What Does The Expression “kill Your Parents” Mean In Psychology?
If you’re reading this, you may not get along very well with your parents. You often can’t stand them and feel bad, or even worse, when you are with them. It is very likely that you have a toxic relationship and don’t know it. Maybe the time has come for what we figuratively/metaphorically call “killing your parents,” if you haven’t already. You may have a fantastic relationship with them; In that case, congratulations, you “killed” them (even if you don’t know it), you are happy and you eat partridges. Don’t continue reading. But for the remaining 80% of us mortals, I’m afraid we’re in it.
Let’s start at the beginning of the story, before the partridges. While we are adolescents/children, we need that asymmetrical relationship with our parents because they are educating us and there is a principle of authority/experience necessary for socialization and the transmission of cultural legacy/values. Here, in principle, the toxic relationship could or could not be established, where the parents would be more responsible than the children if things did not work out, obviously.
When we reach adulthood, roles must be updated to establish a mature relationship and that is the responsibility of adult individuals: parents and children, both adults. The moment of independence arrives, or you “kill the parents” or, here, the relationship will become something toxic for sure, since we will continue in an asymmetrical game of interactions where we will all hurt each other and feel trapped in an endless loop. know what to do. We are no longer children, but they treat us like children. They allow themselves to continue giving their opinion, advising us, criticizing us, judging us or scolding us about our lives without us asking for it. The role of parents is perpetuated and we feel nullified by them as capable adults..
How to recognize and overcome a toxic relationship
And how do I know if my relationship with my parents is toxic? The symptoms of any toxic adult relationship (including with parents) are when the bargaining chips are fear, obligation or guilt. For example, you call or go to see your parents because, if not, they get angry (fear of conflict and you feel guilty because it is your obligation as a child). This creates corrupted and forced relationships, where both parties feel that something is not working.
How to solve this? Well, If the relationship were not with your parents, the best solution is always to distance yourself from the toxic, of course. But they are your parents and, if you want to heal your relationships with them, you have to “kill” them.. Let’s go with the tips for it:
To help you sustain all of the above, and especially the last tip, never forget your objective. Remember that when you have a healthy adult relationship with your parents, you will surprise yourself by being spontaneous: you will feel like calling them to see how they are, paying them a surprise visit or giving them an unexpected gift. You will no longer feel obligated. It will be an authentic love relationship between adults. There may not be quantity in the interactions, but there is quality. So, yes, goal accomplished: when we are together, we will feel like free and mature adult individuals who help each other grow and obtain the best version of ourselves mutually. Theirs and yours. In essence, happy.
