Shame is a complex and deeply human emotion It’s a feeling that can arise in a variety of situations, from awkward social situations to moments of critical self-evaluation.
But why do we feel shame? Is it innate or learned? And how is it related to our self-esteem? Let’s explore it.
Shame is an emotion experienced when we believe that we have failed in a social or personal expectation. It can manifest itself in many different ways, from feeling shy and self-conscious to feeling humiliated.
We feel shame because, as social beings, we are subject to norms, expectations and standards that society imposes on us. When we don’t meet these expectations, we can feel like we have failed. Shame can also arise from the negative evaluation we believe others are making of us, or when we act against our own values and internal norms.
Is shame innate or learned?
Shame is considered an innate emotion, meaning it is a natural part of our biology and is present in all cultures.
However, How we experience and express shame can vary from culture to culture, suggesting that there is also a learned component to the experience of shame. Environmental and cultural factors, such as family, friends, school, and society in general, can influence how we learn to experience and express shame.
Shame and self-esteem are closely related. Shame can have a negative impact on self-esteem, making people feel bad about themselves and lowering their confidence. It can lead to compensatory behaviors in an attempt to increase self-esteem, such as avoiding situations that may cause further shame or seeking approval from others.
Shame vs. Guilt: What’s the difference?
Although they are similar, shame and guilt are different emotions. Shame refers to feeling bad about oneself due to a personal failure or a violation of social norms, while guilt is the feeling of responsibility for something we have done that has had a negative impact on others. Both emotions can be useful in helping us recognize and correct our mistakes but if they are intense or chronic, they can be harmful to our mental health and emotional well-being.
Managing shame in therapy
Therapy can be a powerful tool to help people explore and understand their feelings of shame, identify underlying causes, and find ways to manage it in healthier ways. Working on self-acceptance and self-compassion are common approaches in shame therapy, as is learning to replace critical inner voices with more positive and compassionate affirmations.
On the other hand, Shame can have deep roots and can be tied to past experiences This may include traumatic or humiliating events, experiences of abuse or neglect, or situations in which we were made to feel inadequate or inferior. In therapy, it is possible to explore these roots of shame and how they may be influencing our current experience of this emotion.
Shame is not necessarily a bad thing. It can serve as a signal that we have transgressed a social or personal norm and can motivate us to correct our behavior. shame too can foster empathy and connection with others since it can make us more sensitive to the needs and feelings of others.
Tools for Managing Shame
It is important to learn how to manage shame in a healthy way. This may involve talking about our feelings with people we trust, learning to forgive ourselves, and practicing self-compassion. By doing so, we can reduce the negative effects of shame and use it more constructively to improve our lives and our relationships with others.
Suggested exercises
Shame can be a challenge to manage, but there are many tools and resources available to help us understand and overcome this emotion. Here are some recommended books and exercises that you may find useful.
Self-compassion: This exercise involves trying to be kind to yourself, especially in moments of failure or shame. Try talking to yourself like you would talk to a friend who is going through a difficult time.
Journaling (Reflective Writing): Writing about your shame experiences can help you process your emotions and find ways to manage them more effectively. Try writing about a situation where you felt embarrassed and how it affected you.
Mindfulness Meditation: Mindfulness meditation can help you be more present in the moment and accept your emotions without judging them. You can find many free guides and apps online to help you get started with mindfulness meditation.
Positive Affirmations: Affirmations are positive statements that you can repeat to yourself to increase your self-esteem and reduce shame. Try creating some affirmations that resonate with you and repeat them daily.
Remember, everyone is different, so what works for one may not work for another. The most important thing is that you try different strategies and find what works best for you. Don’t hesitate to seek the support of a mental health professional if you need additional help.
In short, shame is a complicated and often challenging part of the human experience. However, with understanding, compassion, and the right tools, we can learn to manage it effectively and healthily.
