martínez Val and I serve adults and adolescents either in my office located in Zaragoza or online.
