5 Consequences For Absent Fathers: How To Deal With It?

Emotional unavailability is often characterized by callousness and disinterest. But, when this happens in the case of parents, the children who suffer from it end up suffering consequences on an emotional level. In fact, the first interactions with parents will greatly determine how relationships will be built with others and with ourselves. So how can we know if we are suffering from the effects of a mother or absent father?

What is an absent father?

They are parents who are there, but who really are not there. That is, those who remain emotionally inaccessible, or so busy with their chores (work, television, social networks, sleeping all day, not participating in household chores, connected to their cell phone,…) and disconnected from the present moment, that they do not They come to truly connect with their children (with what happens to them, with their processes, with their fears, with their worries, with their need to look at them, to listen, to express love, affection,…).

Then, when at some point during the day they connect, they usually either scold them or demand that they do what they want them to do (because it’s time to use the bathroom, or have dinner, or go to bed, etc.) and many times the children show their anger. , entering into conflict.

“You haven’t attended to me all day, and when you attend to me it is to scold me or demand of me” – This is what the child feels!

Signs of absent parents

Although there is no clear pattern of how the emotionally unavailable parents there are attitudes that are usually quite common:

1. Indifference or impatience: Absent parents often respond to their children’s emotions with a certain impatience or indifference. That is, they do not try to understand the reason for an emotion or how to better deal with it.
2. They do not pay attention to their emotional needs: These parents are usually not available for the emotional problems that the children may be experiencing.
3. Does not show interest in the lives of their children: One of the traits that could indicate that your parents were absent is that they did not usually show an interest in your life, that is, who your friends were or what you did in class, etc.
4. They neglect the child’s basic needs: That is, they can provide food and support for their children, but they do not offer all the necessary emotional needs.
5. They express their frustrations: In addition to being emotionally unavailable, immature or absent parents may freely express emotions such as frustration, annoyance, or boredom when they are with their children.

These are some signs that could indicate that your parents were absent during your upbringing. Given these signs, it is important to keep in mind that sometimes parents may adopt these attitudes due to economic difficulties or problems in their adulthood.

How can an absent father affect a child’s development?

This dynamic, day after day, leads to creating a relationship that increasingly separates them. Therefore, when the moment of real emotional separation occurs (on reaching adolescence), major communication and relationship problems arise.

Have a absent father even if he lives with the child, generates practically the same consequences as when he is completely absent, the most immediate effect being the continuous rejection that the child experiences.

This emotional wound of rejection will last forever in the child, adolescent and adult, becoming emotionally hungry throughout their life. In fact, let’s not forget that drug abuse, to name a few, is always a way to fill an unconscious emotional void. In addition, it may adopt one or another operating mechanism that is of concern, such as:

1. Low self-esteem: Automatic negative thoughts towards yourself. You won’t feel good enough. Devitalization. Fears. Tireless search for love, affection and recognition in others. Where any feeling of appreciation or belonging is better than nothing.
2. Lack of personal confidence: His insecurity masks it, appearing too confident, arrogant or aggressive, rebelling against everything, as a way of covering up his painful feelings.
3. Anxiety: Growing up with an emotionally absent father may have created the idea that ‘I’m not good enough’, this can end up creating constant worries around the other relationships that are established throughout life.
4. Sadness or depression: Over time, feelings associated with a lack of personal worth or the anxiety that can arise from not being enough for others can lead to a depressive disorder.
5. Lack of limits in relationships: People with absent parents may feel that they must be available to others all the time so that they do not suffer what they suffered as children. This can cause the misconception that to please others you cannot say ‘no’ to certain requests.

That is why many teenagers today may end up joining gangs or problem groups, or developing antisocial, substance or gambling behavior, or even an unhealthy sex life.

Nor is it that we feel guilty all the time, thinking that we never do enough. We are simply talking about having balance in the interaction with your children.

What to do when faced with an absent father?

As we see, growing up with an emotionally unavailable parent can have lasting effects on our lives. In fact, studies have shown that both paternal and maternal emotional availability was closely linked to greater mental well-being. Therefore, if you have grown up with absent parents we recommend that you try to address the following aspects:

• Heal your inner child: Growing up with absent parents we can feel that we have not been validated for being ourselves. Faced with these feelings, we must try to change the way we perceive ourselves and give ourselves permission to express how we really feel.
• Learn to calm down: An emotionally unavailable parent may mean that you haven’t learned to deal with the difficult emotions that can arise at certain times. Therefore, it is important to learn to identify how we feel and manage these feelings.
• Start setting limits: One of the keys to healing our inner child is to begin to express our limits to others. Not doing so ends up worsening our self-esteem and generating a feeling of anxiety.
• Go to therapy: Learning to manage emotions or improve your self-esteem can be difficult if you have been raised by absent parents. In these cases, it is advisable to go to a professional psychologist.

having grown up with absent parents It may have created the perception in you that you cannot be enough towards others. In addition, this can also lead to other problems in self-esteem, personal confidence, as well as in relationships. But, with enough inner work, you can learn to love yourself just the way you are.