4 Ways Of Emotional Manipulation That You May Not Have Known About Before

The topic of toxic relationships and narcissistic couples is doing the rounds all over social media. It is a very broad and important topic, since finding yourself in a toxic or abusive relationship generates significant psychological discomfort.

At the same time I see how the abundant information we find on the networks also generates confusion. There are more and more people who report having been with a narcissist or in a toxic relationship and this is not always the case. Labels create barriers and prevent us from seeing beyond. For example: The narcissist himself is sometimes the most likely to label his partner as narcissistic or toxic.

In this sense, the information I share with this article focuses more on indicators that can guide you. If in communication with your partner you often feel confused or overwhelmed and frustrated, perhaps some of the examples I share here resonate with you.

Emotional manipulation is not easily recognized

As the name says, it is “manipulation”, so it is meant to confuse. The same person who manipulates often does not do so intentionally, but rather, it has been his or her way of “saving” himself. He perceives himself in a vulnerable place from which he wants to get out and does everything possible to achieve it. Which It often involves twisting the story at your convenience and you do it not only to convince the other person but also yourself.

If you are in a dynamic like this, what you may notice is that after discussions with this person you feel confused or even guilty, although at first the issue did not seem so serious to you. Maybe you start to constantly justify yourself, anticipate or stop talking about some topics to avoid your partner’s reaction. But it can also be that they are constantly in communication and reach agreements, but then everything stays the same.

Emotional manipulation is applied in everyday life in many ways that are very normal to us. That is also why it is difficult for us to identify it. For example, punishments in childhood: “If you don’t do that, I won’t give you the other.” Or: “Because you yelled at me now I feel sad.” where you want to change the child’s behavior through fear and guilt. Did you know that this is manipulation? What does this type of communication do with us?

So what is manipulation about?

You could say that manipulative is any behavior or communication that is carried out with the purpose of getting another to be cooperative with us. That is, when we have a goal or objective and instead of communicating this transparently with the other person, we convince them to do what we need to achieve this goal. Examples:

I have already given some examples. Here, now four common forms of manipulation. Maybe you recognize some of them in a relationship of yours.

Four common ways to manipulate

They stand out above all:

1. Punishing the other

This is the most obvious way of manipulation, however, sometimes we do not notice it because almost all of us grew up with punishments in childhood. Additionally, it can be punished in different ways. For example, with silence or when they take out their anger on you. Someone is upset about other things, but yells at you and then excuses their behavior by having a bad day.

2. Punishing yourself

When the person threatens to harm themselves because of you. This would be the most extreme form of self-punishment. But insulting or belittling yourself in front of others, in order to get them to care and do something, is also manipulative. People who use self-punishment in a second moment often blame you for their feelings: “Since you didn’t recognize my work today, I feel useless again.” And since you don’t want the person to go against himself, you will try to prevent it.

3. Victimize yourself

Those who victimize themselves do not recognize their responsibility and their possibility of resolving a situation on their own. He laments his helplessness and seeks to be rescued. Since many times he truly feels helpless, he does not recognize the manipulative side of this position. But it is obvious, if I regret, that I ask another person or moment to act for me.

Most people want to help and even more so if it is a couple. But it often happens that the person who at first complains, then complains to you for not having given them what they need. Ex.: “You know I’m bad at that, you should have fixed it for me, that’s how we helped each other. “You only see you, you don’t see what I need.”

4. The tranquilizer

There are words or responses that work as tranquilizers. That is, in the moment you feel calmer but in the end nothing changes. The effect of the word passes and you return to reality. People who “reassure” promise you that everything will be better in the future. They cannot change the circumstance yet, for different reasons, but they have every good intention of doing so and as soon as they resolve what is now, they will do so. Then they never do anything and when you ask them they find new or the same explanations.

What can be done?

The first step is to discover the manipulation and name it. As I mentioned before, it may be that the other person does not realize and recognize how their position affects the relationship. It could also be that he denies it and continues to manipulate you. Regardless of the outcome, it is important that you set a clear limit and a consequence (not punishment), which is not easy.

Getting out of manipulation circles is complex and requires a whole separate article that I hope to share here soon. There are immediate strategies that help you, but it is also about assuming responsibility and recognizing on your part what factors led you to fall into this circle.