What Is An Emotional Manipulator? The 6 Characteristics And Warning Signs
In our closest environment there is always someone who uses emotional blackmail and all kinds of stratagems to get the people they say they love to do the unimaginable for them.
Emotional manipulators are people who, despite being very insecure on the inside, use the weaknesses and weak points of others to gain a position of dominance and influence other people to put their priorities first to satisfy their selfish desires, using them as puppets.
Next Let’s see exactly what an emotional manipulator is what are its main characteristics and what to do to deal with it.
The emotional manipulator: what are their characteristics?
Emotional manipulators are people who use emotional blackmail strategies to get others to do what they want, as if they were their puppets. They convince and influence using their great oratory, being able to turn things around at their convenience and using psychological tricks, in addition to emotional exploitation, to control the will of others.
Emotional manipulation occurs when the manipulative person she tries to persuade others to do things that suit her alone, not those who ask her for a favor This behavior differs from social influence in that this behavior, which is healthy, is normal behavior between people and is part of the give and take typical of all socially constructive human interaction. On the other hand, in psychological manipulation a person gains benefit at the expense of their victim.
Within psychological manipulation there can be all types of socially inappropriate behaviors. Among them is knowing and taking advantage of the psychological weaknesses of his victim, in order to determine the most effective tactics to achieve his goal. Whoever exercises manipulation has no qualms about causing physical or emotional harm to his victim nor about showing a high level of cruelty to achieve what he wants.
The manipulated person ends up being the victim of a situation that has led them to stop being the master of their own life You cannot do what you want and you put the other person above your own personal needs and interests. Their self-esteem ends up being very low, their self-respect is non-existent and they are insecure people who feel great sadness and dissatisfaction. And the worst of all is that on many occasions they justify the behavior of their manipulator or even feel guilty about their situation.
There are several characteristics that characterize people who exercise emotional manipulation.
1. Few scruples
Emotional manipulators are people who do not usually have too many scruples about achieving what they set out to do. Once they detect their victim’s weak point, they will have no qualms about taking advantage of it by appealing to the most intense fears and fears of their manipulated person. By achieving your goal, They will gradually make the victim fall into a dynamic in which they will end up giving up their needs and values sacrificing himself to put those of the person who manipulates him first.
2. Insecure
Although it may seem just the opposite, the truth is that manipulative people are very insecure and have very low self-esteem. They do everything possible so that this weakness is not seen, hiding their fears, weaknesses and insecurities.
To do this, they use a wide repertoire of selfish and dominant behaviors, showing themselves as superior to others, and making sure that whoever they want to manipulate sees them as someone who has the absolute truth No one should know how insecure they are because, if it is known, their influence will fall like a house of cards.
3. Little assertiveness
The manipulator’s insecurity causes him to have serious assertiveness problems. It is difficult for them to say things clearly, although this is also a point that they use in their favor , since not saying what they want first, using euphemisms and making detours, influences those who manage to manipulate. They use subtle means to get others to do what they want.
4. Low tolerance for frustration
They do not tolerate frustration at all and do not take “no” for an answer. To the slightest that they experience this emotion or that they perceive that there is something that puts at risk their position built through lies and exaggerations and their status of dominance. they become alert or attack from the most extreme intolerance and the most cruel and destructive criticism to disavow.
5. Victimism
They resort to victimhood using all types of exaggerated behaviors and reproaching things that have not happened or that are not that big of a deal. They exaggerate health problems, show dependence and, if they see that the manipulated person tries to free themselves from their chains, they become the most defenseless and delicate victim. They may even say that their world will collapse if the person they manipulate leaves their side.
As a final characteristic of emotional manipulators we have that their level of demand is very high. The manipulator always wants more, without limit. He only thinks about himself and in a disproportionate way, wanting to satisfy his own ego through the manipulation of his victim, without thinking for a moment what the person from whom he asks favors feels or wants. He feels powerful because it’s like he has a slave.
How to deal with an emotional manipulator?
The first thing we must do to confront an emotional manipulator is to become aware that we have rights and that we ourselves are people who are ahead of others on our list of priorities.
This should not be interpreted as meaning that we should behave as emotional manipulators, but understand that we have desires, rights and needs that come before those of anyone else. Before helping others we must do what we want.
We deserve respect and dignity We have the right to express our opinions, feelings and desires as long as they are not hurtful or aggressive. If we do not want to do something, we have the right to say clearly and emphatically “no”, we should not feel guilty about it. As we have already said, the manipulative person may react to this in a very bad way, but he must understand what is happening. If what he asks of us means a great sacrifice for us, or even harms us, it is not wrong not to do it.
It is important to develop our assertiveness , asking him clearly what he wants. Emotional manipulators are not at all direct in their requests, making detours that make us dizzy and capture us in their web of deception. We must ask her clear questions about what she wants, try to clarify as much as possible what her intentions are, what she wants from us and why she wants us around. If he does not ask us for something clearly and explicitly, let us not grant it. If he wants something, let him say it, but don’t use his influence, let’s not give him that pleasure.
Over time, the emotional manipulator will see that his techniques do not work with us, and the most effective thing is that he has to make direct requests. These are much easier to reject and less frustrating for us if we disagree. If we do not want to do it, we must express it clearly and explicitly.
If he has already manipulated us but we realized later, something that will make us angry, we can use it to our own advantage. The situations in which emotional manipulators use their tricks are usually very similar, so we can learn from the one in which they achieved what they set out to do. This way, we can think of an answer for the next time he tries again and use it to confuse him.
The presence of a third person can prevent the emotional manipulator from achieving his goal The manipulator knows that his behavior is socially incorrect, and he will not have the courage to do it in front of a person he does not know. By doing so, he risks receiving a dose of reality, making himself look ridiculous, showing his insecurity and demonstrating how badly he treats his loved ones. If even with these the emotional manipulator stops trying to manipulate us, at least we will have the objective opinion of a third person, whom we can ask for advice and use as a point of support to free ourselves.
Finally, the best way to avoid being manipulated is the most radical and obvious, although also the most delicate. It’s about confronting the person who manipulates us, telling him clearly that we are tired of him abusing us, and that it is over The best way to do this, to confront an emotionally manipulative person, is to do it calmly, using logical arguments and, if they simply do not listen to reason, leave, put distance.
We should never resort to violence, neither physical nor verbal, since doing so will give a posteriori reasons to try to manipulate us and use the catchphrase of “but remember what you did to me.” We will not give him or her that satisfaction, much less when he or she has done even more harm to us.
