What To Say And What Not To Say To Someone With Depression
Each person sees the world from a different perspective depending on their personal resources or experiences that may have affected their perception of reality. An individual raised in a family environment characterized by a lack of love and economic deprivation probably has a quite different vision than another who has had a calmer childhood and with the support of his loved ones.
Depression is a mental disorder that involves a lack of desire to carry out various daily activities and great difficulty in coping with everyday life. Helping someone with this diagnosis can be difficult, but it is important to know the most effective methods to establish good communication. In this PsychologyFor article, we will provide you with information about what to say and what not to say to someone with depression.
The word “depression” is part of the colloquial language in which people usually handle themselves. This fact can lead to confusion, since the characteristics implied by the clinical picture do not correspond to the common sense of the term.
First of all, we must start by understanding what depression is. This concept refers to a mood characterized by the presence of feelings of sadness, hopelessness, frustration and anger that manifest for a large amount of time. According to the DSM-V(1), depression can be related to several diagnostic criteria that must be met in order to determine this clinical condition. Below we show you some symptoms:
Lack or decreased interest in daily activities.
Sudden weight loss or gain.
Insomnia or hypersomnia.
Fatigue.
Lack of concentration and attention.
Significant deterioration of work, social and family relationships.
Symptoms lasting two or more weeks.
Mood alterations cannot be due to another mental disorder and/or the intake of medications or substances.
Knowing these symptoms is important to be able to differentiate a depression from specific moments of sadness and/or anguish that can manifest with intensity.
Phrases that should not be said to a person with depression
Due to the characteristics that we have displayed, it is important to understand that there are certain phrases that are not appropriate for someone who has depression. Sometimes we try to help the person with certain words that can have a counterproductive effect. Next, we will exemplify this with 11 phrases that should not be said to a person with depression :
“You have to enjoy life” : These types of phrases can be understood as an order that must be followed and generate frustration, since the person who suffers from depression is unable to carry out activities that generate pleasure.
“It’s your decision to be like this” : Depression is not a voluntary choice. Therefore, these words can cause a greater degree of distress.
“Do not be like that” : Suggesting that the person should not have a mood dominated by sadness and anguish can increase the intensity of the emotions they feel. Therefore, it is not advisable to address someone with depression in this way.
“We all have problems” : This statement is not helpful for the person with depression, who is focused on internal conflicts that prevent them from enjoying life. For this reason, it is not advisable to mention that other people have problems to make her feel better because it will have the opposite effect.
“Don’t give importance to problems” : We must emphasize that the problems that manifest themselves in the present are a difficult obstacle to overcome for someone with depression. Furthermore, the possible consequences and difficulties appear maximized in depression, so it is not a voluntary process of making the problems less consistent.
“Life is wonderful” : The person with a depressive condition has a painful perspective on life and believes that there are no reasons to move forward. Given this, wanting to prove the opposite leads to the person not feeling understood in their suffering.
“It could have been worse” : Although this phrase is intended to show that there are greater difficulties compared to what the person is going through, it is not advisable to say something like this to a person with depression, since it can generate insecurity and fear.
“If you keep going like this, you’ll never get better.” : This comment can carry an enormous weight for those who are going through difficult times and can be very damaging, since, if the person takes it literally, they will believe that there is no possible improvement.
“Life is too short to be like this” : Depression is related to a negative view of life. Therefore, emphasizing the duration of a mood will not be helpful, since it can aggravate the feelings the person has.
“You have to be okay for the people who love you” : It is important to highlight that depression has a complex relationship with responsibilities. People who suffer from this condition feel that they cannot carry out any responsibility because they feel inferior to other people.
“Stop pretending you’re depressed” : Lack of understanding and lack of empathy towards people experiencing this condition can be extremely harmful. It is important to choose appropriately the words with which we address someone who is suffering.
What can you say to a person with depression
What can we say to someone who is depressed? Beyond the phrases that should not be said to a person with depression, there are other ways of communicating that are effective in helping the person who is going through difficult times. Below we show you some phrases or expressions that can be of great help:
“I’m here for whatever you need” : Letting the person know that someone will be available for them allows for non-invasive companionship. Additionally, understanding that the person is not alone in facing their pain can provide relief to the person with depression.
“I understand what’s happening to you” : In relation to the previous point, it is important to show empathy so that the person feels better. This happens because, in some way, the fact of accompanying can be synonymous with peace of mind.
“How can I help you?” : Showing understanding of the condition can be very reassuring for people suffering from depression.
“You will be able to get ahead” : Emphasizing the positive aspects can help change a person’s perspective on their own life. Therefore, showing him that he can be better will give him security.
“You are a valuable person” : Related to the previous sentence, explaining that it has great value is a way of showing trust. A person who trusts himself can achieve more goals and objectives in life.
If you want more tips on what to do if someone you know has depression, you can read How to Help a Person with Depression.
This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to What to say and what not to say to someone with depression we recommend that you enter our Clinical Psychology category.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington: Panamericana Medical Publishing.
