110 Sarcastic Phrases From The Best Thinkers, Comedians And Philosophers

Life is not always a bed of roses and things are not always going to turn out the way we want because sometimes we can come across someone who doesn’t like us, or someone can come across us, and for some reason, we don’t fit in.

Sometimes sarcastic phrases are a good way to say things that may hurt indirectly and in a more intelligent and fun way.

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    Great sarcastic phrases for life

    Sarcasm often uses clichés to make jokes, so no one should feel offended by some of these quotes. Humor is a form of communication in which transgression is possible

    In the following lines you can find a list of sarcastic and biting phrases that you may find funny.

    1. Some smoke, others get drunk, some take drugs, and others fall in love. The truth is that everyone destroys themselves in their own way.

    Love can sometimes end in heartbreak, which can cause health problems just like drugs.

    2. Sometimes I need what only you can give me: your absence (Ashleigh Brillian)

    If you tell someone, don’t expect an overly friendly reaction.

    3. I don’t hold grudges, but I have a good memory

    One can try not to hold a grudge, but memory is sometimes not controlled.

    4. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to get it without dying (Woody Allen)

    Poor Woody prefers to be able to participate in his successes.

    5. Your heart is as busy as your phone line

    In reference to someone who is in love with another person.

    6. Be careful! Happiness of two, envy of thousands

    When things are going well for you, there will always be those who will wish you bad things.

    7. Sometimes I think about who will fall into your arms and I don’t know whether to laugh or feel compassion

    When someone leaves you and blames you, but in reality the person to blame is the other person.

    8. I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go to another room to read a book (Groucho Marx)

    One of the most celebrated famous sarcastic quotes.

    9. Happy are those who expect nothing, because they will never be disappointed

    Those who live in the moment have greater opportunities to be happy.

    10. I wanted to ask you for your ex’s number to form a kind of support group.

    An ironic quote that may upset whoever it is said to.

    11. History has taught us that man and nations behave wisely when they have exhausted all alternatives. (Abba Eban)

    Irony in the face of the prevailing political warmongering.

    12. Create memories and they will bring tears to your eyes

    The past must be forgotten because it can hinder one’s happiness.

    13. I looked you up in the dictionary… and you don’t mean anything

    For those people who have hurt us.

    14. Why should we accept sexual advice from the Pope? If he knows anything about sex, he shouldn’t! (George Bernard Shaw)

    He would have violated the law of celibacy.

    15. I told him ‘bring me whatever you want’… and he only brought me lies (Ray Charles)

    In reference to a lying person.

    16. Love now, pay later

    Heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences that a human being can experience.

    17.You let me fall so many times that I learned to fly

    When your partner disappoints you many times, in the end you manage to accept it.

    18. There are three things that always come out: the Sun, the Moon and the truth

    The truth can be hidden for a time, but not infinitely.

    19. Women are like dolphins: it is scientifically proven that they are too intelligent, but few understand them

    A quote with irony about a sexist topic and the complex relationship that men and women can have,

    20. Can you help me look for something? -What thing? -All the time I wasted with you

    Ideal for those relationships that did not end badly.

    21. Love is the son of illusion and the father of disappointment (James Scott)

    Love is a feeling that floods us and makes us feel really good.

    22. You are a perfect artifact of defects

    A play on words that contains a touch of irony.

    23. The problem is that people know little, but talk too much (Kurt Smith)

    Ignorance often makes us believe that we know more than we do.

    24. I am an expert at pretending that other people’s opinions matter to me.

    There are individuals who know how to act very well when they are surrounded by other people.

    25. If this is love, I prefer to watch television, it is more educational and less possessive

    Love can sometimes be unrequited and cause great pain.

    26. Many people decide to spend fortunes on their weddings because, in some cases, it is the last day of happiness in their lives.

    An irony about life as a couple and marriage.

    27. If you believe the last Coca-Cola in the desert, I like beer

    Meaning that being the last person in the universe, you would have nothing with that person.

    28. No one has dominion over love, but it dominates things

    Love occupies our lives when it presents itself, because it is a very intense feeling.

    29. Sorry, I thought you were the love of my life… Next!

    When you run out of patience with someone you’ve been with.

    30. If someone is unfaithful to you you will want to jump off the balcony, but remember, you have horns, not wings (Woody Allen)

    An ironic quote that deals with infidelity.

    31. I am responsible for what I say, not for you understanding it (Bob Marley)

    We can send a clear message, but if the other person does not interpret it as we wish, then we cannot do anything.

    32. Love is like war: easy to start, difficult to end

    A comparison of couple relationships with war conflicts.33. She thinks she’s a princess and she doesn’t know which bed she left the crown on.

    In relation to a woman who thinks the world revolves around her.

    34. Sexual inactivity is dangerous… It produces horns! (Will Smith)

    Lack of sex in a couple can lead to infidelity.

    35. Saying goodbye was as difficult as writing this sentence

    Meaning that, in reality, it didn’t cost him anything to separate from that person.

    36. Your eternity only lasted a couple of months

    In relation to a relationship that didn’t work.

    37. Someday I will start what I finished

    A phrase that talks about procrastination and leaving things for tomorrow.

    38. Dear Cupid, better aim next time, let’s see if you find the right one

    An irony about an unrequited love or a love that didn’t work out.

    39. If love is blind… Why are underwear so popular? (John Goodman)

    A funny reflection on sexuality and intimate relationships.

    40. You can’t forget the Queen, playing Checkers

    For those men who can’t get a woman they have loved out of their minds.

    41. There are many ways to invoke the devil: using a Ouija board, a prayer, an exorcism, or asking “are you angry, my love?” (Andreu Buenafuente)

    When a couple ends badly, there is not exactly love left between the members.

    42. I hated you as much as I loved you

    It may happen that the more you want, the more rejection that person causes you.

    43. It is rude to say “I love you” with a mouth full of lies

    For those people who have serious difficulties not lying.

    44. Be careful, any day now you will call my heart and it will sound busy

    A warning that you will not be waiting for that person forever.

    45. If you are not going to fulfill, neither illusions nor promises

    It’s painful when a person tells you what you want to hear but then doesn’t follow through.

    46. ​​One day you will realize that your children turned out very ugly and you will wonder why you didn’t marry me (Jon Lajoie)

    An ironic message that you are in love with that person.

    47. A piece of advice: try to be less intelligent in the future… sorry: obvious

    When someone wants to hide something but can’t.

    48. Love is blind, let it pass

    A comparison of the saying “love is blind” with true blindness.

    49. If you don’t like who I am, change yourself.

    A way to tell the other person that you are comfortable with who you are.

    50. The woman who is lucky with men does not know how lucky she is.

    Some relationships are very complicated.

    51. I used to cross the ocean for you, today I don’t even cross my fingers (Dave Hughes)

    There are people who, over time, disappoint us.

    52. It’s amazing how many problems you could solve with a chainsaw.

    An irony that can appear in moments of interpersonal conflict.

    53. Tomorrow I will take your opinion into account, today I am not interested

    When you know you’re right but the other person doesn’t want to see it.

    54. I don’t understand people who are happy and don’t know me yet, really, I don’t understand them.

    An irony that is typical of a narcissistic person.

    55. There are people, from the first moment you see them, you know that you want to spend the rest of your life… without seeing them again.

    When you don’t like someone and you prefer to have that person away from your life.

    56. Tell me, does your pride kiss better than me?

    This phrase can be said when the person fully trusts the way they kiss.

    57. We are all idiots sometimes, but some people assume it as a lifestyle. You for example

    A polite way to tell someone that their attitude is not the most appropriate.

    58. You are living proof that a man can live without a brain

    As in the previous sentence, a very polite way to tell someone that they are not exactly intelligent.

    59. Expect from me what I receive from you

    It is not one of the most sarcastic phrases on this list, but used well it can be useful.

    60. It’s all laughter, sex and fun until he asks you… what are we?

    There are people who simply don’t want to have anything serious with anyone.

    61. I Googled: “Infidelity” and guess what… your name came up

    A fun way to tell someone that they are unfaithful to the core.

    62. The most effective laxative in the world is called “we have to talk” (Dave Chapelle)

    The phrase “we have to talk” can be a cause for concern for those who are hiding something.

    63. Criticizing my flaws is not going to diminish yours (Jack Black)

    There are individuals who prefer to project their failures on others.

    64. My tears are 1% water and 99% your imbecilities

    When the person who makes you cry is immature and it is their fault.

    65. Don’t worry about what I have, do it about what you lack

    Free interpretation.

    66. The problem with being sarcastic is that sometimes people reject me, and since I care a lot about their opinion, I get very sad.

    An irony to tell the world that you are not going to cry no matter what they say.

    67. No, seriously, keep telling me your story. In fact, yawning is my favorite way to show how interested I am in listening to you.

    For when someone bores you and you don’t want to hurt their feelings.

    68. You were the best part of my worst mistake

    We don’t always find the right person to love, but we learn from everything.

    69. It turns out that your opinions do not give good results, better use mine

    When the opinion of others is not good, this phrase can be used.

    70. What would life be without the opportunity to make stupid decisions (Doctor House)

    A good way to look at life with optimism and not feel like a failure in the face of mistakes.

    71. I never forget a face, but in your case, I will be happy to make an exception (Groucho Marx)

    One of the most humorous phrases by Groucho Marx, the most famous comedian of his time.

    72. I am impressed; I have never known such a small mind in such a big head.

    A phrase that can be truly offensive to some people.

    73. I drink to make other people interesting (Groucho Marx)

    The comedian Groucho Marx is one of the great geniuses of the 20th century.

    74. The brain? It’s my second favorite organ (Woody Allen)

    The New York filmmaker Woody Allen has great sarcastic phrases about sex in his films.

    75. Excuse me, gentlemen, for not getting up (Groucho Marx)

    The supposed epitaph that appears on the tomb of the American genius, Groucho Marx.

    76. Madam, I had a wonderful night, but this was not it (Groucho Marx)

    Some of Groucho Marx’s phrases remain truly hilarious even now.

    77. When I was a student, I was kicked out of school for cheating on the Metaphysics test. I looked into the soul of my deskmate (Woody Allen)

    Woody Allen is one of the most influential and humorous film directors of his generation.

    78. When you are as great as me, it is difficult to be humble (Muhammad Ali)

    One of the most important boxers of the 20th century, who also gave us unforgettable phrases.

    79. Always forgive your enemies: nothing will bother them more (Oscar Wilde)

    One of Oscar Wilde’s phrases that we can use in our daily lives.

    80. I am ugly enough and short enough to succeed on my own (Woody Allen)

    Woody Allen had a career full of triumphs from his earliest youth.

    81. When a man does something completely stupid it is always for the noblest motives (Oscar Wilde)

    Oscar Wilde, the genius of English letters, has left us a great variety of unforgettable phrases.

    82. I am a person with a healthy life and habits. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink and I would never force myself sexually on a blind woman (Woody Allen)

    Some of Woody Allen’s phrases can be truly provocative.

    83. Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? (Groucho Marx)

    Surrealism, sarcasm, irony and comedy are some of the constants in the work of Groucho Marx.

    84. Every time people agree with me I feel like I’m wrong (Oscar Wilde)

    This author was one of the most brilliant minds of his time and his writings provoked many people.

    85. I have never been insulted by hateful Satanists for not believing in their devil. Only for loving Christians for not believing in their God (Ricky Gervais)

    Ricky Gervais has had to deal with a wide variety of detractors throughout his career.

    86. –Sex without love is an empty experience. –But as an empty experience it is one of the best (Woody Allen)

    Sex, love and personal relationships are some of the themes this Brooklyn director addresses.

    87. I love him like a brother: like Cain loves Abel (Woody Allen)

    A really sarcastic phrase that could offend some believers.

    88. When I die I want to be cremated and ten percent of my ashes to be poured over my representative (Groucho Marx)

    Grouxo Marx lived his entire life leaving great phrases for posterity, even in his final years.

    89. When someone says “You’ve changed,” usually what they mean is “You’ve stopped living your life my way” (Ricky Gervais)

    A very profound phrase that tells us about human nature and some common attitudes.

    90. The two most beautiful words in our language are not “I love you!”, but “It is benign!” (Woody Allen)

    Woody Allen has truly humorous lines in most of his films.

    91. An optimist is someone who believes he can solve a traffic jam by honking the horn.

    A really sarcastic quote about the optimism that some people have.

    92. You will not burn in hell. But be nice anyway (Ricky Gervais)

    A phrase that we can use as a model of life throughout our existence.

    93. Quote me saying that I have been misquoted (Groucho Marx)

    No one like the great Groucho could come up with such a cool quote.

    94. Empty sex is better than no sex, right? (Woody Allen)

    Sex was another of the topics that this great director addresses in his work.

    95. Real friends stab you in the front (Oscar Wilde)

    Wilde theorized throughout his career about friendship.

    96. Someone asked me what three things I would save if my house burned down. I said my cat, my salamander and one of the twins (Ricky Gervais)

    A truly provocative phrase that some will find hilarious.

    97. If there is a God, why did he make me an atheist? (Ricky Gervais)

    One of Ricky Gervais’s most sarcastic phrases about religion.

    98. Behind a great man there is always a great woman, and behind this is his wife (Grucho Marx)

    One of the most humorous phrases from this genius of 20th century humor.

    99. Dear Religion, This week I launched a man safely from space while you shot a child in the head for wanting to go to school. Yours, the science (Ricky Gervais)

    Religion is one of the topics that this comedian has addressed most profusely.

    100. I oppose all superstition, whether Muslim, Christian, Jewish or Buddhist (Bertrand Russell)

    One of the most provocative phrases of this famous British philosopher.

    101. If human beings had two brains, we would surely do twice as much nonsense (Woody Allen)

    A very humorous phrase from the American comedy genius born in New York.

    102. Unlike religious people, I see all religions equally (Ricky Gervais)

    In their shows we can find a wide variety of jokes about religion.

    103. I keep wondering if there is life after death. And if there is, will they change you a twenty dollar bill? (Woody Allen)

    The brilliant director, comedian and screenwriter Woody Allen regularly addresses religious themes in his films.

    104. Excuse me if I call you gentlemen, but I don’t know you very well (Groucho Marx)

    An ironic phrase that is one of the best known of his career. Marx subtly questions the knighthood of the gentlemen in front of him.

    105. There must be something bad about work, or the rich would have already monopolized it (Cantinflas)

    One of Canfinflas’ many sarcastic phrases about work, who in his films portrayed a rogue who always got his way.

    106. The magnitude of amounts of money seems to vary significantly depending on whether they are to be paid or collected (Aldous Huxley)

    The famous science fiction author Aldous Huxley left us truly sarcastic phrases.

    107. Mondays are good. What sucks is your life (Ricky Gervais)

    Some of the phrases of this well-known British comedian are truly provocative.

    108. Singles should pay more taxes. It is not fair that some men are happier than others (Oscar Wilde)

    Oscar Wilde has left us a string of great, tremendously sarcastic quotes.

    109. Men cheat more than women; women, better (Joaquín Sabina)

    Joaquín Sabina has spent a life full of scandals and vices of all kinds.

    110. Death is so sure to catch you, that it leaves you a life advantage

    One of the most suggestive and sarcastic phrases about death.