Relationships are based on love, respect and trust. Although we have no control over the first of these ingredients, the other two do have a place in our decisions and in the choices we make on a daily basis.
However, when it comes to maintaining fidelity, it is very easy for a single mistake to ruin a courtship or marriage project that has been going on for months or years. Overnight, everything can change, and even if the infidelity is hidden, the feeling of guilt often ends the relationship.
But that doesn’t always happen. There are cases in which the couple is still together after infidelity Why is this happening? Let’s see the causes of this phenomenon.
Infidelity puts us in a position in which we must choose between two options that have important emotional repercussions. Breaking up with your partner implies leaving behind many of the elements of the life to which we had become accustomed, as well as the need to see the relationship we left from with different eyes, and spend some time alone. At the same time, not separating from your partner means continuing with a relationship that is very easy to doubt, and investing time and effort in something that could break definitively tomorrow.
Infidelity is, by its very definition, a betrayal. That means It does not consist of having sexual relations with someone with whom you do not have a relationship based on reciprocated love; After all, there are open couples and polyamory.
Being unfaithful is, basically, breaking one of the commitments that They are part of the pillars on which a courtship or marriage is sustained Normally absolute sexual exclusivity is one of those commitments, but this is not always the case. In any case, almost all relationships require a certain degree of exclusivity to work (even if it only consists of the privilege of devoting much more time and attention to the person you love).
But there are many philosophies of life with which to confront infidelity when it has been committed. Many of them lead to ending the relationship, understanding that it is hopeless or that it is based on a lie.
Relationships that are rebuilt after cheating on a partner
From what is currently known, the factors that explain why certain couples continue to exist after an infidelity known to both parties are the following.
1. Prefer happiness over justice
Happiness is something shared but fragile, while justice can be something unilateral, but it does not have to make us happy. The choice between justice and happiness governs many of the decisions that have to do with the question of whether to forgive infidelity or not.
Many couples who remain together after infidelity They bet on happiness through forgiveness It may seem like the easy way out of the conflict, but it is not. Forgiving someone genuinely is complicated in these cases, and the person who has cheated on their partner often sees in this something that allows them to better appreciate the value of their courtship and marriage.
Many times, infidelity occurs due to an absence of well-established rules that govern the relationship. For example, it is not uncommon for some people at the beginning of relationships to fear the possibility of overwhelming the other person so much that they try in every way to appear flexible and accommodating. This situation of ambiguity makes it possible commit infidelity because of a gray area of morality that exists between what is clearly acceptable and what is clearly unacceptable.
Thus, having to face infidelity draws attention to this lack of communication and allows the couple to have a framework in which to talk for the first time about what their commitment will consist of.
3. Couples therapy
Couples therapy is effective in intervening in many of the aspects that cause discomfort about infidelity: for example, to reduce the stress associated with conversations with the partner and to re-learn to dialogue constructively This, although it does not guarantee the total recovery of mutual trust, makes it easier to achieve it.
4. A philosophy of life against absolutes
People who live love through absolute ideas like “infidelity has to be accompanied by breakup in all cases” will probably not be able to detect those cases in which there is an opportunity to repair a relationship.
Therefore, it is often important to adopt the idea that every relationship is a world and that, although there are situations that are unsustainable in all cases (such as abuse), in certain cases infidelity is not the end of the world.
People tend to underestimate our ability to change when it comes to love, normally because we are not able to find a way to create the ideal situation in which we are allowed to evolve both in habits and in values ​​and beliefs.
