What Is Psychological Treatment Like For Victims Of Narcissists?
Narcissism is more than a psychological trait that is present in large quantities in some people; Furthermore, this is projected beyond the individual, affecting the relationships established with others.
In other words, those who are very narcissistic process their thoughts and emotions in a characteristic way, but they also express their interests and their way of being in a very marked way, often problematic and capable of harming others.
Therefore, in this article we will see How to work in psychotherapy with people who have developed psychological problems due to their dealings with markedly narcissistic people.
The idea of narcissism occupies a notable place in popular culture. On many occasions we use the label “narcissist” to refer to those people who seem to be too focused on themselves, who do not think about others at all.
In fact, as society is perceived as an entity made up of individualistic subjects focused on their own particular desires and needs, there are many who consider that narcissism is growing in society, especially among youth, despite that scientific research in psychology does not support such a statement.
On the other hand, through the media and other forms of cultural transmission that go beyond scientific dissemination, there is a very strong idea about what narcissism is, understood as the characteristic of a person. person who is very focused on himself and who thinks little or nothing about others. This definition is partly true, but as often happens with psychological concepts transferred to popular knowledge, many nuances are lost in the process.
Actually, the main characteristics of narcissism are the following:
Being narcissistic does not always translate into excess self-esteem or insecurity, but rather involves a voracious hunger for appreciation and admiration, a desire to be the center of attention, and seeking special treatment that demonstrates that the narcissist is of a higher status. Narcissism is characterized by a more or less developed feeling of grandiosity, a need for excessive admiration and the belief that one is unique and deserves special treatment.
In Psychology, narcissism is conceived as a spectrum that shows a more or less marked predisposition to reproduce a certain type and pattern of behavior; That is why beyond the existence of a narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism is also a concept approached from the Psychology of Individual Differences and Personality Traits. That is, it can be understood as a trait of which one has more or less, distributed normally in the population, and in most cases it does not become psychopathological.
The majority of people are in the middle of the normal curve, with levels of narcissism far from being considered pathological, being people focused to a fair extent on themselves. On the other hand, there are few people who find themselves at one of the two extremes, both with a lot of narcissism and a little.
Narcissism in relationships
The desire of very narcissistic people to obtain the admiration and praise of others, especially potential romantic partners, makes them appear very charming and charismatic, seductive behavior. However, due to his lack of empathy, it is difficult to establish a relationship of trust, mutual respect and understanding between him and his partner, which means that the relationship takes a short time to disintegrate.
Pathologically narcissistic people may show passion and charm during first dates; however, They perceive relationships as a mere transaction. For them, relationships simply serve to provide them with the attention they so desperately seek and sexual satisfaction to feed their ego and self-esteem. The goal is to enjoy pleasure, and many narcissists lose interest in relationships as the couple’s intimacy increases.
It is very complicated for people who have a narcissistic personality disorder to fall in love and build a relationship based on the respect and equality of its members. Someone who is extremely narcissistic will try to establish very strict rules in the relationship and will try to isolate their new partner from her friends and family, among others. behaviors that border on abuse and possessive control.
That is why very marked narcissism is considered, along with Machiavellianism and psychopathy, one of the psychological traits that are part of the “dark triad”, psychological elements linked to antisocial behavior and that not only They can cause discomfort in relationships, but even facilitate the emergence of abusive dynamics capable of causing psychological problems in the partners and friends of these people.
How do you intervene in psychotherapy with victims of narcissists?
In cases in which habitual dealing with a very narcissistic person has caused psychological damage to the patient, the strategies and techniques used for this type of treatment in psychotherapy are usually the following (they depend on a prior assessment of the needs, characteristics and vital context of each person).
Cognitive restructuring
Victims of very narcissistic people They tend to blame themselves for a good part of what happened, which not only causes them a lot of discomfort, but also makes it difficult for them to overcome that experience. Therefore, in therapy they are helped to get rid of these blaming beliefs through cognitive restructuring, a process in which the person is helped to detect these dysfunctional beliefs and question them, to finally replace them with others more adjusted to reality. .
The EMDR approach has proven effective especially in cases in which the relationship with the narcissistic person has given rise to consequences in the form of trauma or complications in the management of anxiety in general.
Through this intervention, the necessary conditions are created for the patient’s brain to process the memories of that relationship in a way that does not generate a strong emotional response associated with discomfort, so that the person accepts what happened and stops trying to “block” the memory. evoking that part of your memory because of how bad it makes you feel.
Assertiveness training and self-esteem improvement
Social skills training is usually important in these casessince it allows the person to learn from what happened and understand all the nuances why their relationship with the narcissistic person was unsatisfactory and was based on an asymmetry of power.
In this sense, the development of assertiveness is especially relevant, and allows the patient to express their needs and feelings without constantly giving in to the fear of rejection (something that usually occurs in the victims of very narcissistic people since the latter tend to undervalue the achievements and the opinions of those around them).
Related article: “Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication”
