What Is Affection And Why Does It Mark Us Throughout Life?
Affect is a psychological phenomenon that, in one way or another, we sense that it is important for our lives. It always appears in conversations when we talk about personal relationships, or when we think about love.
However, what exactly is affection? Being a concept that we use intuitively, without stopping to think much about its meaning, we sometimes make mistakes and consider it an element that is simply there when we interact with someone. But the truth is that it is something that does not appear and disappear spontaneously as we socialize with different people; It is always there, and its effects leave a mark on us. Let’s see it.
“All you need is love”; As this well-known Beatles song reminds us, love is something that moves us and gives us strength to discover and see the world. But although when we talk about love we usually think of romantic love or that which is given towards a partner, there are also many others. A mother who cradles her child, a friend who is by her side in bad times, a partner who makes you feel more alive than ever. All of them are united by deep emotional ties.
Although we all know what it is and have experienced it on occasion, it is not as simple as it seems to give a definition of what affection is that is general and takes into account the various situations or circumstances in which it can appear. However, at a general level, affect can be considered as that disposition that a person or animal has towards another being or situation.
Affect is frequently identified with emotion, but although related, the truth is that there is a difference: affect is directed towards another person, being or thing and its levels can fluctuate but are usually more permanent, while emotions are experienced by one same and are temporary. Generally, affection is identified and associated with feelings of love and affection towards someone, a feeling of union towards the other.
It is therefore an element of a relational nature, an interaction between several people or beings (let’s not forget that we can also feel affection for pets or animals, and they also feel affection for us and each other). So it is not something that depends only on oneself, but is linked to the relationship we have with the person or being in question.
Affection is an essential element for human beings, its absence being linked to various psychopathologies such as depression, sociopathy or even being a factor of great importance in the emergence of personality disorders. It also predisposes you to medical illnesses or their worsening as well as a lower survival rate, such as in cases of cancer or heart disease.
Affect is fluid and variable, since it can change depending on the interaction. It is expressed in many different ways, generally investing energy in order to make the other person feel good (whether it is visible or imperceptible to others). These displays of affection in turn can receive different types of response from the other.
And it is that In many cases the affection is not reciprocated or it does not occur on the same level (we can feel affection for someone but not romantic love, for example), or it can even be unpleasant and unwanted by the other subject.
Although in this article we focus on affection as it is popularly understood (the aforementioned feeling of union with another), the truth is that we can also talk about positive and negative affectivity, depending on the general emotional tone we have.
Affection as a need throughout the life cycle
The ability to feel, give and receive affection is largely biological, mediated by different neurotransmitters such as oxytocin. However, life experiences will largely determine whether we feel affection for someone, for whom, and how to express it.
It arises during the first stages of our life, especially when we begin to receive gratifications in the form of attention and the first people towards whom we feel it are usually, in most cases, our parents or usual caregivers, being some of the first beings that we are capable of. to recognize as our brain develops and allows us to recognize others as elements different from ourselves. And not only after childbirth, but also the existing relationship with the mother during fetal development and during the pregnancy stage.
Feeling and receiving affection is something fundamental for our correct emotional and cognitive development like human beings. As gregarious beings that we are and that we are part of a society, we need to feel part of the group, to feel united with other people.
1. Early years and childhood
And this need is visible from birth: the baby needs a safe environment and the existence of a response to its needs. The physical contact and affection that we receive in childhood will greatly determine our attitude towards life: a baby who has been loved will be able to face the world with self-confidence (since their expressions and needs have been covered), while someone who has been neglected will tend to see the world as something that does not respond to their needs, that ignores them and that they distrust.
Receiving affection will influence the way we see ourselves and the world, while making us feel safe, calm, secure and able to see things with joy, enthusiasm and curiosity. The mix between the baby’s temperament and his interaction with his caregivers will largely determine the type of attachment that he manifests with them and with the rest of the world.
As we grow, emotional needs expand, beginning to relate to other people and beings beyond our caregivers. The first friendships and connections with others begin to be made. In the family, the expression of affection and support continues to be fundamental, being a stage in which the child absorbs not only the affection he receives but also the most appropriate values and ways of acting.
As for affection itself, it is important that you receive it but also that you can give it, and the reactions of others to these expressions of affection are important. That in these childhood relationships we can give and receive affection will also mark us to a great extent. And we must keep in mind that affection is not only given towards living beings: toys and objects that are important to us also awaken it in us.
In general, people who throughout childhood have received affection They tend to be more empathetic while those who do not tend to be more rigid, distant and more prone to anxious and depressive disorders.
But not only in childhood: adolescence is a stage in which we need a lot of affection, in which we learn to relate and we experience different changes that make us more interested in others.
Our interest moves away from the family and focuses on the peer group (in which we are going to invest a lot of effort), discovering ourselves and trying to form our own identity. The experiences that we live and have lived, as well as the affection received along the way, will be important when it comes to achieve an integrated identity and with good self-esteem. Another type of affection also begins to appear, the romantic one, with the first love experiences emerging.
Once we reach adulthood, the need for affection continues and will remain valid throughout life. Although there are individuals who do not enjoy company, in general we all want to share our lives with other people. Relationships become more complex and we are much more aware of what we feel, what we do and what we cause. Romantic relationships become more important, although in a more serene way than in adolescence. Family, friends, partner, children …all of them are more or less important to us and will awaken different degrees of affection.
3. Old age
Although it is an aspect that is little cared for by today’s society, old age is a difficult stage in which little by little we lose physical and mental faculties. Furthermore, a large part of the people for whom we have felt affection have already died or are in the final stretch of their lives, causing fear of losing them. It is easier to lose autonomy and feel more fragile.
It is a vital moment in which affection is very necessary, but in many cases it is not given enough, which makes it easier to get sick and disorders such as depression to appear. And a large number of elderly people feel alone.
