This is one of the key themes in therapy and basically in all our human relationships. And numerous studies show that Our first human relationships, with whom we establish our first bond in childhood, mark our way of relating in the world.with our peers, with the world of work and with our partners.
Our first relationships will be a map of our way of relating to the world. The security with which we grow, the autonomy and ego strength that we have, in addition to the personal resources that we develop, will be marked by these first relationships with the two figures that determine our existence (to which we must add the personal characteristics of each individual ).
This is why on many occasions relationships with our parents are analyzed, since we tend to repeat a form of relationship according to what we experienced with them, to repeat life cycles and relationship patterns. Idealization, overprotection, attention, management of our emotional world and coping with problems, external events that appear… all of this will be essential in our identity and fundamental in our future relationships.
Understanding and understanding this is necessary to be able to make a change. If we do not realize and do not become aware of where we act from, it will be difficult for us to understand what is happening to us and take responsibility for ourselves.of our behavior, to be able to change it and evolve.
The importance of knowing how to manage relationships with parents
On many occasions, becoming aware of how our relationship with our parents could have affected us and the consequences of their actions. It can cause a lot of anger and pain..
Sometimes this anger can last for years and mark the relationship with them for a lifetime, but understanding their history, each person’s circumstances, and compassion is what can help forgive and heal the relationship with our parents and therefore with ourselves, only then is when we can fully develop and live in peace.
Other times, loyalty prevents us from clearly seeing past wounds.. And sometimes the wounds and pain are so deep from past events that they never heal.
To know ourselves, we must understand where we come from and accept our parents. Physically we are made up of 50% of each of them, and mentally and emotionally too. To be in continuous conflict with any of them is to be in conflict with ourselves.. Hence there is always an internal desire for reconciliation.
Building bridges
When we stop acting unconsciously and childishly, when we accept and understand the past and reconcile with it, when our wounded inner child stops screaming and demanding that others cover our shortcomings and needs… we can turn to our adult part , take responsibility for ours and realize that We ourselves can calm this internal part that needs to be calmed.
This is largely the accompaniment work that the psychological therapist does, helping the person to realize their wounds, to forgive and forgive themselves and to help them grow, taking responsibility for their actions and needs. To be at peace and in balance to be able to be in coherence between what we think, feel and do.
Reconciliation is with these parties internally. This does not mean meeting our parents’ expectations, or not setting limits, but rather becoming at peace, understanding where we act from and being grateful for the mere fact of giving us life.
Putting ourselves in their place
In general, most parents always act believing that what they do is the best for their children, even if sometimes they are completely wrong; Their intention is usually positive, seeking the good of their children.
Other times their own fears, their rigidity, their self-esteem and their own experiences have been able to affect the treatment they have given us; that is to say, Our parents are also the result of the experiences lived in their childhood and with their parents.. They were also children in their day and were determined by their experiences.
Ultimately, we are the result of our ancestors. So much so that on many occasions we are not aware of the introjects that we absorb from our family and that We consider that they are the usual in all other familiesor we don’t even question the origin of these beliefs.
For example, the fact that grandparents in many families fed so much and the obsession with food or always having a full pantry often comes from the hunger that our grandparents and great-grandparents went through in the war, marking future generations and being It was an act of love to give food, because it was giving what one did not have.
In some families it is very important to study and culture, and this is how it is transmitted to the following generations, normally it is because a member could not study, had to work from an early age and experienced it as a great frustration.
In other families, Its members are hardly affectionate and there are no expressions of love, often due to harsh childhood experiences of a parent, since it was common years ago to send them to boarding schools from a young age and they did not receive the necessary affection; Therefore, they subsequently did not know how to give this affection.
These are some examples of the beliefs and influences that we have in each family, due to the past experiences of our parents, grandparents, etc.
Conclusion
We are the result of the experiences of our ancestors, and knowing, understanding their experiences and experiences is knowing and accepting ourselves to a large extent.. It is the beginning to understand where we act from and take responsibility for our actions and the changes we can make, so as not to continue repeating patterns.
