Why The Sandwich Technique Can Be The Least Assertive Way To Give Criticism
The sandwich technique is one of the most famous psychological tools and one of the most used.
You just have to put the name in any internet search engine, and you will get thousands and thousands of results on blogs about psychology, emotional intelligence, communication, sales, marketing, etc. Now… does it really work?
The famous sandwich technique It is used when we want to communicate criticism or ask someone to change their behavior Because we don’t want the other person to be offended or defensive, we “wrap” the original message in other good things about the person, before and after the main message.
For example:
It seems that you are a very committed person to your work, but I think that sometimes you can get a little too strict with your colleagues, and that makes us feel overwhelmed; I’m sure you’ll improve it right away, but you’re a genius, and we all really like you..
It is a technique that is easy to explain and simple to remember, and a very good way to be more assertive and improve our people skills.
Disadvantages when applying it to communication
In many therapy cases, it is a very good technique for people who have special difficulties saying “no” or set clear limits in the face of potential situations of abuse (in the family, at work, in the relationship, etc.).
Now, not everything is rosy with the famous sandwich technique. In this article I tell you how Sometimes the sandwich technique can be the worst way to be assertive
Promotes fear of criticism
Using the sandwich technique implies that one believes that your original message is bad. Are the reviews always negative? This is a basic assumption of the technique.
Since I believe that making a criticism or request for a change in behavior to another person is annoying or even aggressive in itself, I think that I “need” to camouflage my original message between a pile of bread. Is criticism without bread always destructive?
Divert attention from what we really want to say. Is that assertiveness?
I’ve met people who are really obsessed with the sandwich technique, and it can be very overwhelming to deal with.
They have to constantly turn over almost everything, always worried about the thousand ways in which the other person could take their messages the wrong way
You can end up overthinking, trying to divert attention from your original message, and wasting both people’s time.
Isn’t this another form of the passivity that the assertive communication style tries to avoid? We can show our latent social awkwardness if we abuse the sandwich.
Constant fear of rejection
Obsessing over always using the sandwich technique can also indicate that we have too much fear of possible rejection by the other person and also worry a lot about it.
How do I start? Do I tell her that the clothes she is wearing today look great on her? But what if I seem too superficial? I’d better start by congratulating him on the presentation he made last month, which we still remember, and then I’ll tell him about the dismissal, and I’ll end by saying that we loved working with him, but that…
The truth is that, by putting so much effort into the way we “dress” our message, we can equally be perceived as artificial, superficial, false It can also indicate the belief that if the other person is offended, it is the sender’s responsibility.
The truth is that, often, no matter how much sugar we put into something, it is the other person’s business to receive the message with maturity and a cool head. And No matter how many layers of bread and pillows we put on, the other person can be offended and angry just the same
It’s simply not up to us how the other person takes things. That is her own process.
People are not made of glass
Another basic assumption of the technique is that people always feel bad about suggestions for improvement and that to be a good communicator or a very assertive person, we have to sweeten everything.
The truth is that constructive criticism can be made with respect, from the beginning, without “so much bread”, and by saying things directly.
Of course, Depending on the context and the history we have with that person, it will be very useful to “soften” the ground and do our part so that the other person does not get defensive (if it is a particularly sensitive topic).
Now, it is not mandatory. What’s more, sometimes they will thank us very much for having “got to the point.” I insist, direct criticism can be made in a very respectful way, without needing to wrap everything in bubble wrap.
Sometimes the sandwich technique is simply not necessary to have a conversation between two adults who know that they do not have to take certain criticisms as personal attacks.
Psychotherapy online and in Valencia
If you think that your way of communicating is worsening your quality of life, the best thing you can do is stop reading articles and take action by going to therapy If you want to make an appointment with me, visit this page.
