Why Doesn’t My Son Listen To Me? 7 Psychological Tricks To Get Your Attention
Why doesn’t your child pay attention to you? What is the reason why children who don’t pay attention behave so badly? Discover the psychological reality of this event and how to solve it.
“I’ve tried everything and it’s still going its way.“, “My son/daughter doesn’t pay attention to me “, these are typical phrases that parents can express. This is because many times, children lack the tools to be able to correctly express what they need and parents too, to know how to translate what is happening to the child or what is what doesn’t work.
We must understand that our child is telling us that he is not well, but he may not be well with himself or that he does not feel comfortable in the school and/or social environment (and expresses this at home) or in the family. Here we can find different situations: low self-esteem, problems managing emotions, lack of references and/or limits at home, developing a role that does not correspond to them… There are many reasons why the children who don’t pay attention They behave this way.
As we have said, there are various reasons why children who don’t pay attention They don’t pay attention to their parents. The main reason this situation happens is precisely because children of all ages have a lot of energy. When children do not have the opportunity to exercise their power in a positive way toward others, they begin to do so through a more negative attitude.
On many occasions, parents see this attitude full of negativity towards them as a sign of a lack of affection on the part of their sons and daughters. Although children may sometimes seem cruel towards their own parents, the reality is that this type of behavior is normal, since children are trying to reaffirm their ego. When these types of situations are repeated frequently, perhaps there is something wrong on both your part and theirs.
How to make a child obey?
Therefore, the first thing to know when children begin to ignore It’s how we approach him. It is essential to maintain eye contact, so we will need to get at his level and make sure he looks at us. We can reinforce this attention by seeking physical contact, whether through a caress or holding their hand.
At the time of talk to children who don’t pay attention, we must do it with a calm, confident, firm and neutral tone, trying to be as clear as possible, adapting what we have to tell them to their language. The fewer indications we give, the easier the message will arrive. In this way, psychologists suggest the following recommendations.
Use empathy: The first thing we must do is see that we understand that he feels bad, but that expressing it out of anger, with bad behavior or keeping his feelings to himself, does not help him or help the family function well. When a child begins to ignore It is vital to help him know how to say what is happening to him; That is why it is key that we know how to put ourselves in their place.
Express your feelings: Speaking from emotions, from how we feel, we will help you do the same with your feelings. The facts are debatable, but how each person feels is not. In this way, one of the objectives to which parents talking to their children they must reach is precisely to try to get them to express their emotions and feelings.
Acknowledge your opinion: We must be aware of what we are asking of him and know how to recognize if we are demanding too much or if we are giving the message in a way that it reaches him. If not, it is very human to be able to apologize and reformulate what we want to convey to you.
Share similar experiences: If we have experienced a similar situation up close, it can be of great help to explain it to you. However, if the problem affects the entire family, showing how we feel and sharing experiences will help us connect with the children who ignore us.
Motivate him to behave better: One of the ways that the children start to pay attention to their parents is trying to use motivation. To do this, you must make him see that he has more tools than he thinks to be able to manage it. Making mistakes or having a bad time is a source of learning. Presenting the situation as a challenge can help you look forward.
Use alternatives to no: Always saying no is a source of constant frustration for the little ones. In this way, the best method to get children to start paying attention of his parents is trying to make him see other paths, other options, that open his vision of the situation.
Be patient: Still, sometimes they are so angry that they don’t want to talk. In the case of a non-negotiable issue (to go to the bathtub, to pick up, etc.) we will repeat the instructions with the same tone of voice and we can anticipate the consequences of not doing so. It is very important that, if he is behaving badly, we do not reinforce this behavior by giving him even more attention, since this would be a kind of reward for him to continue misbehaving. As soon as he does something in the direction of what we have asked of him, we must praise him and give him more attention, since in this way he will understand that the appropriate behavior is what gives him our attention.
