Contact with people causes emotional contagion in us. Discover what it is, how mirror neurons work and what you can do to not be influenced.
Has it ever happened to you that when you come home after having been with someone who was feeling sad, you feel the same way even though you initially felt good? Well this is an example of emotional contagion which occurs as a consequence of the activation of the mirror neurons
I have ever told you about these neurons, which are responsible for manifesting the empathy that is, the ability to put yourself in the other’s place.
The most common example of mirror neuron activation is yawning. Surely it has happened to you at some point, being with someone who yawns and a few seconds later you do it too or seeing someone scratch their nose and then doing it yourself or feeling itchy in the same area.
The mission of mirror neurons is to reflect (like a mirror does, hence the name) the activity that we are observing and they become evident when someone executes an action or when we observe an action performed.
How do mirror neurons interfere with our relationships?
We have said that these neurons cause us to act as the other person does (when we are able to empathize) or to feel the other person’s emotion even if we do not act in the same way. Therefore, if you surround yourself with positive people and fun, you will probably catch those emotions or their way of thinking and you will end up feeling good and being more positive or in a better mood than you were or were at the beginning.
Likewise, when we surround ourselves with negative people, people who always see the glass half empty or who make a problem of everything, you may feel bad or that they have made your day bitter when you get home after the meeting. And maybe if you stay with that person a lot you end up being more negative and critical than you were before.
Therefore, mirror neurons can benefit or harm us depending on the people we surround ourselves with.
Why is it so important to surround yourself with positive people?
Obviously we are not going to run away from friends who are going through a bad time, but we do have to analyze what our friendships give us in general terms, that is, we have to differentiate between state and trait Being angry occasionally is not the same as being a person who always gets angry about everything.
Thus, it is important to analyze whether the people we surround ourselves with give us positive or negative states and choose accordingly.
In consultations, I often meet people who explain that they don’t feel like meeting up with one of their friends because they don’t feel comfortable with them or they don’t bring them anything positive. However, when I ask them: “so why are you staying?” They answer me that they don’t know, out of habit or because in the past they shared many things but not anymore.
As a result of these arguments I usually explain that friendship is a choice, but that choice does not have to be forever, we have to be able to feel free to decide who will be in our lives and who will not, in the same way that others do. Many people accept by their side someone who appeared in their life at some point even if they do not currently bring them anything positive. They do it simply to avoid rejecting someone, even if that harms their emotional well-being, and that is a serious mistake, since they are prioritizing others before themselves. Being with people who give us negative emotions can make us enter their state and if it is something constant, it is better to avoid it and surround yourself with positive people. That does not mean that you can never talk about problems and that you always have to be with a smile. As I said before, this is an average, not specific states.
When we feel good being with another obviously we don’t have to do anything, just let ourselves go. But when we feel bad every time we meet someone, we have to consider certain things:
The first thing is wonder if it’s something specific or it is a bad time for that person. If so, support him and help him get out of that discomfort and when you get home think about the positive thing you have done by supporting him, being the shoulder to cry on and advising him. That will surely make you feel better and coming home with some discomfort is normal if you have been talking about problems. In any case, try to make sure that this meeting does not focus only on negative things and after having talked for a while about the problems, end the meeting with fun topics or do something that generates well-being together.
If, on the other hand, you discover that he is always like that, that he is a negative person and no matter how much you try to bring up funny topics or look for the positive side of things, he manages to turn the tables, it is important that you try to talk to him/her about this. perception you have and encourage you to try to see things from another point of view.
Subsequently, if you see that their attitude does not change and the encounters continue to make you uncomfortable, it is time to decide what this person brings to you and distance yourself if necessary.
Then it’s time to try change the attitude When you find yourself criticizing something or someone, try to stop doing so and think about how positive that person or thing is. It is normal that it is difficult for you to do so or that after a few seconds you find yourself criticizing or seeing the negative of things again. Be patient and try again to be more positive.
Try to take the good side of everything whatever happens to you, no matter how negative it may be and always try to see the glass half full.
If there is something that you are not able to see the positive side of, try to relativize what happened. For example, if your brother hasn’t spoken to you for a month, instead of criticizing him and seeing how unfair the situation is, he relativizes it by thinking that it is a situation that you can reverse and that you will do everything possible to make it so. Consequently, you will think about what to do to resolve the conflict and have a good relationship with him/her again and you will feel better.
Well-being is something that we can choose even if the circumstances are not the most conducive to it. Remember that relationships have to add to us and as he said one day Gautama Buddha: “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
