Why Are There People Who Romanticize Jealousy In A Couple?
It may be that it took a lot of effort for yourself or someone you know to control their jealousy in relation to a relationship, even ending this bond for this reason. Jealousy is a cultural phenomenon that affects relationships, but also the way we feel towards ourselves and the way we manage our emotions and emotional ties.
Taking a look at the representations of relationships and love in the mainstream media and in the collective imagination of our societies, it seems that jealousy has been presented over time as a viable phenomenon and even, at times, , necessary to maintain loving relationships. Fortunately, in recent years, awareness has increased about how harmful these can be, showing the need to deconstruct them.
Throughout this article, we are going to answer the question of why jealousy is still romanticized This is a complicated topic to deal with, since jealousy can be part of aggressive behavior in relationships. Although it may be a sensitive topic for some people, it is important to approach it with knowledge and tact and argue from the beginning about the need to completely cut off jealousy and advocate for the construction of healthy relationships based on trust.
Jealousy has been defined, from a perspective focused on the relevance of emotions, as complex and negative emotions. These usually arise as part of a real or imagined suspicion of the existence of a threat to a relationship that is considered valuable and which may be associated with the fear of losing it Understanding jealousy as an emotion means considering it a response that alerts us that a relationship that we do not want to lose is threatened. However, this does not have to be true; In most cases, jealousy generates threats that do not truly exist.
From other perspectives more inclined towards the social study of relationships, the aim is to describe jealousy as part of socially shared beliefs about the nature of love. This nature of love involves myths such as that of jealousy, which present it as a sign of love, that the other person in the relationship “matters to you.” However, it is important to define that jealousy does not reflect love, but rather the feeling of possessiveness for the other person; They equate the other person in a relationship with property.
The study of jealousy has differentiated between men and women. A multitude of studies argue that there is greater concern in men about the possibility of experiencing infidelity than in the case of women; but that, if this infidelity already occurs, it has more harmful emotional effects on women than on men.
How has jealousy been romanticized?
To understand how jealousy has been transmitted and generalized in our society, it is important to have as a reference the cultural perspectives of authors such as DeSteno, Salovey and Bartlett. These perspectives have offered alternative explanations that place the origin of jealousy in the differences between men and women throughout the process of differential socialization and in social and cultural influence. These differences would make a difference to the way in which men and women have subscribed (or not) to the gender norms and roles characteristic of a given ideological context.
1. Culture of honor
The culture of honor has been defined as the set of emotional reactions that can be justified by the defense of something considered one’s own. These reactions are the result of a learning process established in groups or societies about ways to defend property These ideas have been legitimized not only on a social level, but also legally, producing representations about what is considered correct or incorrect in relation to the way in which “one’s own” is defended.
The use of the culture of honor associated with couple relationships and the explanation of jealousy derived from them is conflictive, since the culture of honor is presented as focused mainly on material, identity or cultural goods. When we talk about a relationship, we refer to people; and this could be the simplest explanation of why jealousy is harmful to romantic relationships. People cannot be equated with properties, when we feel a person as if they were property we are dehumanizing them and equating them with an object; with something instrumental. Conceiving in this way a person with whom we should have a healthy emotional bond based on trust and mutual respect is not an adequate way to build healthy relationships.
Romantic love is the most classic conception of romantic relationships that defends that we all have a better half or a predestined person, so it is necessary to fight to find this love and to seek its maintenance. This is the type of love that has been and still is presented in most movies, books or songs that deal with the theme of love. Culturally, we are subject to a constant whitewashing of romantic love. For this reason, jealousy becomes normalized or naturalized, considering it part of love because it is important to fight for relationships.
3. Normalization of psychological violence
Synthesizing the two previous points, one could speak of the normalization of psychological violence as one of the main causes of the socialization of jealousy and even conceiving it as a natural part of couple relationships. In general, throughout our socialization and in relation to the establishment of loving bonds, it is very common to hear phrases like “those who fight want each other” or “love hurts.” These are false myths related to the culture of honor and romantic love that have normalized the establishment of jealousy as part of relationships, whitewashing its representation of behaviors related to psychological violence.
It is important to take into consideration that jealousy has been defined as causal factors of gender violence Maintaining the belief that your relationship is being threatened, not trusting your partner and blaming them for the fact that you have developed this jealousy and insecurities are ways of lowering your partner’s self-esteem. In this case, the person who has to correctly manage her emotions is you; You have to learn not to be guided by an impression that you don’t know if it is real and not blame your partner for your insecurities.
How to manage jealousy
Next, as a conclusion, we are going to propose strategies to understand and manage jealousy before it leads to too big a problem with your partner. It is important that you keep in mind that not only should you work on jealousy to improve your relationship, you should also do it for yourself. Maintaining a jealous attitude towards other people can be very harmful to your long-term mental health and to establishing meaningful and lasting connections of any kind.
The first step to managing jealousy is to become aware of it and the way it impacts your emotions. Recognizing your own feelings and realizing why you are experiencing jealousy is a very important step to reflect on your insecurities or fears that may be contributing to the development and maintenance of jealousy.
2. Communicate your feelings assertively
Honest and assertive communication can help strengthen trust and mutual understanding. Once you have identified your jealousy, it can be very positive to communicate it to your partner but not with the intention of blaming or accusing, but with the purpose of expressing how you are feeling, recognizing that these feelings can be a problem, but giving importance. to find a common solution.
3. Work on your self-esteem
Working on yourself, identifying your strengths and working on your areas of improvement is very effective in cultivating a positive self-image. This will allow you to build confidence in your own abilities and qualities and reduce your jealousy as you feel more confident in yourself.
4. Set healthy boundaries
Setting limits can help you manage jealousy, as long as these own limits do not limit your partner’s freedom. It is important talk and establish limits that are common to both Not because you experience jealousy, the entire course of the relationship should revolve around managing it; You must also recognize which problems are uniquely yours.
5. Seek support and work as a team
You don’t have to go through this process alone, seek help from friends, family and even therapeutic help. It is important to work as a team with your partner to strengthen the relationship and find constructive ways to address the problem, seeking to destroy every bit of romanticism that jealousy may have.
