What is Infatuation and How is it Expressed in Emotional Relationships?

In the field of love and romantic relationships we can find various ways of loving, and these can be understood in isolation or even several of them could occur in the same couple throughout the different stages they go through throughout. of their relationship. Among them it is worth highlighting infatuation, a rather controversial way of establishing emotional ties

Loving infatuation could be said to be what normally arises at first sight when you do not yet really know the other person, being a way of loving with a lot of passion; However, there is no commitment nor intimacy, so we would be talking about a somewhat superficial type of relationship.

In this article we will see what this phenomenon of love relationships consists of, such as infatuation, also exposing its differences with falling in love, but first we will talk in an introductory way about the triangular theory of love.

What is Sternberg’s triangular theory of love?

In the year 1986 American psychologist Robert J. Sternberg developed a theory about the complex phenomenon of love and love relationships based on 3 components: passion, intimacy and commitment. This theory is known worldwide as “Sternberg’s triangular theory of love” or “triarchic theory of love” and has served experts in the field over the last few decades to try to better understand such a complex feeling. equally important in the field of interpersonal and sentimental relationships.

According to Sternberg’s theory, love can be different within each relationship, either due to the stage in which the couple is or due to the individual characteristics of each of the members that make it up. For this reason, this psychologist devised a theory that would allow analyze love relationships and establish what type of love or what stage each couple could be in To make the classification, you must first understand the 3 main elements of the triangular theory of love.

1. Passion

Within a relationship, passion would be that desire or need for union with the other person; being the component that marks the attraction and/or sexual desire that the members of a relationship feel for each other When there is only passion in a love relationship, we would be talking about a somewhat superficial relationship where the members have not shown approaches or interest on a personal level, from the search for a deeper knowledge of the other person.

2. Privacy

Intimacy, in a loving relationship, would be the component that is closely related to the behaviors and feelings that lead both members to get closer to each other.

In this case we would not be talking only about the sexual field but other factors would also be at play here such as understanding, trust, acceptance and support from both Therefore, when there is intimacy in a couple, we would find a type of relationship that is closer and deeper than in the case of those relationships in which there is only passion.

3. Commitment

The commitment would be associated with the interest on the part of both members to maintain the relationship longer term and thus stay together in both good times and bad. Therefore, here we would be talking about a couple in which both members already have future expectations regarding their relationship.

It is important to highlight that to ensure that a relationship works and can be maintained in a healthy way in the long term, it would be ideal for minimum criteria to be met in the three components that we have just mentioned; That is to say, the passion should be maintained, although it may decline a little over the years, and it is important that intimacy and, above all, commitment be consolidated.

What is infatuation?

According to the Dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy (RAE), the word infatuation means the following: it is the action and effect of becoming infatuated. Likewise, in this dictionary the following definitions are proposed for the word infatuation:

According to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, infatuation or crush would occur when the central component, and also the only one, would be passion, since in this type of case there would be no commitment nor privacy. We could say in this type of cases that they are the typical “crushes or love at first sight.” Therefore, infatuation would be quite characteristic of relationships that are short-term and superficial but tend to be of great intensity while they last.

However, infatuation or crush, in addition to being characteristic of short and intense relationships It is also one of those moments that develop at the beginning of other longer-lasting relationships or with a romance when both members of the relationship usually really want to have intimate relationships but sufficient trust has not yet been developed and there is no commitment either. nor is there enough privacy.

How is infatuation different from real love?

On several occasions, real love tends to be confused with infatuation, and it is common that in this type of case the person who, being infatuated, has idealized the other person and in reality does not feel attracted except by the idea that has been formed. about his person. And the fact is that whim is usually an immediate emotion, of short duration, that can motivate a person to act in an unrational way

On the contrary, real falling in love would be a feeling that is generated over the long term and normally arises when a person feels their love for the other person based on a more realistic idea of ​​the other person based on various experiences lived together and not due to unrealistic ideas about the other formed in their mind, as usually happens in infatuation. Besides, infatuation usually generates a rather superficial love since in this type of case there is only passion and physical attraction as neither intimacy nor commitment has been generated.

Some components that can promote the development of falling in love in a couple are those that we are going to present below; Its absence could be an indication that what is happening in the relationship between two people is actually an infatuation.

When falling in love is developing, eye contact is established between both spontaneously and sustainably quite frequently, both have quite similar tastes and personalities, there is no idealization about the other person that could fill the lack of further knowledge. deep and they usually show their vulnerable side in front of the other person.

Furthermore, when there is a crush, the real virtues and defects of the other person are accepted, there are certain long-term plans, there is a desire to spend time with the other person without having to think only about having sexual relations, both members They feel comfortable when they are together and they have the feeling of losing being themselves, there is no jealousy in these relationships and both people respect the privacy of the other.

Besides, When you fall in love, you show real interest in the other person and they do not focus solely on physical appearance or attractiveness, they feel pride in the other person, they appreciate what is truly important to the other person and they do not have a superficial relationship and a bond begins to be established between them.

On the contrary, in infatuation these things that we have just seen do not usually occur or at least occur to a lesser extent, being a more superficial relationship where no real interest is shown in the other person, there is a tendency to give more importance to the physical appearance. that to deeper things about the other person, there are usually no long-term plans and the personalities of both members do not have to get along in this type of case, since the relationship is usually based mainly on physical and sexual attraction.