9 Strategies to Be More Assertive

Social skills are those skills and strategies that we put into practice every day with the aim of communicating successfully with the people around us and establishing functional, stable and adaptive relationships, both known and unknown. Therefore, they are constantly applied in all types of situations, both at work and in private life.

One of the most important social skills that exist is assertiveness, a quality that helps us express ourselves directly and defend our interests and points of view while respecting our interlocutors and ensuring that they feel comfortable in any communicative exchange with us. we. Luckily, this skill can be trained and learned through the use of assertiveness strategies

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is the skill that allows anyone correctly express feelings, ideas, points of view or opinions, both negative and positive in a respectful manner and without aggression or hostility of any kind towards the interlocutor.

It is one of the most important social skills, since it helps us communicate successfully with people in our personal and professional environment and allows us to assert our opinions or points of view even if we encounter opposition in front of us. Being assertive means daring to say what needs to be said, even though this may be a challenge.

Assertiveness allows us to be direct and say things clearly when communicating or to participate in debates, talks and even discussions of all kinds, without giving in to the fear of making mistakes or of being judged for our opinions.

In addition to that, this skill gives anyone who possesses it the ability to correctly project their voice, speak with an adequate volume of voice, with fluency, coherence and cohesion in the speech, since the assertive person does not always give in to what is said. It’s supposed to be expected of her.

In cases where the person has a low level of assertiveness, they experience great difficulty expressing themselves correctly. Luckily, there are a series of strategies, guidelines and tips that we can follow to train our assertiveness and be more assertive with the environment around us.

What are the main strategies we can follow to be more assertive?

These are the main general guidelines that psychology professionals recommend to improve our assertiveness.

1. Establish our priorities

One of the first tips we can follow to improve or train our assertiveness is to establish or organize our own priorities or essential values ​​that must be highlighted in a conversation before it takes place, especially if it is an important conversation.

A good way to do this exercise is to write down on paper everything that should be mentioned in the conversation: both interests and objectives, values ​​or beliefs, and order them all according to the importance they have for us.

This will help us organize our ideas, train what we want to say and have a guideline that we can follow in case we get lost during the conversation in which we participate.

2. Learn to say “No”

Knowing how to say “No” to someone is one of the essential skills that people who have a good level of assertiveness have. People with low levels of assertiveness find it difficult to say “No” or even raise anything that could generate controversy, even if it is important.

To overcome this problem, we can do a series of daily exercises. One of the most useful that we can put into practice consists of Aim to say “No” a certain number of times a week at least

This exercise will help us to have an objective limitation that helps us see stagnations, setbacks or advances in our ability to say “No”, and it also allows us to adjust that number depending on how difficult it is for us and the challenge it represents (without it being very difficult nor very easy).

3. Work on non-verbal language

In the field of social interactions, non-verbal communication is almost as important as the speech we transmit to the other person; that is why at To defend our position or approach it is necessary to adopt appropriate non-verbal language

Some of the tips that we can follow to achieve this goal may be to maintain a relaxed body posture at all times, avoiding having the body tilted, crossing our arms or not looking into the eyes.

The body posture that we adopt during a discussion or talk can project information that we do not want or feelings that do not correspond to our emotional state, such as fear or submission. That is why it is so valuable to be attentive to our non-verbal language. Besides, Maintaining correct posture will help us trust ourselves

4. Avoid constant apologies

People who have low levels of assertiveness tend to continually apologize for anything, which is one of the most reliable indicators to detect low assertiveness in any person.

When we have a conversation or discussion of any kind, we should avoid apologizing for expressing how we feel and be aware that our opinion is as valid as anyone else’s.

5. Work on active listening

Active listening is another of the essential skills that people with good levels of assertiveness share, since no communication can be satisfactory without listening to what the other person has to say and adapting our speech to it.

Active listening consists of pay as much attention as possible to what the other person is telling us and establish a genuine understanding regarding their intentions (and showing that we are listening). In addition, it also provides authority: we do not speak unilaterally, and therefore we expect to receive the same treatment.

In addition to that, we must avoid interrupting the other person in order to respect their turn to speak and have greater legitimacy when defending our positions.

• You may be interested: “Active listening: the key to communicating with others”

6. Be direct

Express what we feel clearly and directly, bluntly and stating from the first moment the essential core of our arguments is another of the basic characteristics of any assertive person.

That is why it is so important to have the ideas that we are going to present clear and organized, so sometimes it is advisable to write down what we are going to say, or to rehearse and previously train our speech either mentally or out loud in front of a mirror.

7. Start facing less difficult situations

To train our assertiveness abilities and especially if we have problems doing it successfully, It is essential to face easier situations at the beginning For example, being more assertive with trusted family and friends.

This will help us train our skills with familiar people with whom we will not feel so much fear or insecurity and with whom we can gain confidence in ourselves.

8. Train our public speaking skills

Oratory skills can be trained by psychology professionals and other experts in the field, and once acquired it will allow us to be much more assertive with our environment.

The most important public speaking skills are usually: correct diction, adequate voice volume, fluent speech and confidence in one’s own speech

9. If necessary, go to therapy

In psychotherapy it is possible to train key skills associated with assertiveness, such as stress management or improving self-esteem.

If you are interested in starting a process of this type, contact us; in Cepsim Psychological Center we can help you.