5 Beliefs That Prevent Us From Facing Changes In Difficult Times
For some time now, I have made it my goal to be more aware of the impermanence present in everyday life. I have observed that, Although intellectually we know that things change, we do not really perceive that this is the case in daily life, unless they are very obvious changes or we decide to pay conscious attention.
We have this idea of continuity, solidity and permanence of the things, situations and people in our lives.
If we recognize that at some point they will change or leave, we do so thinking about the future, not the now. If things are going well for us right now, that future vision of change may scare us, because we don’t want to lose what we have. If they are not pleasant moments, there may be a mixture of longing for transformation and fear that they will remain the same.
In fact, in difficult times, we often think that our painful emotions and thoughts will never end. But, however, are the moments of greatest transformation.
However, the resistance and the ideas we have about change contribute to our feeling of experiencing a crisis when difficulties arise, to prolong and intensify the pain and cause us unnecessary suffering. Many times fear can paralyze us despite knowing what life requires of us at a given moment.
We postpone again and again the actions necessary to flow with the change , because we do not tolerate the uncertainty of not knowing exactly where we are going. Or we rush into action without measuring the consequences. It requires trust in inner wisdom and life itself.
Recognizing the impermanence of things transforms how we live
We begin to live every day as if it were our last because we understand the finitude of life. We value the people we have by our side, we share that skill or talent that we have today, we stop putting off greeting someone who has interested us.
We take the time to watch a sunset, because it is never the same. We stop identifying so much with the mental stories and emotions of the moment, even with our roles and identities since they are not fixed and unalterable either. We begin to love each other unconditionally, not according to how things are going for you. We began to love each other in good and bad times and to love others too, in their impermanence.
Beliefs that keep us from adapting to changes
Living with true well-being involves knowing how to embrace the change and uncertainty inherent in being alive. The beliefs we have about how life should be and how things should go greatly influence coping with change, but we are not usually very aware of them, until the moment comes that tests us. Here are some beliefs.
1. Believe that our expectations and desires must always be met.
It implies believing that life should always be pleasant and that things should always go well for us, according to the life plan we have. It is seeking constant security and forgetting the suffering and uncertainty that comes with life. When we think like this, we feel angry at people, life, the universe, and even a higher power. for not meeting our expectations. We believe it is unfair and that if others love us, including God, they must please our desires. We try to cope with the situation by blaming that higher power, life or someone else.
This belief also affects impatience. It is expecting immediate gratification for your efforts, wanting to see the expected changes already made and not tolerating frustration. It is not wanting to go through the transformation process or do it quickly, but obtaining its results. As Maya Angelou said, “We marvel at the beauty of the butterfly, but we rarely admit the changes it went through to be what it is.”
2. Tendency to think that change is negative and painful
It is the frequency with which we anticipate the worst. Believing that change or what is to come is negative especially if we like the way things are at the moment, makes uncertainty painful.
Although certainly not all changes are pleasant, the resistance we exert and the meaning we give to the experience makes it harder to deal with and hurts more. For example, thinking that aging is negative hinders coping with age with dignity and may lead people to want to avoid it by damaging their health and appearance through excessive use of aesthetic procedures.
Likewise, this belief forgets that life is a friend of the human being and that, although we often do not understand the meaning of certain events at the moment, life experiences are like treasures that contain the opportunity for inner growth and transformation. No matter how adverse the experience may be, if we are willing, we can extract valuable lessons to continue our life path with greater openness.
3. Deceive yourself and pretend that changes are not happening.
It is refusing to see reality. Sometimes there are things that have already completed a cycle in our lives. It could be a relationship, an outdated way of doing things, a business, or an unhealthy lifestyle.
However, we can resist and carry the pain, maintaining the illusion that what has already been overcome will improve, expecting different results from the same actions or avoiding confronting the truth by succumbing to the constant distractions of modern life. It is important to recognize when it is time to let go of something that no longer works in our lives and take different actions.
It is also unrealistic to wish or believe that the people, situations and things around us do not change, that they will always be there or will be the same over time. Thinking about the people we love and who are part of our lives, resisting change can undermine our ability to be with them through the difficult changes they experience.
Accidents and illnesses They can change appearance and affect mental and physical abilities in our loved ones. Can we continue to love and support them in the impermanence of these things? Can we still love ourselves if we are the ones experiencing these changes?
Finally, another way to deceive ourselves is to believe that the change is in the future and not now. We tend to think that we are going to die one day, and not that this can happen at any time. This prevents us from enjoying each day as if it were our last, appreciating the present moment whether pleasant or unpleasant and being grateful for absolutely everything we have today without taking anything for granted.
4. Believing that you always have to know where you are going to be able to take action.
While there are changes that we make by choice, having a direction and reason in mind as to why we do it, there are others, which slowly unfold in our lives without even asking for them. For example, finding one day that the profession you chose is not what you thought or it no longer makes you happy as before. Surely you would have liked not to reach that turning point in which circumstances and your feelings ask you to take a new direction, even more so, when you have no idea what else to do… or if you do, you don’t know what will happen. around the corner or what the result will be.
Sometimes you have to live a period of discovery of what’s next in which you take steps from intuition, but you don’t know where they take you exactly.
When we don’t know how to deal with uncertainty, life transitions become more difficult. How do you speed up the process? How do you force yourself to know what it is not yet within your power to know? We climb the mountain perhaps having an idea of what we may find, but we can never be completely sure.
We would love to know how our life will develop step by step, we want to be prepared. But it is a relief that this is not the case, since we would miss out on much of the magic that life has and that is found in the unknown territories. Surprises are found in not knowing, and many of them can open doors to destinations you never imagined possible.
5. Believing that worth is dependent on what we do and have
It is the idea that the presence of certain things in our life define or determine personal worth. These things are usually external, such as the presence of a socially appreciated physical appearance, good income, a good job, prestige, power, etc. It is not surprising that when these things change, whether for a short or indefinite period of time, a person feels that they are no longer valuable and has a hard time handling the change.
This belief then forgets to recognize the unconditional and inherent value of human beings. Worth is not comparable nor is it competed for. Courage does not have to be earned or proven because it already exists in us and does not depend on external factors. To continue feeding this belief is to live with a feeling of unstable worth that varies according to the presence or absence of these things and that decreases the ability to flow with change.
