Narcissistic perverts (PN) are egomaniacal people, who only think about themselves and they lack empathy. Their conscious objective is to devastate, suffocate and annul the other in order to feel superior, with more self-esteem and more power.
Although it is a personality profile that occurs mainly in men, it also occurs in some women. In this article we will talk about its characteristics.
If you want to know if you have been or are with a narcissistic pervert, keep reading. Below I summarize the main characteristics of these people (be careful, it does not have to meet all of them…).
1. Great social skills
They like to be liked and therefore usually have the gift of the word They fool and dazzle with details: flowers, letters, looks of affection… Therefore, they come in a package with the gift of emotional manipulation. They are, in short, admired and on the other hand feared, since they can bring to light any vulnerability that we have told them about to harm us.
2. Tremendously susceptible to criticism
They never do anything wrong or anything incorrect, it is the other one who is crazy and the one who has problems. They react from anger, making you feel afraid so that you do not question them
If you try to defend yourself from them, they will defend you from the attack They will look for your vulnerable point, “your weak point” to try to make you feel bad and thus manipulate you more easily.
4. They try to constantly shine above you
If you tell them about your achievements and successes, they devalue them. Yours are always more important.
5. They tend to punish a lot
Within its wide range of manipulation strategies, they use punishment a lot They stop talking to you for a few days, giving you sex or affection… or… they simply disappear, the famous ghosting.
6. They do gaslighting
If you try to express your needs or what bothers you, you are always the one who is crazy, the one who has the problem, the one who should go to the psychologist, the bad mother, the bad wife, and a long etcetera.
7. They try to exaggerate your difficulties and make fun of them
Thus they try to feel superior to you , and so, sadly, they feel better about themselves. That is, they overcompensate for their low self-esteem.
8. They look for profiles that are easy to manipulate
The couple profile that the PN is looking for are “good people” who give everything , with high empathy and sensitivity for others. They trick these women and men into making them shine like the star they think they are. These types of people who fall into the networks of a PN have a tendency toward emotional dependence, with a certain wound of abandonment and fear of loneliness.
The key characteristic of NPs is that they are ambiguous. That is to say, They alternate words or messages of affection that have nothing to do with what they do
An example of them is when they say… “you are the love of my life, I can’t live without you” but then they prevent you from dressing how you want or talking to other men when you want. Or when they don’t listen to you, they don’t validate your needs…
You may be interested: “The 28 types of communication and their characteristics”
Is a PN born or made?
From the theory of epigenetics we understand that all disorders have a part of genetics or personality and another of environment. So we can say that a PN has origin in both.
As for the environment, they usually have fathers very similar to them, with a narcissistic style, who treat their mothers badly and play with them. In turn, these parents also mistreat their children. Children grow up with a very large narcissistic wound, feeling that they are not important to either of their parents And from there, they try to overcompensate for their injury with their partners, friendships, and successes.
In PN you can also see a mother who overprotects the child, gives him messages of omnipotence and perfection, externalizes blame to others, etc. This way, The child grows up convinced that he is a kind of “king” and that others have to live subjugated as if they were slaves
Can a PN be healed?
The answer is very clear: NO. In consultation we have many women who suffer from emotional dependence and remain chained to this type of PN profiles. The first thing we communicate to them from the first sessions is that they have to break with all hope of improvement no matter how painful it is.
They are people who cause intentional harm, and will never recognize their vulnerabilities or emotional wounds. Fighting against its change is like trying to break a concrete wall with just our bare hands.
How do I get out of a relationship with a PN?
I explain some main guidelines that you can follow, but it is essential that you begin a psychotherapeutic process. Not only to get out of the relationship, but to recover the self-esteem that the PN has stolen from you.
1. Realize that you are next to a PN
Analyze your verbal and non-verbal language, your facts.and compare it with the characteristics we gave you about a PN.
2. Ask for help
Friends, family… Talk to them about this and let them help you distance yourself and end this relationship.
3. Focus on yourself and regaining control of your life and your self-esteem
Go out, have fun, get busy with the work you like do hobbies… When a NP enters our life, it destroys it, it is easy for us to fall into a spiral of doing nothing, letting ourselves go, feeling apathetic and hopeless.
4. A psychotherapeutic process begins
What we normally see in consultation is that We attach ourselves to the PN (a person who does not know how to love) because we have childhood deficiencies : parents who could not love us as we needed, abusive parents, absent parents, school problems, problems with the group of friends…
There will be a list of traumas and wounds that we will have to reprocess before leaving the relationship because they are preventing you from letting go. We will have to talk to the girl you were to give her encouragement, love, self-esteem… and thus recover your essence.
We get attached to people who don’t love us because we don’t know how to love ourselves… and that happens because our parents couldn’t love us everything we needed. They did it their way, as best they could, but it was not enough. Only by reconciling with the wounded girl that you were will you be able to let go of a relationship that is not good for you.
