We live in a society in which concepts such as empowerment, independence or self-sufficiency seem to have more and more recognition and social value. They are considered positive aspects and qualities to have and/or develop and this message is sent to us from the moment we enter the world.
The insistence with which we try to promote this type of traits seems to distance us—or, at least, pretend to do so—from our social nature. Is it really possible to be independent? The answer is no. We are social beings, we live in society and, consequently, we need – to a greater or lesser extent – each other.
So what are these types of messages due to? How can a trait considered socially good become pathological? These and other questions will be answered throughout this article. We will start by laying the foundations on pathological self-sufficiency and then be able to talk about its causes, consequences and the way in which it manifests itself. Finally, we put forward some proposals to address this situation.
Usually, self-sufficient people are considered to have a large amount of individual resources classified as positive. Among them, self-esteem, self-confidence, the ability to make decisions, their critical vision, the connection with their own desires and needs and the ease of distancing themselves from other people’s opinions stand out.
How can everything described above become a pathological situation? While it is true that there is nothing wrong with being autonomous and having your own resources in different areas of life, we often observe that the previously mentioned traits have been romanticized at a social level for various reasons.
Thus, there are aspects considered less desirable that are mentioned less frequently when talking about self-sufficiency. It is important to keep in mind that extremely self-sufficient people often have enormous difficulty asking for help when they need it and, in general, relying on the people around them.
When this happens, People tend to reject help from other people, they refuse to ask for it or even recognize that they cannot do everything and that they may need others.. It is then that self-sufficiency is considered to have reached the point of being maladaptive and has become pathological.
What are the causes that originate it?
As usually happens when we talk about human beings and their suffering, the causes of this situation can be diverse and will vary depending on each person. As we have seen, there are certain social and cultural aspects that encourage this situation and that reinforce certain ideas, beliefs or values that perpetuate pathological self-sufficiency.
However, no matter how much weight the social and cultural factor may have, it is not the only one. At the individual level, there are also various aspects that may be contributing to people adopting this type of behavioral and relational dynamics. On the one hand, we must take into account that the type of upbringing and education received can play a key role.
In this sense, it will be crucial to review individual beliefs and values to become aware of the impact they are having on a daily basis. For greater self-knowledge, it is key to reflect on the meaning we give to asking for help, what we consider makes us vulnerable and what happens if we show ourselves that way, etc.
On the other hand, we cannot forget that Early experiences have a strong impact on the way we relate to other people.. That is, both the person’s attachment style and the fact of having lived through traumatic experiences are aspects to take into account. People with avoidant attachment tendencies are much more likely to have difficulty confiding their needs to another person.
How can you identify it?
It is common for people who tend toward pathological self-sufficiency to have difficulties accepting or asking for help, even in difficult situations that cause them suffering. In addition, they often have enormous difficulties—or cannot at all—delegate tasks. Even asking for advice can be really complex for these people.
A tendency to minimize the seriousness of the situation they are facing can also be observed.. On many occasions, they deny feeling pain or other unpleasant emotions such as fear and may even show an attitude perceived by others as arrogant or arrogant.
It should be noted that, although they tend to refuse the possibility of receiving help, it is very likely that they do offer their help to other people. This type of dynamic can undoubtedly interfere with your emotional well-being, your relationships and the rest of the areas of your life.
What impact does it have on people’s lives?
As we mentioned in the previous section, pathological self-sufficiency can have a serious impact on all spheres of a person’s life. At the work level, the impact usually affects when working as a team due to the difficulty in delegating tasks. Besides, Work overload can generate great burnout and make stress management really complex..
On a relational level, the consequences can also be palpable. The established dynamics can impact the quality of relationships and the evolution of ties. With high frequency, a distancing usually ends up occurring that can be the cause or consequence of various conflicts.
At an individual level, this entire situation is usually related to a greater perception of loneliness and a greater tendency toward social isolation. The loss of support from the environment can lead to serious mental health problems.
How can it be approached and worked on?
The approach to this situation will depend, to a large extent, on the individual characteristics of each situation. Nevertheless, It is essential that people become aware of their reality and the impact that pathological self-sufficiency is generating in their daily lives..
Self-knowledge is key when it comes to generating changes and, therefore, it is considered highly advisable to ask for professional help. In the therapeutic process, different situations related to the origin of this situation can be addressed. In addition, other aspects such as self-esteem, values and beliefs that may be interfering and maintaining this situation will also be reviewed.
