Why Don’t My Relationships Last? 11 Possible Causes
There are many causes that precipitate the breakup in a relationship, since if each person is different, with romantic relationships the number of variables involved is even greater.
However, in practice it is observed that there are a series of psychological factors and behavioral phenomena more capable than the rest when it comes to wearing down romantic relationships. In fact, among people who come to psychotherapy complaining because they cannot maintain medium- and long-term relationships, certain patterns tend to appear that are repeated over and over again. Let’s see what they are so that, in this way, it is easier to answer the question of: “Why do my relationships last so little?”
Possible reasons why your relationships don’t last
No one is born learned, and when it comes to relationships, most of us need to “take note” of what works and what doesn’t work based on experience. That is not a bad thing, but a sign that Any deep emotional bond is complex and cannot be faced from the mentality of reading an instruction manual on love
There are, however, certain elements that over time are capable of putting an end to the courtship and that are sometimes difficult to detect and identify as crisis triggers. It should be noted that these causes can overlap and occur at the same time in the same couple, and on the other hand, none of them imply that the relationship is destined to fail. That said, let’s see what these common causes of the dissolution of relationships are.
1. Very different personalities
Personality is a very influential factor in the duration of romantic relationships as well as common interests or not, shared needs or convergent vital objectives.
Beyond the myth that “opposites attract” in love, reality proves quite the opposite. The more similar the members of the couple are in their personality, that is, in how they are, the way they live their lives or interpret and address the vicissitudes of their environment, the more likely they will remain a couple for a long time.
On the contrary, it is somewhat more likely that two people whose personalities clash head-on on a recurring basis will last less time together.
2. Fundamental discrepancies regarding future plans
Another factor that can be decisive when it comes to making a relationship work or not is shared future aspirations that is, the plans that any person has regarding their future.
In the same way as in the previous case, those people with common hobbies or activities and with compatible plans between the two members of the couple tend to have things easier in love.
A person’s long-term plans are a very important aspect in a person’s life, they constitute the compass or map on which they build their lives, and that is why sometimes it is essential to find someone who is not incompatible with those expectations.
3. Different conceptions of commitment
Some relationships fail when both partners have different or opposing ideas about what it means to commit to a relationship.
Not all of us have the same idea about what a healthy and stable relationship should be like so that disagreements or lack of conformity can often arise regarding the direction to take in a relationship with another person.
In this section, commitment deserves a prominent mention, one of the main factors that can endanger the survival of the relationship when there is a lack of it in one of the members of the couple.
4. Big differences in libido level
Differences in libido or sexual desire also play a role in the success or failure in a relationship In fact, many people, both men and women, consider it to be one of the most crucial elements of life as a couple.
Like any factor present in the coexistence of a relationship, sex has to do with consensus, affection, attraction, caring for the other person and in general healthy and authentic communication.
If any of these elements fail, it is likely that the relationship will have its days numbered.
5. Poor discussion management
Resistant couples are those who know how to correctly manage an argument or several recurring arguments; Without a doubt this is another of the essential elements to achieve a lasting couple, because avoid unnecessary fights and moments of great discomfort
There are many ways to incorrectly manage a discussion, and among the classic ones the following stand out: taking any discussion as a fight of egos, and not as a way to approach positions or negotiate; not listening to the other person and only being aware of sharing your own message; Constantly becoming defensive or personally discrediting the other partner.
6. Communication and understanding
Most of us have read or heard on countless occasions that the basis of a good relationship is communication.
In this regard it should also be noted that understanding is equally important, since a lot of communication but without any subsequent understanding will be completely fruitless for the future of the relationship.
Listening to the other person, being able to express one’s own feelings and knowing how to recognize the needs of the other will be essential factors for the future of a healthy relationship.
7. Reconciliation problems
The difficulties that can arise daily between work and life as a couple are the order of the day in modern societies.
The ever-increasing demands of the labor market and the hectic pace of work are constants for many people who end up witnessing how Your work life ends up defeating your love life or as a couple.
8. Addiction problems
Addiction problems end up destroying not only the health of the person themselves but also their social environment, family and emotional relationships.
That is why When you have an addiction of any kind and seek professional help, it is likely that the affected person will end up losing their relationship This happens because people with untreated addictions reach a point where they seek solely and exclusively to satisfy their addictive disorder without taking into account anything else that is happening around them.
You may be interested: “Addiction: disease or learning disorder?”
Some people start their relationship without really wanting it, simply because of issues such as social pressure or some type of interest unrelated to true attraction or falling in love.
In these cases the relationship is born with very little chance of being lasting since sooner or later the true motivations that the person had when starting it will be discovered.
10. Routine
Routine is another of the classic elements within the factors that can precipitate the end of a relationship and it is something that many couples have had to face as a litmus test to succeed in the future.
Once the initial phase of falling in love or romance is over, in which everything seems perfect and both members believe that their relationship will last forever, a cooling point is often reached of the same that has to do with routine and the recurring practice of various habits.
The survival of the relationship will depend on the different tools that each of its members may have to overcome the routine, the cooling or the decrease in passion of the first phases of it.
11. Infidelities
Some people consider that infidelities in a relationship can be unsurmountable obstacles that will inevitably precipitate each of its members towards its end.
But it is also true that part of the couples manage to overcome a case of infidelity, and that is again due to the ability of one or both members to strengthen their relationship and manage to find an element on which to rely to move the relationship forward again. Of course, going to couples therapy also helps a lot to overcome this type of couple crisis due to infidelity.
Related article: “The 9 types of infidelity and their characteristics”
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My name is Javier Ares, and I specialize in emotional problems and those that have to do with loving and emotional relationships. I offer in-person and online sessions by video call.
