They Take Advantage of Me for Being Generous, Do I Have to Stop It?

Sometimes if you are so generous you can feel that others take advantage of you and then leave. Today I explain what traits lead you to that and how to learn to put filters on generosity.

It seems that generosity is not something very common in a fast-paced world where everyone does their own thing, however, there are very dedicated people who give everything, help whenever someone needs it and then what they receive is usually an interested relationship. , they disappear at the first opportunity and disappoint you.

Evidently it’s good to be a generous person, but you have to know how to apply filters, that is, you have to know how to do it and when to do it. I wish we could live in a world where we were all generous, but assuming that there are people who can take advantage of the generosity of others, it is important to know when to do so and when not to.

There are people who can join you suddenly, with the intention of having a deep friendship with you and they show it to you, so that you trust and are there for whatever that person needs. But when the person achieves her goal, she distances herself or disappears altogether.

Why do they always end up taking advantage of you?

You don’t know how you do it, it seems like you have a magnet that attracts only interested people, but in reality, there are aspects of you that cause that profile to be the one who approaches you.

You feel obliged to always help: Surely you will have received an education based on altruism and helping others. You have grown up with the belief that to be a good person you cannot reject a request for help (whatever it may be and no matter how sacrificial it may be) and even if they do not ask you, you have to offer yourself.
You prioritize others above yourself: Even if helping someone means harming yourself or is uncomfortable for you, you will always do it. For example: you have met for dinner with some friends and you have brought your car so you can get home sooner. At the end of dinner you see that one of your friends has to take a taxi to return home and you feel that it is your obligation to help him, so you offer to take him to his house even if it is in the opposite direction from yours, you spend double or triple gas and arrive an hour later. The feeling you have is that your discomfort or dissatisfaction doesn’t matter, the important thing is to help others even without being asked.
It costs you say no: You feel bad every time you deny something. It’s like you always have to be available to everyone at any time, even when it can hurt you. I’ll give you an example: You are in the office and a colleague asks you for help because you are very good at doing something that the rest are not. You willingly help him and go back to your place, but then another classmate asks you for help and you go again. In the end you end up doing part of your colleagues’ work and yours is left half done so your boss calls you to his office to give you a wake-up call because you are not performing enough.
You are afraid of rejection: The previous behavior of prioritizing others and not knowing how to say no is often related to the fear of rejection. Everyone has to like you and that’s why you insist on sacrificing yourself for everyone, they have to see you for what you are: a good person, although what you haven’t thought about is that maybe they see you as the person they like. they can be used. You think that if you lose people you will be alone and that will be your fault, because you haven’t done what you should have done.
You are afraid of criticism and avoid conflict: In addition to the fear of rejection, there is usually fear of the negative things they may think about you. That is something that scares you, that people are talking bad about you, that they criticize you, that they consider that you are not a good person, etc. And for that reason you avoid conflict, you settle, you don’t say what bothers you and even though you know that they are criticizing you, you stay silent.
Your self-esteem is low: All of the above sums up to low self-esteem. You don’t love yourself enough and you hope that if you give yourself 1000 x 1000 people will love you and you will feel better.

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How can generosity be filtered?

It’s not about stopping being a generous person, but about taking care of yourself and respecting when to do so.

Stop always offering yourself: Sometimes it can come out of yourself to offer help, but generally it is better to wait for the other person to ask for it. And if you offer, it may be because it is not especially expensive or burdensome for you to do so or because the person in front of you matters a lot to you (and that cannot happen to everyone, only with a few people in your life, since otherwise then you also have a problem when it comes to filtering people).
When someone asks you for help, assess if they deserve it and if you can/want to: If you feel you have an obligation to help anyone, anytime, you will continue to be taken advantage of. If the person asking you for help is a person who has failed or disappointed you, perhaps he or she is not worthy of that award. Furthermore, you should not only think about whether you can help or if you have the time, it is also important to ask yourself if you want to do it. Remember that in this life it is important to take care of yourself and that means prioritizing yourself and giving yourself value.
Suggest that he find other people to ask for help: If he always turns to you, help him consider other options, tell him to ask other people around him for help and that you can’t always be pulling his chest out of the fire, that he has to learn to look for other alternatives.
Accept criticism: Not everyone can like you because not everyone is made to fit in with each other. Accept it. That implies that there will be people who will criticize you and that’s okay, the important thing is if you like who you are. If so, move on, and if you don’t like who you are, change it. Also, maybe it’s time to get away from people who don’t do you any good.
Improve your social skills and learn to say no: Learn to be an assertive person and defend your rights, refuse and express disagreement in the best way possible.
Accept rejection: It goes hand in hand with critical acceptance. If you don’t help people who criticize you, they are likely to distance themselves from you. Accept it too. Not everyone is worthy of being by your side but that doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. He was simply not a person who should be in your life and that does not mean that you are going to stay alone and if you stay, it is because you did not have a healthy relationship and it is time to expand the social circle.
Improve your self-esteem, stop settling for what you have: Learn to value who you are and all the good things you have, that way you will stop feeling that people have license to take advantage of you. And as always, ask for professional help if you think you need it.