In a relationship, not only can third parties exist in the present, sometimes psychological ghosts come from the past. Do you feel uncomfortable when your partner talks to you about his ex? This can be due to multiple reasons and in most cases it does not mean that you are still in love with that person. At PsychologyFor we answer this question that so many people have asked themselves at some point in their lives: “Why is my partner telling me about his ex?” We help you clear up doubts.
Memories from the past When you start a relationship, that person already has a previous history. And that previous stage continues to be part of her life. Therefore, it has left memories. And this is the main reason why your partner talks to you about your ex. That person is part of your story. What is truly significant is not that he tells you about that person, but how he does it, under what circumstances and how often.
They stay in touch Maybe your partner and his or her ex have some kind of contact, perhaps they have not completely broken the bond and maintain a friendship, even if it is superficial. Or maybe you have a circle of friends in common. This creates a context in which it is very possible that your partner will continue talking to you in the present tense about his ex, although from a different perspective.
A recent breakup When a person begins a new romantic relationship with someone who has just broken up with their partner, then that someone has not yet completely closed the grief for that heartbreak.
Naturalness Your partner talks to you about his ex very naturally when for some reason he feels like telling you about a detail that has some meaning. In fact, this communication can be a symptom of transparency and trust that your partner shows you by avoiding the opposite option: that of hiding information.
He wants to give you value Your partner may talk to you about his ex to involve you in situations from that moment and how he is happier now that he is with you.
unexpected meeting It may happen that your partner has spoken to you about his ex again because they have had a chance reunion on the street after years without seeing each other. Sometimes, these coincidences produce emotions even if the door to the past is completely closed. A coincidence that can currently also be experienced online through a contact on social networks.
Platonic love If your partner talks to you very frequently about his ex and in a tone that shows nostalgia, it may be a sign that he still feels something important for that person inside. Perhaps, from the perspective of distance, she has idealized him. What is the risk in this case? When a person has oversized the past, he does not leave room to build the present.
He wants to make you jealous It is not a positive sign of mature love, however, some people play the psychological game of making their partner jealous by giving their ex greater notoriety.
How do you feel when your partner talks to you about his ex?
Just as important as your partner telling you about their ex is how you feel at that moment, since, surely, it is this inner feeling that leads you to want to know if those words have any special meaning. What do you have to avoid in this situation? Make presuppositions and hypotheses because you run the risk of exaggerating what happened.
If your partner talks about his ex because he still feels love for that person, it is very possible that feel discomfort at that moment, simply, because no matter how much your partner wants to hide what he feels, it is very possible that some gesture or some detail will give him away.
If that person becomes a constant presence in the relationship because he or she comes up in the topics of conversation almost daily, it is normal for this to make you uncomfortable. Then, talk about it with your partner
There is a detail that may be especially uncomfortable for you and that is harmful in love. If your partner compares you to his ex, then, set your limits and don’t accept this kind of situation. You are not in their life to fill the void that person left.
In the following PsychologyFor article, you can find other tips to avoid feeling jealous of your partner’s exes.
What to do if he talks to you about his ex?
Follow your own instinct and intuition to act in the way you see fit. If your partner frequently talks to you about his ex and this makes you uncomfortable, speak naturally about this topic since the best way to resolve any doubt is through a sincere dialogue between both.
Sometimes, a mirror law occurs in relationships. That is, maybe your partner talks to you about her ex because you also talk to her about your ex-partner. However, you give more meaning to his comments.
Try to face this situation as an opportunity to improve communication and trust as a couple.
This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Why does my partner tell me about his ex? we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.
