Love life and emotional relationships have a paradoxical characteristic: although they greatly affect our well-being, they are something over which we have rather little control.
That is why many people wonder… why am I not lucky in love? And unrequited love and failures when trying to live a stable relationship can be experienced from a catastrophic perspective, as if we were predestined to unhappiness.
In this article we will see several possible answers to that question, and at the same time we will review various tips and recommendations about what to do whether you are looking for a relationship or if you are in one that is going through its worst moments.
If relationships and marriages are complicated, it is among other things because there are many ways for them to go wrong, or even not start
Liking someone to the point that reciprocal love emerges and leads to a stable relationship is a process that requires delicate balances. Balances maintained between psychological phenomena that are often mutually exclusive: sexual desire versus commitment, enthusiasm versus discipline to coexist properly, desire to be liked versus honesty, etc.
In any case, if we want to address this issue we will have to simplify these types of problems to make them understandable and relatively easy to solve. Therefore, let’s divide bad luck in love into two parts: problems finding a partner and problems maintaining romantic relationships.
Many people who believe they have bad luck in love they feel that it is very difficult for them to find a partner Let’s see what it could be due to.
1. Obsession with finding someone
No one is obliged to have a partner, even though culturally tradition imposes various expectations related to marriage on us.
Perhaps a good part of what makes you think you have bad luck in love is precisely that obsession with finding someone quickly. prevents you from taking this process naturally on the one hand, or that you feel bad for not feeling interest in anyone, something completely normal.
2. Distorted expectations
This doesn’t simply mean having too high expectations regarding what it means to find love. It means, among other things, giving a lot of importance to the idea that there are high and low expectations in love life.
Whoever falls in love does so through an experience that completely changes their perspective on life. It is a qualitative change, not a quantitative one, and for it to occur, in many cases, initial prejudices must be overcome
So, the trick is to meet new people, with all that this implies: opening yourself up to all types of people, beyond labels, and valuing them for what they really do and are.
3. Communication problems
It’s not all about searching. Someone who wants to attract another person’s attention (romantically) must master basic principles of social skills.
For example, expressing yourself well, being clear in what you say not being too mysterious, etc.
4. Lack of knowledge of social conventions
It is important to be aware that there are certain social conventions that, although they should not govern our personal relationships, are there.
Having them as a reference is important for knowing how others perceive us in the early stages of a conversation (and even before starting them).
For example, unwritten rules about the degree of trust expected in a stranger, about dress codes, etc.
5. Play the victim
Sometimes, those who believe they have bad luck in love enter into an infinite loop situation: becoming so pessimistic that they give no reason for others to be interested in them.
Playing the victim as if others owed us attention and affection is a serious mistake The pain we feel may be very real, and it is true that we do not have to hide it, but that does not mean that we should constantly make others feel guilty.
And, of course, trying to feel pity to generate attraction results in an effect completely opposite to the desired one.
Bad luck in love life: courtships and marriages
It is also very possible that bad luck in love is experienced especially when it comes to forming a relationship that lasts and is consolidated through healthy coexistence between lovers
In these cases, the problem is not so much finding a partner (although it can also be that) but rather making these loving bonds sustained over time and not only that: that they are reinforced as the months and years go by.
In this sense, to understand what is happening, It is necessary to take into account all the aspects that we have seen so far and also the following questions.
1. The lack of possibilities of emancipation
Every love relationship needs time and space in which to develop, and that means that it is very difficult for the emotional bond to be maintained if you do not have the possibility of living with basic material resources.
For example, if many years pass and despite the wishes of both people involved, it is not possible to find a sufficiently affordable apartment in which to live together, This will wear out the relationship
Achieving that economic stability is important, and that involves working efficiently and developing our talents, as well as doing everything possible so that society improves economically.
2. Lack of communication
Communication failures are very common in couple relationships. For example, assuming that the other person knows what we are talking about when in reality they do not, interpreting certain ambiguous phrases as mockery or accusations, etc.
In this regard, all you have to do is practice these social skills and talk together about the most frequent mistakes you make in this area, assuming a proactive and honest attitude and relying on constructive criticism.
3. Lack of commitment
Having a loving relationship is also a job in which you have to invest time and effort Being clear about this is important, because it would be a mistake to assume that true love is one in which everything flows without making the slightest effort.
Simply taking into account the needs and interests of the person you love means that you have to put effort into making the relationship a comfortable context for both of you, not just for you.
If almost everything fails, you can always go to couples therapy, although even to resort to this it is necessary that there be a minimum of commitment; For example, if you are having a relationship with a third person outside of courtship or marriage, couples therapy has no future and should not be started.
