What Is Anxious Ambivalent (or Insecure Ambivalent) Attachment? 5 Ways To Heal It

Attachment theory suggests that the way people behave in their relationships, called attachment styles, is a reflection of the way they were raised in their childhood. Taking this into account, if you are someone who has a tendency to be very insecure in your relationships or need a lot of validation from your partners, it is very possible that you have a anxious attachment style

What is anxious attachment?

He anxious attachment, also known as ambivalent insecure attachment, implies that a person can be greatly influenced by the fear of abandonment and the insecurity of being despised. In this way, those who have this type of attachment usually feel very nervous when they separate from their partners. Having this attachment style, people feel a lot of insecurity around all their partners and any type of closest relationship.

This attachment style usually develops as parents or caregivers during childhood show affection in an unpredictable or emotionally unstable manner. Because love was not always accessible during childhood, people with anxious attachment They often experience difficulties in their relationships and have a tendency to depend on others.

How do you know if a person has an anxious attachment style?

Some of the signs that may indicate that you have a Anxious, ambivalent, or ambivalent insecure attachment style are the following:

1. You feel insecure in relationships: People with this attachment style often feel very insecure when they are in a romantic relationship, for example, they may believe that people do not really love them and are using them.
2. You are possessive: Experiencing ambivalent affection during childhood, many people with anxious attachment tend to be very possessive in their romantic relationships out of fear of losing the other person.
3. Fear of rejection: The fear of abandonment or of others leaving their side makes these people very afraid of rejection. For this reason, they tend not to show themselves to others, for fear that they will not be loved as they are.
4. Tendency to feel jealous: This attachment in adults also influences feeling more jealous. This is because the fear of losing a loved one is mixed with the distrust and low self-esteem that they usually feel.
5. You distrust others: These people also do not trust their partners or closest relationships.
6. You become overwhelmed by intimacy: Feeling that at any moment others could abandon them, this can end up causing them to avoid intimacy in relationships.
7. Low self-esteem: Typically, people with an anxious attachment style tend to experience low self-esteem.

These are some of the signs that may imply that a person has a anxious attachment If you think this may be your case, it is important that you go to a professional psychologist due to the problems you may experience in your relationships.

How to overcome anxious attachment?

Some of the ways you can heal a anxious attachment style are the following:

• Become aware: By better understanding what a anxious attachment style It will allow you to break those patterns that are preventing you from increasing your trust and intimacy in relationships. In order to change, it is important to focus on self-reflection and self-awareness.
• Make small changes gradually (get out of your comfort zone): By becoming more aware of how this attachment creates problems in your relationships, you can begin to make decisions to make small changes. Therefore, beginning to perform actions that may make you feel somewhat uncomfortable or cause fear (in a controllable way) can help you take steps toward a more secure attachment style.
• Seek support from someone you trust: To overcome many of the thoughts that come with the anxious-ambivalent attachment style, some help may be necessary. Telling someone about your fears and insecurities can help you see things from a different perspective.
• Practice mindfulness: It is very common for people with a anxious attachment style They tend to overanalyze what they consider negative in a situation. In these cases, it is important to try to focus on the here and now. One way to do this is by practicing mindfulness, that is, putting the focus of our attention on what is happening in the present. Some activities that can help you increase our mindfulness are the following: guided meditations, yoga or tai-chi.
• Go to therapy: In many cases, people with an anxious or insecure-ambivalent attachment style can end up harming their loved ones and themselves due to the mistrust and fear they may feel in their relationships. If you feel that you are being harmed in your relationships because of this, it is recommended that you go to a professional psychologist.

Because attachment styles develop in response to what you have experienced during childhood, it can be very difficult to overcome these instinctive patterns. Even so, with work and effort it is very possible to heal attachment wounds.