Zero Contact After A Breakup: Is It A Good Option?

When we break up a relationship, it is normal for at least one of those involved to wonder if it is possible to return, if they can continue being friends with that ex. Ultimately, she remains hopeful that this is not the end.

A breakup is not a comfortable thing, but not letting go of the other person can make it even worse. This is why on many occasions, and contrary to what one might wish, it is best to eliminate all forms of contact with our ex-partner.

This is called zero contact, basically avoiding seeing photos, sending messages or meeting the person with whom you have broken up Let’s take a closer look at the advantages of this strategy, as well as understand what it’s not good for.

Zero contact after the breakup: is it useful to protect our emotions?

Zero contact consists of spending a period of time in which you try to suppress any form of contact with your ex-partner. Although the expression zero contact is mostly used for breakups, the truth is that it is also applicable to all types of relationships, both personal and professional. You may decide to break any ties with a highly draining job, a toxic friendship, or a relative that doesn’t treat us the way we deserve.

A very important aspect when applying this strategy after breaking up with someone is stimulus control. This implies not only eliminating physical contact, that is, avoiding meeting him or her.

You should also avoid talking to him, whether by phone, instant messaging or social networks, and even avoid third parties, whether they are family members of our ex, mutual friends or people involved in some way in that relationship, in addition to memories, such as photos. or songs listened to together. That is, an effort must be made to remove any stimulus that reminds us of that person.

It’s hard to come to terms with the idea of ​​accepting a breakup. We always wonder if there will be a second part. But the best thing is to accept that the relationship has come to an end and that the best way to overcome it is to try to move forward, not anchor yourself to the past and prevent memories and temptations from further stretching the suffering.

Zero contact should not be confused with ghosting “Ghosting” consists of breaking all contact with your partner, without them realizing it. That is, it is abruptly breaking the relationship, without explaining to the other why she has decided to end the couple or giving him the opportunity to explain what he thinks about this.

“Ghosting” is an unethical way of ending a relationship, while the zero contact technique consists of, once the relationship has been broken by mutual agreement (more or less), it is decided to avoid any form of contact, to not to suffer and prolong the breakup process.

Times of difficult emotions

Breaking the relationship and avoiding any subsequent contact is not an easy task, but it is necessary in many cases. We must stop deceiving ourselves and accept that it is most likely that the relationship has ended permanently

“We can be friends” or “I don’t want to lose you as a friend” is a way of deceiving oneself, of believing that sooner or later the relationship will be reestablished, which is very unlikely. For all this, it is so necessary to apply the zero contact strategy, but first you must reflect a little, either to consider if it is the most appropriate or if you are prepared.

The first thing to do is think about the possible consequences of continuing the contact. Perhaps, if we continue thinking that we can see our ex on social networks, have contact with him on his cell phone or see him from time to time, this will generate emotional discomfort in the form of stress, anxiety and problems with our mental health.

Based on this, we must clarify what we want for ourselves, who, in essence, are the most important people in our own lives. No one wants to feel bad, a common feeling after a breakup, and we all want to regain control of our lives, something we didn’t have when we were dating someone in a relationship that was going nowhere. We must establish what is best for us

It’s normal that deciding to break all contact is scary. After all, accepting the idea that you are not going to get back with someone generates uncertainty, both in the fact that we do not know what our life will be like without him or her and in the question of whether we are going to meet someone. new. Whatever it is, you must be strong and establish a firm desire for change in the face of fear, focusing on the improvements that not prolonging the suffering brings us.

When is it advisable to apply this strategy?

Use the zero contact strategy It is especially useful when you have lived for a long time in a draining relationship

As we have already seen, although it is especially applicable to relationships, it is also useful in the work context, toxic friendships and family members that hurt us. If these people have not contributed anything to us and it does not seem that they are going to change, the best thing is to cut off any way they have to contact us and vice versa.

Zero contact controversy

The zero contact technique has been the subject of quite a bit of controversy, not because of the technique itself but because of the purpose with which many end up applying it: get the ex back Many love gurus say that the best way to get someone back after a breakup is to stop making any contact with them.

According to them, sooner or later the other party “will see that she cannot live without us” or “will understand how wrong she was to leave us, missing us so much while we have not contacted her.”

We must understand that the main reason why we should establish zero contact with our ex is get over the breakup in the healthiest and quickest way possible By stopping seeing her, talking to her and avoiding any stimulus related to her, we will avoid extending the psychological suffering associated with the breakup. It is not a matter of thinking that there will be a future together, but rather it is a matter of accepting that, most likely, the relationship has ended permanently. Resisting this is going to do us more harm than good.

Wanting to get your partner back is legitimate, but doing it this way is not. Using this technique with the intention of getting our partner back is a dysfunctional way of coping with the breakup. It is emotional masochism combined with being dishonest with our ex, since, at first, we imply that we have mutually accepted the breakup, but we are orchestrating a way to get back together with her.

Definitely, We are being manipulative if our intention is to pretend to break contact and accept the end of the relationship How do we intend to get back with our partner if our new relationship is going to be based on a lie and mistrust? It’s certainly not a healthy way to treat an ex or ourselves.