Why You Can Feel Loneliness Even When Others Are With You
The human being is a social animal , made to live in the company of his peers. However, one thing is the dynamic of life for which we are prepared, and another is our way of subjectively living our social life.
Because yes, everyone has a social life to a greater or lesser extent; only hermits who completely isolate themselves from others are outside of it. But that doesn’t stop Millions of people around the world feel alone… even though they are not objectively.
What is the reason for this apparent inconsistency? Why can loneliness appear when surrounded by people who feel sympathy and affection for us?
Why does loneliness appear when you are accompanied?
Loneliness is a feeling that responds to needs for social contact and affection Both factors have to do with the possibility of obtaining the cooperation of others when achieving personal goals, but there is something more. Affection is a source of physical contact and intimacy, elements that have been proven to be essential from birth.
Babies who grow up with access to food, water, and an environment with adequate humidity and temperature, but remain isolated, develop abnormally and often develop serious mental disorders. Similarly, people who report a greater feeling of loneliness are more prone to depression and a relatively early death.
In a way, then, contact with others not only has material implications, but the psychological impact of loneliness also matters. Now, this subjective aspect also adds a certain degree of uncertainty when it comes to knowing which social situations produce loneliness and which do not. That’s why There are people who, despite interacting with many people, feel alone To explain this, several hypotheses are considered.
In some cases, people who, due to the demands of their daily lives, interact with several people day after day, including friendly people, may end up feeling alone due to a social skills problem. As much as a dialogue is apparently two people talking, for those who feel that their public image is being compromised by what they do or say it is something very different; specifically, a test, something like an intelligence test. Something that produces anxiety, in short
Since social interactions are seen as challenges, the person with low social skills ignores the possibility of connecting with someone and concentrates on not making a fool of yourself or simply going unnoticed This means that what is objectively a social context ceases to be so, and becomes an annoying and stressful situation through which one must suffer as little as possible.
Of course, understanding the company of others in this way makes the feeling of loneliness the only thing that remains. Sometimes you long to have an honest relationship with someone, but when the opportunity arises, you try to avoid that situation, make it short-lived, and compromise as little as possible.
Lack of time for an active social life
At the other extreme, it is also possible to find people who feel alone but, in this case, They do not owe their situation to a lack of social skills
There are people who are so extraverted that they live oriented towards others, making the network of social interactions that surround them flow day by day, keeping it alive. Parties are organized, friends who don’t know each other are contacted, trips to the mountains are proposed… anything goes to involve several people in stimulating situations.
Furthermore, normally extraverted people who comply with this pattern of social behavior not only do not live in isolation, but others turn to them with the slightest excuse. This is normal, since they act as dynamic nuclei for groups of friends and colleagues. They are popular individuals and highly appreciated by the people who know them
So where does loneliness come from? The answer is simpler than it seems: lack of time. These people’s free time is spent interacting with others, but not in any way: acting as the nucleus of a social network (beyond the loneliness of computers, yes).
There is not much room for deep, intimate relationships , since the task of energizing groups necessarily requires maintaining a behavioral profile oriented towards what is public, what is visible to everyone. Even if you try to break this dynamic, others will continue to act as before, so it is difficult to “start over” if you do not radically change your habits in many ways.
