Falling in love is a whirlwind of emotions so intense that, sometimes, people experience a feeling that they are not in control of anything they do or say and that they are helpless. This sense of chaos usually also extends to your ability to analyze your own feelings for that person.
And although love is something important, that does not mean that we are well prepared to identify it where it occurs. That is why it is very useful know the main differences between love and infatuation
If we have to create a theoretical distinction between infatuation and falling in love, it can be the following: in infatuation we do not feel attracted to the person, but to the idea that we have formed of that person, based largely on inventions and self-deception
So, while in love, although the emotional bond is also basically irrational, it is based on the experiences lived together and not on fictions, in infatuation there is a kind of falling in love with a person who really only exists in our head and who superficially resembles someone real. That means that the only thing that the person who really exists gives us It’s his appearance and his superficial attractiveness
However… How to distinguish between infatuation and infatuation in everyday life? For this, theoretical definitions are not of much use, taking into account that knowing how to recognize these phenomena in our daily lives is complicated, and even more so when a part of our rationality has been hijacked by emotions.
Fortunately, there are some discoveries that allow us to find specific differences between falling in love and infatuation. Let’s see what they are.
1. Eye contact
Something as simple as looking into each other’s eyes in a sustained manner is capable of reinforcing lasting emotional bonds, such as those inherent to love. That’s why the time that passes spontaneously establishing mutual eye contact It is an indicator of the strength of loving bonds. In fact, in types of attraction based simply on the physical, the gaze is rather directed to other areas of the body, especially those that have an erotic charge.
By the way, the reinforcement of loving bonds through the action of looking into each other’s eyes occurs even between humans and some of the domestic animals they care for, as you can see in this article: “Can love exist between species “Research supports ‘yes.'”
2. You use “we” almost as much as “I”
Love is not only reflected in what we do, but also has an effect on what we say; both in the content of our speech, and in the ways in which we express it. That is why it makes sense to look at if the first person plural is used more than normal when talking about how you feel about the relationship.
This indicates that there has been a shift from a totally personal perspective to another in which what is shared has gained importance. Something more is said from the point of view of the couple, an entity that is more than the sum of two people independent of each other.
3. Your personalities are similar
Contrary to popular culture, opposite poles do not attract, or at least statistically they don’t tend to do so during long-term relationships. The difficulties involved in interacting closely with someone whose habits, customs, and behavioral patterns are very different from your own wear out relationships a lot.
However, it is not unusual to become infatuated with people very different from oneself, since they present an exotic component that, at first glance, generates interest and curiosity, or even a touch of exclusivity due to the “rarity” of the other person.
4. You have interacted very little and you already fantasize about the relationship
The defining element of infatuation is idealization Since we know little about the other person, we fill in the gaps in our knowledge about them with completely optimistic fantasies about them. And, although we do not realize it, these fantasies begin to mark the way in which we perceive that person’s actions; That’s why something that we would find ridiculous if our cousin did seems adorable to us if that special someone did it.
Furthermore, there is evidence that part of the special attractiveness attributed to other people comes simply from the fact that “they are new”, we did not know them before and They arrive at a time when we are predisposed to find a partner This is closely related to a psychological phenomenon observed in mammals in general: the Coolidge effect, by which people seek to have relationships with new individuals.
5. You are okay with sacrificing yourself for the relationship.
In infatuation it is less common to show a predisposition to make sacrifices for the relationship, while in love it is relatively normal in statistical terms. However, it is important to note that It is not about sacrifices for the other person, but for the relationship, the unit that forms the emotional bond that unites those people. If not, it would always be the same person who would commit their time, resources and efforts to doing favors for the other, so we would be talking about an asymmetrical toxic relationship.
