Why Do I Feel All My Emotions With Such Intensity?

Why do I feel all my emotions so intensely?

This is a question that frequently appears in sessions. “Why am I so intense?” In these situations we always start by talking about the meaning of emotions at an evolutionary level. As I mentioned in one of the previous articles, emotions are like car sensors, they warn us not to crash.

That is, they appear to give us the message of what is not good for us, what I need to grow, what should change in a situation, etc. These emotions will appear in response to what we are experiencing, whether it is something external (I have gotten a new job and I feel happy about it), or something internal (I remember something unpleasant and I feel angry or sad).

Feel emotions very intensely

One of the biggest problems that usually appears is judgment, and that is that in most situations we do not want to feel I shouldn’t feel this way about “x” person who I feel doesn’t value me, I shouldn’t have been so excited about this new relationship, I don’t want the breakup with my partner to continue hurting me and a wide etcetera. Think about it, to a situation that is already unpleasant for ourselves we are adding extra anxiety or discomfort by not allowing ourselves enough space for the emotion to pass through.

Furthermore, judging ourselves and avoiding feeling emotions that we consider negative is not only not the way to not feel them, but it will make them stay trapped, encapsulated, intensify and end up coming out in another form when you can no longer hold them.

All of this may be making you think that you feel too much or that you are too intense. It is possible that you are not allowing yourself to feel unpleasant but necessary emotions to redirect our life to a state that is more comfortable for us and that by not letting them out you are accumulating for so long that when they do come out, they do so in rapid succession.

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Here I always give the example of the foam churrito with which we learn to swim, if I get on top and lower it as deep as I can, until it can’t be seen, the moment I lose balance the churririto will shoot towards up and rising above the surface of the water, well, the same thing will happen with emotions.

Another possibility is that you are experiencing a particularly unpleasant, tense or stressful situation So in this case the most adaptive thing is to feel with that intensity, since it adapts to what is happening and will help us make quick decisions to get out of these potentially dangerous situations for us.

I may be in an environment that doesn’t validate me (or at least I don’t feel that way) and therefore have constant feedback that I’m not coherent, or that what I feel is too intense, or that maybe I shouldn’t feel the way I feel. in the situations I am experiencing.

In this case, look at the following example: if I start to get to know a person and I get excited about the possibility of generating a healthy relationship, it is normal that when I don’t achieve it I feel sad or frustrated, but if my environment tells me that I am very intense or that I should not get excited so quickly to that emotion of sadness or anger, we are going to add the anguish of not doing things well or of thinking that I cannot relate to the world in which I currently live.

Another option is that in my story there is some event that has been traumatic and it is generating that in certain situations my emotions have a strength above what we consider adaptive. For example, if I have suffered abuse as a woman, it is normal that in situations where I am alone with a man, anxiety and anguish appear about going out or because someone appears to give me security. In this case, it is important that I work on the traumatic event so that my life is not limited by it.

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Finally, we cannot ignore the fact that lately we have seen very fashionable toxic positivism in networks Here we will reject unpleasant emotions, understanding that the only way to be happy is to always keep ourselves in a positive perspective and repress those unpleasant emotions/thoughts that we feel are taking us away from it. Here we will feel that something is wrong with us when these inevitably appear and we will again feel that it is not right to feel the way we feel.

In subsequent articles we will talk in more detail about each of the situations that we have discussed in this article. On the other hand, I recommend that, in any of the situations that we have mentioned previously, I would recommend that if you currently feel that you have “fighted” with your emotions or that they overwhelm or surpass you when it comes to managing them, you seek help from a professional. of mental health that helps you understand yourself better.