Let’s imagine the following scenario based on the experiences of a couple: lately their arguments are frequent, their leisure time as a couple has decreased, the atmosphere at home has become tense, they don’t know how to reconnect, how to get closer to each other, sexual relations are shining brightly. their absence… One day, after another argument, one of them says: “What if we go to couples therapy?”
This is just one example of how two people involved in a relationship of this type can consider going to therapy. An option that is usually considered as a last resort to save the relationship.
At these times the couple may begin to seek help without knowing exactly what to expect They simply want to try something new, something different that will help them get out of the situation they find themselves in. But… what to expect from couples therapy? What is the dynamics of the sessions? Why do we usually think that couples therapy is the last resort? Could it be useful for couples who are not thinking about separating? Below, I will answer these questions.
Imagine the relationship as a Lego tower, which the two members of the couple build together. Couples go to therapy for two reasons: to reestablish the bond (redo or fix the tower) or to break the bond (undo the tower) That is, continue or leave. Therapy helps the couple see where they are and define their goals as a couple.
Therapy is an opportunity to rediscover yourself as a couple, but it does not act as a magic wand. Both members will take an active role to achieve those proposed objectives ; The psychologist acts as a guide to achieve them.
In therapy, the different areas that affect the couple are explored and evaluated (communication, sexuality, leisure, common goals, lifestyle…). Thus we can see what the problem areas are and what the couple’s strengths are
Once the evaluation has been carried out and the objectives defined, it is time to work to achieve them. That is, if the relationship were a Lego tower, first we look at what pieces we have, what we want to build, which of the pieces are damaged and need to be repaired, and finally what pieces we are missing… did we have those pieces before, or have they always been missing?
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What is the dynamics of the sessions?
Three “people” come to therapy, and I’m not talking about the couple and the psychologist. We have both members of the couple and the relationship itself Therefore, these three “individuals” must have their space in the sessions.
Most of the work will be done together, however, there will be individual sessions for each member of the couple. This does not mean that the psychologist takes sides with one of the parties, the focus is on achieving the couple’s goals it will not be positioned.
Why do we usually think that couples therapy is the last resort?
This usually happens not only in couples therapy, but also when people consult for other reasons. In general, we tend to exhaust all available resources and ideas before going to a professional
When we talk about couples therapy, the crisis can be an opportunity to show what is making the Lego tower wobble. Therefore, it is an opportunity to establish different dynamics that provide a solid, secure foundation, a new collaboration that generates a more stable and lasting relationship.
Could it be useful for couples who are not thinking about separating?
If you’re building a tower, do you wait for it to fall apart before doing something? Or are you working on it little by little? The same thing happens with a relationship, it is not necessary to wait until you are about to leave him The ability to communicate, create common goals, manage conflicts, adapt to life changes, among others, are basic tools that every couple can benefit from. We can focus on creating the tower in a healthy way, instead of waiting for it to collapse before starting over.
