Why Are Parents Talked About During Psychotherapy?
In movies, books, anecdotes from people who have gone to psychological therapy… in the vast majority of stories about what a psychotherapy session is like, fathers and mothers are mentioned and treated as part of the story.
Everyone knows the cliché of the psychoanalyst and the couch asking and interpreting the role of the mother and father in the patient’s life It is not the usual way of working on this aspect today, but it is true that it is discussed and deepened at some point in therapy.
In this article we will see the reasons why it is common to dedicate part of the therapy to talking about the primary caregivers of every human being, both the father and the mother.
Why do psychologists ask about fathers and mothers?
Parents are our first contact with affection We learn it from them, and it will be a determining factor in the quality of our future relationships both within the family and outside, in our adult lives.
Higher self-esteem, better academic performance, better communication within the family, and fewer behavioral problems have been linked in various studies to loving and secure affection. On the other hand, children who have less loving or more fearful parents tend to have lower self-esteem and feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive or antisocial.
As parents, get a balance in the affection shown and the situations in which it is best to maintain a position of authority It is an aspect that is vital to pay attention to.
Rules and limits
What we consider to be right and what is wrong, what to do and what not to do, are also details that we first learn from our parents. In childhood we usually have limits, rules and consequences that can influence us throughout life
Do you reflect with your children on limits or are they imposed without justifying them? Boys and girls need limits, care and attention, adolescents need freedom and guidance, and young adults need peace and privacy. Adults who were listened to, spoken to correctly, and treated with patience in their childhood tend to have better mental and emotional health.
Can only parents be references?
Although parents are the adult reference figures for most people, this is not the case in all cases. Teachers, coaches, siblings, social workers or psychologists They can play the role of reference figures, especially for people whose parents have not been able or have not known how to take care of them. Blood relationship is not a requirement for this type of role.
Furthermore, in a hyperconnected world, many new reference figures and role models may appear, among them the so-called “influencers” who can condition both people and their way of daily coexistence.
In psychotherapy, it is important to find out what these reference figures have been in the person’s life to be able to delve deeper into both current problems and healthy learning that can help improve the problematic situation.
As a general rule, and especially in societies surrounding the Mediterranean Sea, we want to stay close to our parents in some way when we are in our adulthood. Their opinion and how they make us feel can worry us throughout our lives
Therefore, it is again important to find a balance in which we ensure that we build a relationship with them in which this influence is positive. Knowing the extent to which reference figures influence a person’s adult life becomes crucial for therapy to progress and a collaborative relationship between therapist and patient to be formed.
Do family patterns tend to repeat themselves when you are an adult?
Observe yourself, meditate on how you are similar or different from your parents, find out what you would like to change and what you would like to repeat and maintain with great pleasure… If we do not ask ourselves these questions consciously, The most likely thing is that we will repeat what we have learned without this being either healthy or positive
