We often forget that, if personal relationships are already complicated, sometimes what is truly difficult is relating to ourselves.
And feeling good about yourself is, for some people, a practically unattainable goal, something that seems even more unlikely than learning the most complex skills. In the end, while the steps to follow are quite clear to learn to play chess or complete a university degree, the same is not true for the arduous task of repair our self-esteem.
In this article we will see a proposal of several steps to follow to feel better about yourself with examples and indications.
In the world of the human mind, few things are immutable, and the most seemingly persistent feelings of self-loathing can disappear if we learn to see ourselves through different eyes.
To do this, you must change both your thinking patterns and your way of relating to your environment and others. This double path of action, focused on beliefs and actions is the basis of cognitive-behavioral therapies, and although not going through a psychologist’s consultation reduces the chances of success, it is still worth implementing these strategies on a daily basis.
1. Review your attribution style
People with self-esteem problems They tend to attribute their achievements to luck or others ; In short, to elements that are not part of one’s own merit. At the same time, they believe that most of the bad things that happen to them are their fault, even if the cause-and-effect relationship is unclear.
So, when asked the question of “how to feel better about myself?” You should start by reflecting deeply on your attribution style in cases where significantly good or significantly bad things happen to you. The ideal would be to do it as regularly as possible, but since you will surely lack the time and energy to be applying it all the time, It is better to go practical and do it in the most special cases. Over time, you will automatically lose the need to do it.
For example, if you are congratulated on a university project, it is much more reasonable for this to be thanks to your merits than because the person evaluating you likes you (simply because most evaluators do their job). Likewise, it is very common for abused people to believe that these attacks are their fault, although this is clearly not the case.
2. Practice compassion
If you have trouble accepting yourself, you may be applying very rigid expectations to yourself. those beliefs about what you should be and are not. For example, there are millions of women who blame themselves for not looking like women who literally do not exist, since they are models unrecognizable after going through a layer of computer image editing programs.
So, in the same way you empathize with other people, practice compassion with yourself, and accept that you do not have to be subject to tyrannical conditions of behavior. It is not mandatory to adapt perfectly to those ideals that we have, simply tend to them, if that is what we want. For it, Spend 5 minutes a day reflecting on whether your “Ideal Self” is reasonable or not and if you try to be too much like that person who only exists in your imagination.
Reality is too complex to be divided into “good” and “bad.” Of course, there are situations in which it is clear that something is right and its opposite is not, but this does not always happen, because the world is not made to fit into such hermetic and delimited categories of thought.
One of the consequences of this is that What we believe to be our own imperfections do not have to be.
In fact, there are those who love those personal characteristics that others would be ashamed of. For example, the uninhibited character of those who do not have complexes but live in strongly conservative societies, or even wrinkles, which in a context in which discrimination against mature people is widespread, can be seen as a positive aesthetic value, as they are a sign of experience.
In the same way, there are quirks and “very own” traits that can be adorable or charismatic if we stop seeing them as flaws in oneself: obviously, If we are ashamed of them, it shows and the rest of the people will act as if those characteristics were indeed something bad.
4. Dedicate yourself to what you like
One of the most common reasons why people have difficulty accepting themselves is that they believe they are wasting their time. To avoid this, the solution is to reinvent yourself. Work to get to a situation where we can dedicate ourselves to what we love. If we do this, we can even be proud of the path we took to reach that point in life, even if we haven’t reached it yet.
Focus on action. Avoid attacking yourself through negative thoughts, which in practice are nothing more than an excuse not to improve, and focus on directing your action to do things that you really feel make you grow. Create reasons to feel proud to be who you are, in your situation and with the means you have available.
