Transactional Mentality: What It Is, And Main Characteristics
Have you ever acted thinking you would receive the same thing? Individuals with a transactional mindset see the relationship as a business, as an exchange or reciprocity That is, they will act expecting to receive the same in return.
Therefore, these people will not do anything just for the sake of doing it, but with the anticipation of obtaining their own benefit in the future. They are individuals who have difficulties meeting their needs, who do not feel loved or are alone, and it is through a relationship with another person that they hope to solve all these shortcomings.
In this way, at first it may seem that they are very attentive people and that they look out for the well-being of others, but quite the opposite; Finally the relationship ends up being very tense. The subject with a transactional mentality presents himself as a victim and blames the person for not meeting his or her expectations. At this point it will be obvious that they act for their own benefit and are not as attentive and generous as it seemed.
For this reason, it is advisable to avoid this type of mentality since it ends up generating discomfort and damaging the relationship with the other. Rarely will they feel 100% satisfied with what they receive from the other person since perfect reciprocity is almost impossible.
People with a transactional mindset are those who they value the relationship with another individual depending on what they get from him, that is, they expect to receive the same thing that she gives them Therefore, these people present the following thoughts or beliefs: if I helped him with his homework he will also have to help me, if I lend him money he will also lend it to me when he needs it, among many other similar considerations, which show that they act expecting the best. same in similar situations in the future.
In this way, in transactional thinking relationships are understood and seen as businesses, as a trade, where they hope to exchange something with the same value.
The behavior is not disinterested That is, they do not act with the purpose of helping or pleasing the other but with the intention that the other do the same for me, therefore, it is a selfish mentality, which looks for itself without really caring about the other person.
When we evaluate the transactional way of thinking we observe two beliefs or two principles that are repeated and stand out from this type of mentality, two thoughts that constitute the basis of this mentality, and derive from this particular way of understanding relationships.
1. Give more importance to what is achieved with the relationship
Individuals with a transactional mindset they value and analyze more than they will gain or can gain from each relationship, that they can get from each person, that they take into account or are interested in for the simple fact of having or maintaining a relationship. They focus on, and value, more the usefulness that the relationship may have, the interest they may see in it, than the enjoyment of having it.
An example would be comforting a person when they are sad with the intention that, in the future, they will also have the comfort of this person.
This form of mentality is frequently compared to negotiation In this way, these people conceive the bond they have with someone as a business, as a way of giving something and then receiving it, they act according to an interest with the perspective of achieving something in the future. His thoughts would be: I help him because later he will help me.
2. They give greater importance to their own needs
It may seem contradictory because individuals with a transactional mentality usually suffer from very attentive people, willing to help, to give you what you need, but if we know the purpose they seek by acting this way, we will understand that they do it with the intention of being treated in the same way, that is, , to receive the same as they give.
Therefore, they do not act for the benefit of the other but at the end of the day they are acting thinking about a possible benefit for themselves in the future. That is to say, If they help a person it is with the purpose of ensuring they have help if they need it, not with the intention of helping the other
They will see the other person as someone who can give them what they need, realizing for the other individual what they really want for themselves. It is still a selfish thought with your own well-being as its ultimate goal, although it may seem confusing because at first it seems directed at the other person.
Once we have stated what we mean by transactional mentality, many will consider that they do not have this type of thinking and that they do not act with the purpose of achieving their own benefit.
But It is inevitable on many occasions that thoughts related to this mentality appear it is almost impossible not to get upset or not to feel bad when a person whom you helped, who you listened to when they needed it, is now not there when you are sick and you need them.
If we do a favor for a co-worker We tend to think that if we need a favor in the future, he will do it for us In this way, at first we may not be aware that we acted with that purpose, but when we find ourselves in the situation where we have not been treated as we expected, we may be bothered by not having received the same treatment.
Therefore, it is not such a strange thought, and many times we may not be aware of it, but it is not surprising to think that if we do a good deed, if we act for the benefit of another, we hope that this person considers this help, values ​​it and acts appropriately. likewise, as we believe is appropriate.
The problem with having a transactional mindset
One of the main problems is the disappointment and disappointment that comes with not receiving what one expects. It is almost a utopia to think that we will obtain from the other person the same thing that I have given them, that is, It is almost impossible to receive what one thinks would be right, since depending on another person they can see or interpret the situation differently and it is likely that it will not perform or behave as you expected, as you believe was right.
In this way, most of the time it is harmful to oneself and only creates disappointment to act as one thinks that others will then act with him. In the same way, considering or perceiving a relationship as a business or an exchange of benefits does not help to really enjoy the relationship since you are valuing the other person as someone who will be able to fulfill or solve your needs later and not as a friendship, valuing the simple fact of having it.
People with a transactional mentality are obsessive, They calculate what they give and what they receive, they memorize and remember everything they have done for others, so that later we can ask and demand that they act in the same way, as they expect. If, on the other hand, they do not receive what they expected, it will cause them great discomfort and they will criticize and manipulate the other to try to achieve their goal. They present themselves as victims to you and will make you feel guilty for not acting or not having acted as they wanted or in the same way that they have done for you.
Also They are usually people who seek to fulfill their needs through others, that is to say that others resolve the conflicts that happen to them. Likewise, they are individuals with low self-esteem, who do not love themselves and look for that affection in others.
Related article: “Are we rational or emotional beings?”
Escape from this way of seeing relationships
Achieving exact reciprocity is difficult, that is, receiving exactly the same thing that I have given is very complicated. For this reason it is best to move away from the transactional mentality, since It will only make us uncomfortable when we see that our expectations are not met
The healthiest way to act in the field of interpersonal relationships is without expecting anything in return, that is, acting because we feel like it but without seeking any type of purpose. Show empathy, to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and help them because they really need it and not selfishly thinking that helping them means help for me in the future.
We have to give what we really want and feel we want to do, regardless of receiving this same behavior later. In the same way, carrying out a behavior only with the purpose of helping also generates satisfaction and well-being, we will value much more, obtaining help, love… or any type of affection or behavior, will be a gift for us since this more sensitive mentality He doesn’t expect anything in return.
Acting altruistically, generously, without expecting anything and with the aim of helping, produces less frustration and less discomfort, improving the relationship with the other person since they will not feel pressured, and in this way we will live better and happier.
