It seems that little by little ideas like that of the “better half” are being left behind, and We are increasingly aware of the importance of not losing our individuality, to not lose ourselves in the other person and stop being ourselves. Only by valuing, caring for and respecting our essence and that of the other person, will we be able to build healthy relationships.
The movies, stories and songs that accompany us throughout our lives have contributed to the creation of false myths about love and relationships, like Prince Charming, love conquers everything, opposite poles. They attract each other… It seems that the more suffering there is in the couple, the better the relationship will be and the more love there will be. But let’s not fool ourselves, love has to be easy, and if it isn’t, it’s not love.
What are the problems that couples usually present?
There are as many types of relationships as there are couples. There is no standard couple, each one creates their own codes and dynamics, they are neither better nor worse. And if the relationship works well like this, there is no reason for change.
However, in many cases, the couple is not well, and could benefit from couples therapy. Some of the reasons or problems that couples usually present are the following:
Communication is a key element in any human relationship. We must be aware of how we communicate with our partner If we use an aggressive, passive or assertive communication style. If we facilitate communication, or on the contrary we hinder it.
2. Discussion management
One of the most frequent problems that couples have is the poor management of arguments, in which reproaches abound, escalation of aggressiveness, power struggles (“who gives his arm to twist”), erroneous interpretations…
3. Intimacy and sexuality
With the passage of time, it is possible that the frequency, sexual appetite and moments of intimacy (such as caresses, displays of affection…) and sexual relations decrease. It may also happen that each member of the couple experiences it differently.
4. Infidelity
Third parties may appear, with the consequent emotional management derived from infidelity, such as guilt, regret and forgiveness or not of the other person
5. Different vital moments
Each member of the couple has a different life evolution, we are not the same at 20, at 35 or at 40 and, Although it may not be a problem, at some point, it can become one
6. Jealousy, insecurity and distrust
Jealousy, as we well know, can become pathological. Behind jealousy hides** an insecure personality that will dump all that insecurity on the other**, conditioning and destroying the relationship.
7. Monotony
Monotony and routine as a symptom of getting carried away by life and the rhythm of the relationship can also wear down the emotional bond. It is always positive to reinforce the good that exists and that maintains the relationship (also knowing how to enjoy routine), as well as looking for new illusions that break that monotony a little.
There are couples who are very close to their families of origin, it is difficult for them to set limits and they find themselves overwhelmed by their demands, generating real problems in the relationship.
9. Individual aspects of something member
Each member of the relationship, as we have already mentioned, is an individual person, with their strengths and limitations, their problems, their personal and work situation… If this is not taken into account and managed properly, it can cause conflicts in the relationship. couple.
10. Birth of children
The birth of a child brings a radical change in the dynamics of life together. The attention and care goes to the new member of the family leaving the care of the couple in the background.
What are the objectives of couples therapy?
When two people begin to consider the idea of going to couples therapy, the fundamental objective is to solve the problems they are having to keep alive a coexistence based on love As we have already seen, these difficulties can be related to monotony, communication, jealousy… and, if that is achieved, the therapy will have been a success.
However, Even if the therapy ends in a breakup or separation, it should not be valued or judged as a failure the other way around, since if thanks to the therapeutic process, they have reached that decision, it is probably because that was the best option and staying in the relationship meant prolonging the discomfort.
Another of the fundamental reasons for going to couples therapy, and one that almost no couple contemplates, is that of prevention, improvement and learning strategies to better deal with everyday situations within the relationship. Highlight the importance of both members of the relationship having common objectives to work on.
Whatever the objective, what will be sought will be to improve the well-being of each of the members of the couple, whether they decide not to continue with the common project, or if they decide to continue, since this will have a positive impact on coexistence.
Is this psychological intervention useful?
The answer to this question is a resounding yes. The problem comes in that In most cases, couples come to therapy late At that point, the relationship is very damaged and the members of the couple feel that they can’t take it anymore. In these cases, going to therapy is experienced as a “fire extinguisher”, that is, a last attempt to save the relationship.
Ignorance and myths about “seeing a psychologist” in general and couples therapy in particular make it difficult and delay the start of intervention by professionals.
Another problem that can make the process difficult is that there is no agreement and consensus among some of the members and that are not involved in the same way For the couple to stay afloat, they both have to row and do so in the same direction.
Are you interested in starting couples therapy?
If you are thinking about starting couples therapy and working on some of the objectives we have talked about, you can request information and help at Lua Psicología.
Is a center specialized in couples therapy that provides face-to-face therapy in the center of Madrid and online therapy, adapting to the needs of each couple. In both cases the therapeutic process is the same.
