Toxic Love: 10 Characteristics Of Impossible Couples
Relationships are not always easy and, in fact, conflicts are common; They can arise at any time and from the smallest details.
Each of the members of the relationship has their ideas and their way of understanding the world and life, and it is not always easy to understand the other’s position. However, with love and the mastery of a series of social skills, as well as a good dose of resilience and negotiation skills, the relationship can be successful.
On certain occasions, however, being in a relationship can be a real hell, because toxic love makes it impossible for things to turn out well Toxic relationships have the characteristic that at least one member of the relationship has totally inappropriate behaviors and attitudes. If you want to know more about this type of relationship, you can read this article: “23 signs that you have a ‘toxic relationship’ as a couple.”
Today we will talk about this love that causes so much suffering and we will delve into each of its characteristics.
Not all loves are the same We can find authentic loves, that are pure and noble, those that are difficult to find. Authentic love is a love that is based on trust, respect and freedom. There are also other types of love, such as passionate love, characterized by great physical attraction but little commitment.
Now, there are also loves that are stormy, if they can be called love, in which jealousy, lack of freedom, and excessive control predominate. This type of love is toxic love, a love that, in most cases, lives from dependency and illusion without anything to support it
And love is a certainly complex topic, which is why many theorists have tried to address and understand it, not always with consensus. One of the theorists best known for his contributions to understanding this phenomenon is Sternberg. This author is famous for making a classification of the different types of love. His Triangular Theory of love proposes that there are three elements that interact with each other to form one type or another of love. These elements are: intimacy, passion and commitment. For example, love that is made up of the three elements is consummate love.
Characteristics of toxic love
But, What characteristics does toxic love present? What makes a love cause suffering? You can find the answers to these questions in the following lines:
1. Limited social life
Toxic love is characterized by the person leaving aside all their friends and focuses purely and exclusively on the relationship This might seem like an act of love, but it is actually a loss of autonomy.
The person stops frequenting the places they used to frequent, puts aside their interests, neglects old friends and, in short, stops being themselves and loses their own essence. This can overwhelm the partner and also makes the person no longer attractive.
2. Need for love approval
The lover who gives pure love fights for his personal development and does not expect anything from his partner, since he is satisfied with his life. Toxic love, on the other hand, is characterized by the individual seeking security, stability, and comfort in the relationship. This is due to a great fear of being alone and a great insecurity They are individuals with low self-confidence.
In highly dysfunctional romantic relationships, the need to receive emotionally charged treatment can lead people to be slaves to behaviors that harm them. The establishment of relationship dynamics in which power is held only by one member of the couple, for example, is as common as it is harmful, and is not always easy to detect. In fact, if others draw attention to the symptoms of this problem, the person who suffers from it usually denies everything abruptly, sometimes angrily.
For this reason, professional advice usually has value not only for the intervention, but also for the support in the difficult process of recognizing the problem.
3. Emotional dependence
This insecurity makes the person feel great emotional dependence, since Your happiness depends on other individuals****s This becomes a problematic situation and causes addiction to the couple even though things between both members are not going well.
4. Obsession with the relationship
All these factors make the person obsessed with the relationship, so that it does not let the couple breathe Nor does he carry out healthy behaviors that help maintain the stability of the relationship. For example, he does not negotiate or respect others. Thus it is impossible for the couple or marriage to move forward.
5. It is irrational and unrealistic
Unlike what could happen in a mature and authentic love, rational and realistic love, that is, in which the person is aware of what they are experiencing and not only feels but also thinks, toxic love It is a purely irrational love in the most negative sense that this can have, since it lives on illusion and unrealistic expectations. For a love to work it must be mature.
6. Concern about change
In authentic love, the individual is happy when things are going well for their partner and wants them to grow and develop. He is not afraid of change, because as a person he also fights for his personal interests, without forgetting, of course, those of the relationship. The same does not happen with toxic love, because the person who suffers from it wants everything to be under his control He doesn’t care about other people’s happiness, only his own.
7. He is possessive
Healthy love is based on trust between the two members of the couple, it is based on freedom of choice. However, toxic love is the opposite, as it is possessive. The individual you need to keep your partner under control at all times and know what it does and where it goes.
In toxic love, unfortunately, emotional blackmail and manipulation are common. This happens because the person is selfish, does not respect others and acts in accordance with their interests.
Their way of acting is to blame, intimidate and cause fear in their partner. It doesn’t have to be physical, just use expressions like: “if you leave me it means you don’t love me.” In this way, the other member of the couple feels guilty for what is happening.
8. Try to change the other person
When one member of the couple tries to change the other to an excessive degree, then we are talking about a toxic love. If the love is authentic and mature, the individual loves his partner just as he is. On the other hand, if it is toxic, it will encourage you to change something, for example, your physical appearance.
9. Blame the other
Healthy relationships are based on negotiation. People take their share of the blame when a problem occurs and are empathetic enough to understand others. In toxic relationships, one of the two always tries to blame the other There is no room for negotiation, because the toxic lover always believes he is right.
10. It makes you suffer
Love should not cause suffering, because when this happens it is not authentic love. If love is true, the relationship is symmetrical: one day one gives and the next the other member of the couple gives. Obviously there may be misunderstandings and arguments, but they are resolved in a mature manner. The question is simple: Does this love make you suffer? If the answer is yes, then it is a toxic love.
