Feeling a certain sense of loneliness is perfectly normal In day to day. There are situations that make us feel isolated, such as preparing for exams or thinking about death. These are perfectly normal ways in which totally human feelings are expressed.
However, it is one thing to feel alone from time to time and another to transform loneliness into a way of life, voluntarily or involuntarily. The second can drag us towards a pathological situation, significantly increases stress levels and increases the chances of dying relatively soon.
These data are especially worrying considering that many investigations point to a mass social phenomenon: during the last decades, and especially young people of the millennial generation, the feeling of loneliness has spread in an incredible way
According to data from the American Social Survey, the number of people who declare that they do not have any close friends has tripled over the last few decades since the 1980s; In fact, the most frequent answer to the question of how many solid friendships one has is “zero”, something that was answered by around a quarter of the individuals surveyed.
Likewise, the average number of people with whom the average American claims to be able to talk about important things has gone from three to two.
This kind of data, also found in many other Western countries, shows us the extent to which loneliness is becoming a kind of psychological epidemic But why does this happen? Psychologist Caroline Beaton offers two explanations that complement each other.
Beaton draws attention to the fact that loneliness is not something that only affects the person who experiences it firsthand; It also leaves a mark on others. Individuals who feel this way They tend to adopt a defensive attitude and, on average, they act in a slightly more hostile or distant manner than would be expected.
In fact, many times their isolation is self-constructed; at the slightest sign that the relationship with a person has stagnated a little or is not as intense as before, They abandon that relationship, considering it lost This can happen even in a matter of minutes, in a conversation; When the dialogue loses fluidity, the person who feels alone leaves prematurely, even though seconds before they would have been very interested in the exchange of ideas.
The result of this is that the person with whom the person who feels lonely ends up experiencing this feeling too, and learns this relational style.
Once someone has experienced loneliness through the eyes of another, they adopt that perspective and tend to reproduce it in their daily life. The reason is that, like those who feel alone, they become distrust your judgment when recognizing positive reactions of others in social situations; Since a sincere smile can be followed by withdrawal, you are no longer sure when the dialogue is going well and when it is not.
The impact of the Internet
The other major cause of the loneliness epidemic is, according to Beaton, the normalization of the use of the Internet as an environment that replaces face-to-face social relationships
Feeling that you are in connection with others through the Internet is very addictive, because it is something that can be done from home, or at any time and place, and allows us to avoid a good part of the consequences of social failure However, the Internet is a substitute for social relationships, and that is why its effects, despite being immediate, fade the moment we move away from the technological devices that allow us to be online.
While the bonds of friendship forged through face-to-face dialogue and physical contact leave a trace that is experienced even when one has not seen the other person for days, the links maintained through the Internet are much more superficial and less significant, so you have to constantly feed them to avoid experiencing the feeling of loneliness again.
Thus, on the one hand, the Internet offers a replacement for the ties of friendship with immediate and inexpensive effects, and on the other, the time dedicated to these connections prevents face-to-face friendships from being created. In fact, something as simple as having a Smartphone nearby makes a gathering of friends significantly less stimulating.
How to prevent mass loneliness?
To reverse the effects of this generalization of loneliness, it seems essential to educate in the use of new technologies and social skills. This involves setting certain rules regarding the use of tablets and smartphones, but also for helping self-esteem not to be damaged by interactions that are perceived as a failure or a waste of time.
