Emotional Abandonment: What Is It And How Can It Affect Us?
We all want to be accepted and loved, whether by our family, partner or group of friends, since social relationships are something that is within human nature and we always want them to be as healthy as possible.
However, sometimes it happens that we feel that a loved one does not give us enough attention or that he or she seems distant and cold, without knowing exactly why this is due.
Emotional abandonment is something that can be experienced with profound suffering and not everyone has to manifest the same consequences. In this article we will address this feeling, in addition to relating it to some disorders in which it plays an important role.
The term ’emotional abandonment’ is difficult to define, since it depends on how each person experiences it and the meaning they give to it. Trying to define it as objectively as possible, emotional abandonment is a subjective state in which a person feels unwanted, left out, or that a source of emotional support has been lost, either suddenly or gradually.
Since this is a situation of abandonment, the breaking of the emotional bond occurs unilaterally, that is, one of the two people involved in the relationship, whether family, friendship or intimate, stops being part of it without prior notice or very abruptly. When this happens, the other person, who feels attached to the person who has abandoned him, suffers the emotional consequences as a result of having been rejected.
Signs
Whether in a couple, among friends or in a family, There are several signs that indicate that a situation of emotional abandonment is occurring.
However, these can be so subtle that they are not perceived and an alarm situation does not arise. Although these behaviors may be very simple and apparently not done with bad intentions, in the long run they become very harmful. Some of the most common signs are:
1. Talk about routine and superficial topics
When two people who love each other spend just a few minutes a day chatting, talking about inane topics like the weather, can degenerate into a situation in which one of them does not feel loved enough by the other.
Also, in the area of friendships or with family, this can cause the relationship to cool down in the long run, making people with whom you share a lot, such as blood, seem like complete strangers.
2. When there are other people, everyone talks only to their own
Sometimes it happens that when you go out with your partner, one of the lovers has more relationship with the group of friends than the other, or they do not share the same friends.
Although it does not have to be a sign that indicates something serious, the fact that each of the two dedicates themselves to talking with their friends and leaving the other aside may indicate that there is a certain intention to ‘rest’ from the couple.
If this situation is repeated on several occasions, it may indicate that both are interested in ignoring each other when there are other people, taking advantage of this social situation.
3. Distrust
When two people, whether siblings, parents, friends or boyfriends, feel that they cannot count on each other for important matters, it is a clear indicator that there is a lack of trust.
At the same time, Lack of trust contributes to a situation of emotional abandonment because the victim feels that they are not taken seriously enough or valued, a very painful situation.
4. Disinterest in the affection of the other
Human beings, as social animals that we are, need affection. Caresses, hugs, kisses and words of praise are aspects that, although they may seem insignificant, are not.
When a person you love does not respond correctly to these acts, or gives them very little importance, it can generate a feeling of rejection.
A good relationship is one in which both feel equally loved, and reciprocate each other when showing affectionate acts.
Consequences and associated disorders
People who have been emotionally abandoned can manifest a wide range of problems associated with, which can vary in terms of their severity and impact on daily life. The most common types of symptoms are usually depressive, such as sadness, loss of interest in activities that were previously pleasurable, as well as avoiding interacting with other people, either due to fear of being hurt again or due to lack of desire.
It should be said that these types of situations are part of everyone’s life, and that is why one should not fall into the mistake that suffering emotional abandonment will necessarily imply the development of a psychological disorder, however it can be a risk factor. . A person who is going through a process of this type can function in a completely adapted way in their daily life, only they will do so by going through a bad streak.
This type of anxiety is seen by many as an important source of anguish and dysfunction in the individual.
Separation from the caregiver creates a situation that is a breeding ground for the perception of emotional abandonment.
Losing a relationship creates uncertainty in the individual. Not knowing whether or not the loved one will return, be it a parent or partner, along with the fear of not knowing if this adversity can be overcome generates emotional tension.
Separation anxiety can make the person who suffers it wonder things like if he/she is worthy of love, if he/she is responsible for the partner, friend or relative leaving him/her aside, if he/she will be able to find each other. to another person…
This, combined with the discomfort that the feeling of abandonment already causes, causes the person to constantly evaluate themselves, looking for defects and weak points.
2. Psychological trauma and Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Although this may be due to an extreme case, the truth is that there are people who manifest PTSD symptoms when their relationship with a loved one breaks down.
Constantly experiencing emotional suffering can generate a traumatic situation which although it does not have to become pathological, will produce important consequences in the way the person behaves.
If the breakup of the relationship was abrupt, the person may fear that, in future relationships, this event will occur again, living a situation of constant fear of the past repeating itself.
3. Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
Among the most characteristic symptoms of BPD are fear of criticism and social rejection, as well as a great fear of being abandoned.
People who suffer from this disorder are very sensitive regarding their relationships with other people, as well as difficulty controlling their emotions and impulsiveness.
It may also be accompanied by insecurity regarding your own identity and having paranoid thoughts.
4. Other problems
As has already been said, Emotional abandonment, although it is an unpleasant situation, does not have to imply pathology.
When experiencing one of these situations, the person can go through many different feelings, depending on what they experienced and their personality.
Some people hate themselves because they see signs that what happened is their fault and therefore believe they could have behaved differently to avoid it.
Others develop very low self-esteem, thinking that the fact of having been abandoned, especially in parent-child relationships, is because they are not worth it, that they are not how the other person would like them to be.
But the most unpredictable is the feeling of helplessness, especially when what we experienced happened suddenly. The person tries to find explanations for something that does not necessarily have to have them, leading them into a loop in which it will be very difficult for them to get out and, in response, they will fear getting back into a relationship.
Is it possible to overcome emotional abandonment?
Although, as we have already mentioned, emotional abandonment is not a characteristic symptom of a specific disorder, nor does it in itself allow anyone to be diagnosed, the truth is that there are ways to treat this problem.
Even if the person who expresses it is socially adapted, emotional abandonment is always something that generates discomfort, even if it is normal. If it is necessary to apply a treatment to be able to provide the person who requests professional help with those tools that allow him or her to overcome this state, this should be the case.
There are several treatments, whether focused on people without psychopathology or those who do manifest it which allow this problem to be effectively treated.
The popular Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has been shown to be effective in treating symptoms associated with depression, anxiety disorders and PTSD. There is also emotion-focused therapy or emotional regulation therapy, useful in depression.
Dialectical therapy is useful for addressing the negative and impulsive feelings present in BPD, along with acceptance and commitment therapy, which focuses on preventing the patient from recalling memories that cause suffering.
Although all of these treatments are useful, it should be noted that if a person is feeling that a loved one is emotionally abandoning them, the first step in seeing to what extent this is true should be to talk to their loved one. Whenever possible, the topic should be addressed, talking about the feelings that are being experienced and whether it is due to something done by the person who is suffering from it. Sometimes, a deep and sincere conversation can be the best remedy for the relationship.
