Not rejoicing for the good of others is synonymous with feeling envy. Explore that emotion and discover how to channel it to improve your self-esteem.
In this week’s article I am going to talk to you about a topic that we often think about but rarely recognize: not being happy for the good of others. Examples of this could be: seeing a person who has physical traits that I would like to have, that someone has gotten a great job and I am unemployed or in a job that does not fulfill me, that a friend has a relationship. great and I’m always arguing with mine, that a family member gets married or decides to start a family and I can’t achieve it, etc.
All these examples have in common an emotion that can be positive but at the same time negative: envy
Envy is an emotion that arises from desires, objectives or goals that have not been achieved or cannot be achieved. It is nothing more than personal frustration that we end up channeling into comparison with other people. When we observe that the neighbor, friend, cousin, brother, brother-in-law… has achieved what you long for, this emotion arises that, when well channeled, can help to overcome oneself, but generally makes us focus on the other person, generating enmity, resentment, frustration or even hatred. For these conditions to occur, the person normally has low self-esteem and suffers from great insecurities.
The person who is envious sees the other person as a reference, his or her distorted reflection in the mirror. Instead of focusing on his own life, on what he has to change in order to be happy, he focuses on others to try to cause harm or simply distances himself from someone with whom he can have a great friendship or emotional bond because of this emotion.
We usually use the phrase “healthy envy.” We say it many times but rarely do we truly feel it. To achieve this, it is important to set that person or what that person has achieved as an objective or goal to achieve.
1) Consider that the fight is not with the other person: If you liked her before she got that, why do you get angry or hate her now? Value the positive things you have and formulate a phrase like: “even though… I have gotten what I want, I only feel envy. He/she is not the problem, the problem is that I am dissatisfied, insecure, frustrated.” /to”.
2) Focus on your own goals and strive to achieve those objectives: If you want to have a sculpted body, go to the gym and eat a healthy diet, accepting your own reality. If you want to get pregnant but your husband doesn’t want to, talk to him and make him see your need instead of envying someone who gets pregnant. If you neighbor has gotten a job that you envy, train yourself and find a way to get a similar job.
3) Accept your own limitations and create realistic goals: Frustration is also an emotion that we tend to reject. We don’t like having to accept that we can’t achieve something. However, sometimes it is the best way to stop feeling envious and thus be able to rejoice in the good of others. For example, if you are a shy person, with little leadership ability and who feels bad when you have to order things to others, you will hardly be eligible for a managerial position. Perhaps it would be interesting for you to modify your goals, and focus on fighting to feel good about yourself. If you want to get pregnant but your husband doesn’t want to, you either accept the situation or consider whether you want to continue with that person. But the solution does not lie in hating your cousin, she has achieved it.
Therefore, it is important to remember that every time we feel envy, it is because there is our own dissatisfaction. The fight is not against the other but against oneself. The thing is that it is easier to hate the other person than to face their own fears. Fight for what you want and that envy will disappear while your self-esteem will increase.
