People with certain behavioral patterns tend to replicate such behaviors in various versions Perhaps one of the most frequent is the tendency to choose a partner in a certain way.
During the course of therapeutic consultations, certain levels of consciousness are recorded in the patient’s speech in such repetitions; The person does not know how to get out of this vicious circle, generating an insistent detour in their attempts to change the other person.
The fundamental key lies in the individuality of each person and the permission to review the life history, beliefs, mandates and upbringing that have given rise to such behavior.
Why does this unconsciously seek the repetition of such links happen?
These tendencies to repeat the way of choosing relationships They have a beginning in the upbringing that has been received from parents or trainers with certain characteristics that in adult life should be reviewed in order to cut off such repetition.
Behavior patterns have their origin in childhood, a space where the psychic structure is built and, from there, the way of perceiving the world. All learning is generated by observation and repetition, copying from the environment with which we grow up. Such learning is incorporated through action or through communication with the references that one has in those early years, a task that is generally carried out by fathers and mothers.
Thus, if such references manifest themselves in certain situations or relationships with anger, fights, inappropriate language… This will be the likely way that the child will respond when secondary socialization begins managing a conflict or his emotions as he learned from those models and references, making his first repetitions in sharing with his peers.
Sometimes, these children’s behaviors can cause parents to reconsider their own way of behaving, and from this observation in the child, Your child begins to consider how to change the dynamics of reactions in the family
If parents do not ask themselves a key question about their way of relating to generate change, that child will continue to repeat linking such repetitive patterns throughout their life.
Let’s see some example
If the relationship you established with your mother is to protect her when you see her distressed, this will probably be beneficial in your adult bonding life. If the child interpreted fears or feelings of abandonment in relation to his parents s, this will also be repeated in relationships with certain behaviors towards the member of the relationship.
In this way, it will be important to review the life history to be able to decide what to take from that history to continue and what things to let go of in adulthood.
There are chapters within each person’s story that may not be to their liking or could generate psychological trauma from here the work of elaborating such damages, accepting that history so as not to struggle with what happened and thus be able to ask ourselves how we want to position ourselves.
Knowing that such patterns of behavior can have an end is relieving information. Such endings must be worked on and processed. The starting point is to recognize such patterns of behavior in romantic relationships Recording when the reaction is being present is of great importance so that we bring it to consciousness, being able to immediately generate a question such as:
The search for some answers It brings to consciousness a content that is kept repressed unconsciously and the possibility of knowing it is the first step to healing.
Relationships, the bond where this is most frequently manifested, not the only one, are a mirror/reflection of unhealed childhood issues.
To do?
For these relationships to be healthy and growing, work must be done there, establishing limits with the member of the couple and with oneself, applying certain tools and incorporating them into your daily life as a habit:
Relationships with toxicity or dependence can be worked on, developed and healed from the origin of such behaviors. Remember that whoever is by your side is just a role in your life, he is not there to support your needs, they are yours and it is your responsibility to cure them.
Couple bonds can be very beautiful to grow, learn and build from health and well-being if you allow it.
