6 Keys to Avoid Absurd Arguments as a Couple

Relationships are usually contexts in which all emotions are magnified. It is common that in them the emotional impact of a seemingly banal event is much more powerful than in any other situation and type of interaction. Love simply makes our emotional side take control of much of our behavior, for better or worse.

That is why It is very important to learn to solve those absurd discussions that occur within the relationship so that they do not leave a mark on our way of thinking about (and interacting with) the other person.

Distinguishing absurd disputes from those that are not

Now, the first thing we have to do to prevent these problems is to analyze to what extent the history of arguments with our partner is full of disputes that, in fact, are absurd if you analyze them with a certain coldness once they have passed

How do you know how to distinguish meaningless discussions from meaningless ones? To do this, we must ask ourselves to what extent the discussions and moments of discomfort are or are not due to communication. If a reasonable explanation for a large part of these discussions can be based on a problem of communication and expectations, there are many numbers that a good part of them are “silly” discussions, in the sense that what produces them is a communication deficit. and a wrong perception of things.

It may be difficult to reach this conclusion, but we have a powerful tool to do this: the opinions of others Other people, whose interests are not compromised by the existence of our relationship and who have seen first-hand a large part of the discussions we have had and the reasons that produced them, will help us have the most objective view possible. about the topic.

We must combine this resource with a sincere and honest effort on our part when it comes to coldly analyzing what has been happening to us, and the situations that have given rise to disputes.

Avoiding toxic relationships

What if after this stage of reviewing past discussions we come to the conclusion that the fundamental problem is not communication? Several things can happen: either we make a mistake, which is always possible, or the communication problems are the consequence of other types of more serious problems related or not to our relationship, or we are living one of the so-called toxic relationships

Toxic relationships are those in which there are serious structural problems in the functioning of the relationship: problems that are very difficult to correct and that seriously damage the well-being of one or both people. This generic category also includes those relationships in which there is clear abuse and an unequal power relationship in which one person dominates the other. To know more about toxic relationships you can read this article.

Preventing meaningless arguments

At this point, we already know that Silly arguments have too much impact on our relationship, which is why we are interested in preventing them from happening again

We also know that this is a problem that can be solved, even if it is in the medium and long term, since unlike what happens in toxic relationships, what produces it is not something structural, but rather superficial and that It can be corrected by learning and unlearning certain behaviors. For this, the keys to avoiding silly couple arguments presented below are precisely the ones below.

Keys to avoid discussions of this type

These are some principles to follow in the mission of making the couple’s life enter another relationship dynamic, another phase.

Although what you want to correct is not part of the core of the relationship nor can it be associated with a toxic relationship, that does not mean that managing it is an easy task, because this is a mission in which both members of the couple have to be involved.. Thus, The optimal thing would be to reinforce the application of these keys with couples therapy sessions

1. The first contact

We start from a situation in which there is an asymmetry: we want to start preventing and managing absurd couple arguments in a more or less systematic way, but the other person still doesn’t know it. The first step of a project based on improving communication between two people is, obviously, to communicate it to them. And to do this you have to take advantage of a moment of calm, in which the mood of both is good and reciprocated displays of affection are possible. You also need to make sure you have enough time to talk

In this way, the two components of the relationship will associate the beginning of this plan with that pleasant context in which it began to take its first steps, and they will interpret this initiative as what it is.: a mission based on good will and the re-establishment of strong and solid emotional ties On the other hand, if we start this phase during or right after an argument, the other person will most likely adopt a defensive attitude.

The explanation should be simple, honest and communicated spontaneously, without following a rigid script, so that the non-verbal language fully adapts to what is being said.

2. Examining past situations

Once the first step has been taken, and immediately after, if possibleit is advisable to remember together past absurd discussions and talk about your own point of view and what at that moment was thought to have been seen. This will make us learn things we didn’t know about how the other person sees the relationship, and what their expectations are and the elements they value most.

If this first conversation is about motivations that may interest both members of the couple equally, the simple fact of having had a dialogue of this type for the first time is very beneficial in itself.

3. Avoiding reproaches

In reminiscing about past discussions, There is a danger that both members of a couple must avoid: falling into reproaches

This does not mean that we cannot express things that made us angry at the time (in fact, it is advisable to do so), but that we have to pay attention to the way in which we communicate them so that they do not sound like a display of revenge in which We mainly look for the other person to repent and recognize that we are right. That is, it is a question of forms, not content

4. Scheduling talks about the status of the relationship

At this point, you may have been talking about the topic for quite some time, so It is best to end the first talk

However, the completion of this first session (since it is a self-therapy session, no matter how improvised and informal it may be) Both members of the couple have to commit to taking a moment to talk about how they perceive the relationship to give their point of view on possible real or potential conflicts, etc.

5. Giving up the internet as a means to communicate a lot

One of the measures to implement is, directly, reach an agreement to use the internet only to communicate what is essential and most objective Shows of affection sent through a chat can be fine if they are simple, but they should not be part of an overly elaborate speech. Real communication should be reserved only for situations where the dialogue is face to face.

The goal of this is to eliminate spaces where communication is ambiguous in moments when we are learning to adopt the other person’s point of view. Later, when it is perceived that the absurd discussions have subsided, the chats can be used again without restrictions.

6. Creating action protocols

In one of these talks Protocols can be established to carry out those discussions that we think are based on nothing, that is, in the lack of dialogue. For example, it can consist of a simple gesture. However, in order not to detract from this symbol, a firm commitment is necessary to not use this as a resource to escape from discussions based on something serious.