When Your Identity Is The Expectations Of Your Family
We understand life as a very complex set of factors, components and experiences, whose common point and in which all these elements are intertwined is our own identity. Some people have defined identity as an invisible force that shapes who we are, how we see ourselves, and how we interact with the world around us.
In general, identity is built little by little based on our experiences, the way we fit them and learn from them, our choices… However, in a social world and one in which we share so much space with other people, It is impossible for the construction of one’s own identity not to be influenced by the opinions, perceptions and expectations of other people
Specifically, the family is understood as the social group with which, in general, we share the most time and space throughout our lives. Our family has been with us since birth and educates us, not only in everyday and everyday notions, but also in terms of values ​​and ideologies, influencing the way we understand our environment and relate to it. For this reason, the family is considered the most influential personal group in our identity construction.
In this article, we will understand self-identity as an internal drive that defines and represents us. We will discuss how family expectations can mediate the construction of an identity, causing our personal strength to lose strength and identity to be mediated mainly by these expectations and influences.
Before we dive into how family expectations can shape our identity and its development, it is essential to understand what this fundamental concept in our existence as human beings really means.
Identity is a complex and constantly evolving construct that encompasses who we are in terms of our personality, values, beliefs, interests, social roles and interpersonal connections It is the sum total of our experiences and relationships over time, and it functions as a mirror that reflects our understanding of ourselves and the place we occupy in our personal world. Our identity can be understood as the driving force behind our decisions, goals and aspirations; It defines our passions and perspectives on life.
As we have commented, identity is not static or immutable; It evolves as we accumulate experiences and face challenges. Furthermore, it does not depend exclusively on us, it is shaped by external influences and, as stated in the introduction, one of the most significant influences we can receive comes from our family. As we grow, our parents and loved ones play a critical role in forming our initial identity. Their values, beliefs and expectations are part of our early psychology, and their influence lasts throughout our lives.
Influence of family expectations
Our family is our first source of information for practically all our learning and movements. Therefore, they end up becoming people whose opinions we always keep in mind and the expectations they have for us often become a powerful shaper of our identity. From an early age, parents, grandparents and other family members can transmit their own aspirations and values which can exert a significant influence on how we perceive our personal goals and desires.
1. Career expectations
One of the most notable aspects of family expectations is career choice. Many young people feel pressure to follow a career path that their parents consider suitable or prestigious, rather than following their own passions and talents.
This can lead to an identity built around a profession that does not truly satisfy them
2. Cultural norms and traditions
Family expectations may also be strongly rooted in cultural norms and traditions.
For example, in some cultures, individuals are expected to follow certain gender roles or follow family traditions in choosing a partner or lifestyle. These expectations can clash with someone’s personal identity and create internal tension by not fully daring to challenge them.
3. Academic pressure and achievements
Many parents want their children to meet certain academic standards or achievements, often in the belief that this will guarantee them a successful future. However, this pressure can lead young people to develop an identity based on performance and the constant search for external approval.
4. Beauty and body ideals
Family expectations can also influence how we perceive ourselves physically. Comments about weight, appearance and body shape can lead to body image problems and an identity built around the pursuit of physical perfection
Assigned roles in the family, such as being the responsible older brother or the pampered younger child, can also shape an individual’s identity. These roles can lead to behavioral patterns that persist into adult life.
The importance of developing our identity
Understanding the influence of our family in the construction of our identity, it is important to also realize the importance of developing our own and authentic identity that truly defines us. While the influence of family is powerful, it is also important to recognize our uniqueness as individuals and learn to challenge family impositions as long as we do not agree with them You must learn that each individual is unique and we must enjoy the opportunity to develop our own voice and sense of self.
Some reasons why developing an identity that truly defines us is essential are:
1. Authenticity
A self-identity allows a person to be authentic and genuine and develop following the paths or interests that truly represent them. When we live according to the expectations of others rather than our own aspirations and values, we can feel like we are playing a role rather than living our lives authentically.
2. Self-esteem
The development of one’s own identity is linked to greater self-esteem and confidence in ourselves. When we feel secure in who we are and value our identity, we are more prepared to face challenges, overcome obstacles, and trust that we have the capabilities and potential to do so.
3. Resilience
An established identity acts as a buffer for adversity By recognizing our personal and differential characteristics, we are more capable of facing challenges, overcoming external and social pressure and adapting to difficult situations.
4. Conscious decision making
A self-identity provides a solid basis for decision making. When we understand who we are and what we value, our choices are more consistent with our personal goals and desires.
5. Healthy relationships
Having a strong self-identity is also beneficial for interpersonal relationships. When we are authentic, we attract people who accept us for who we are and our relationships tend to be healthier and more meaningful.
6. Self-realization
Self-actualization, or the process of reaching our full potential as individuals, is intrinsically linked to a self-identity. When we live our lives according to our own passions and values, we are closer to achieving personal fulfillment.
The path to developing a healthy, authentic identity can be challenging, but it is a worthwhile pursuit Remember that developing your own identity is an ongoing process and can take time. There is no single formula to achieve this, since each individual is unique. If you feel that you are not capable of carrying out this process on your own, consider seeking professional and therapeutic help that can guide you in the search for your personal identity.
In conclusion, we are going to offer some practical advice that can help you find that balance between family expectations and your own identity, questioning aspects of yourself and your environment and proposing techniques to realize the path you want to take.
1. Self-exploration
Take time to get to know yourself, reflect on your values, beliefs, passions and personal goals. Think about what proportions of everything you discover about yourself do you think has been defined or determined to a greater extent by your family? or if, on the contrary, it defines you fully. Give value to the characteristics that make you feel unique or different from your family.
2. Open communication
Talk to your family about your thoughts and feelings. It may be a good idea to communicate your desires and needs openly, making them understand your concerns about your identity and the relationship it has (or not) with their expectations and desires for you. Perhaps communicating that you feel limited to some extent by them can help them realize their influence on you and mediate it in another way.
3. Set limits
Recognize your own limits and learn to say no when necessary. Setting healthy boundaries is essential to preserving your identity and protecting your well-being. As we have commented in the previous advice, putting your needs and emotional concerns on the table with your family can make them understand the confusion you are going through and, perhaps, building a solution between both parties can be very positive for you and your relationship with them.
4. Look for new experiences
Explore new activities, interests and hobbies that help you discover more about yourself. If you feel that the things you like are largely mediated by the influence of your family, it is time for you to realize what it is that you really like or to finally dare to do what you have always wanted, but You were afraid of the family reaction.
