“When we use words like bullets, feelings are seriously hurt” (Paz López, Ana).
“When we use words like bullets, feelings are seriously hurt” (Paz López, Ana)
Self-esteem is the affective assessment of self-concept (who we believe we are = self-concept Vs whether or not we like what we observe about ourselves = self-esteem). This is built based on two main factors: experiences accumulated over the years, and how the person experiences and interprets them.
The most critical periods in the formation of self-esteem are: childhood and adolescence. Hence, this article aims to reflect on the banality with which certain adults (in charge of minors) trivialize the power of words.
The years of therapeutic experience have taught me the importance of language; The common denominator of patients with low self-esteem is having been the object of: ridicule, rejection, lack of attention or parental neglect.
Teasing: all adults have received (or witnessed) criticism, and even some specific or generalized humiliation. This implies that some people downplay insults uttered by young children. In this sense, anyone responsible for a minor must be aware that their cognitive capacity to relativize ridicule is much lower, because the areas responsible for reasoning are still evolving. Furthermore, children begin to develop their self-esteem from the “outside in”, that is: the first references they have about how they are, they absorb from the information they receive from others; Therefore, if a child is called “stupid” every day (an insult that may seem mild at first glance), the germ of her self-esteem will be linked to believing herself inferior to others.
Rejection: when a child does not let another play (once the stage of natural and evolutionary selfishness has been overcome), he is pushing him away from his side, and sending him (indirectly) the following message: something is wrong with you. As adults, we have to try to promote integration, not only of our children, but also of the minors they surround themselves with; teaching him values such as acceptance and respect. A one-time rejection will not deteriorate a minor’s self-esteem, but if the situation is repeated, and the child is highly sensitive, it is likely that she will withdraw socially to escape the rejection.
Lack of attention: words that are not expressed can hurt as much as those that are uttered. Do not reinforce the child when he learns a new behavior; Ignoring him when he tries to show us a new development (adapting to the time and place) or continually disregarding his need to express himself and explore, will turn the infant into an adolescent with a high sense of inadequacy (insecure in his interaction with third parties, due to having grown up feeling which was a nuisance). On the other hand, the adult who ignores childhood insults not only legitimizes the behavior of the verbal attacker, but also generates emotions of helplessness in the victim, for not feeling protected by the person assigned the role of protector (adult).
Parental neglect: the personality structure of an adult depends largely on the stability they have experienced in the family home. An educational style that is too strict, with frequent and excessively intense criticism, will generate: either non-conformist adults prone to frustration; or rebellious people prone to maladjustment. At the opposite pole, there is a particularly permissive educational style, which without limits or adequate attention, turns minors into “mini-adults” who have to take care of themselves in aspects for which they are not mature enough. These infants do not usually feel loved, generating doubts about whether they are worthy of the affection and interest of others.
We all have insecurities, and we have had to face criticism that, at times, was destructive. That these have made us the people we are today, does not mean that, as adults responsible for minors, we should not intercede when we observe faults. of respect between infants. The child who insults may do so out of ignorance and immaturity, but the adult has no excuse…
We must be attentive… because each lack of respect is a learning opportunity, both for the one who issues it and for the one who receives it. And, above all, do not trivialize… because the “chubby” girl who is called “fat” may become a teenager with eating problems; The child who is called “stupid” may become unmotivated in his studies and fail at school; The girl who is called “ugly” may develop social skills problems, withdrawing from others to avoid being insulted…
