How To Forget Someone For A While And Feel Better: 10 Tips
In certain contexts in life, many people feel the desire to forget certain people who were important to them in the past. It happens especially when memories of this type are emotionally painful; for example, after suffering a disappointment or after having to let go of future plans that had been exciting.
Breakups, grieving processes, dismissals from work… Each one may have their reasons for feeling frightened by painful memories but the truth is that sometimes it is good to take measures against this form of discomfort.
In this article we will review some psychological keys about how to forget someone although it is not definitive and is simply due to the desire to feel better at a bad time.
To understand the keys to how to forget a person, it is first necessary to know how human memory works.
Once we have met a person, that information is processed unconsciously by our higher mental processes; that is, the mental processes linked to our ability to think about very abstract concepts. When we see and talk to someone for the first time (for example, when we are introduced to a person at a party), that experience causes us to create in our memory a mixture of ideas and impressions that we associate with that individual: friendly, funny, humble, clumsy, etc.
This mixture of ideas becomes interrelated, forming in our mind a notion of the identity of that person we have met, and as the relationship progresses, we add more elements to that network of ideas that at the same time behave like memories. Therefore, the memory we have about that person is a set of ideas and memories connected to each other, which in turn are connected to other contents of our mind (for example, the person who introduced them to us, the person who organized the party, etc.). The more we know someone, the more difficult it is for day-to-day experiences to stop reminding us of that individual because there are more “mental routes” that lead us to the mental representation of him that we have created in our heads.
Thus, forgetting someone does not consist of completely eliminating the memory we have of that person, among other things because that is impossible: it would imply having to suppress what is actually a combination of many concepts, ideas and sensations that we associate with him or her. she. What it is about is doing what is necessary to not think over and over again through those mental routes that lead us to always remember that friend, that ex-partner… To do this, we must weaken that network of memories that we have linked. with each other, making them more linked to other aspects of our lives.
The face, the voice, the skin color, etc. They are some of the first characteristics that we internalize about others at the moment of meeting them, as we get to know someone to a greater degree, discovering new things about this person, and they are increasingly the characteristics that we memorize. Getting to know someone is a process that takes time, and forgetting someone, too.
Thus, the term “forgetting someone” refers to a state of improvement that is achieved when the memory of a person no longer affects us negatively. Let’s see how it can be achieved.
1. Adopt a more realistic perspective
See things as they are really happening and not as we would like them to be. Avoid denial, face reality as it is, even though you don’t like it at the moment. This will prevent you from wasting time and energy trying to change something you can’t. This is one of the best tips on how to get over someone who is having trouble accepting the way their life has changed lately.
2. Don’t cling to the past
Understand that time is constantly moving, and that means that circumstances can change from one moment to the next; We must adapt to the changes. To insist on things always being the same is irrational and unhealthy.
We don’t have to keep quiet about what we feel. In fact, expressing our emotions greatly helps us forget someone. We must allow ourselves the possibility of saying what we feel. We can talk about it with a good friend, or go to therapy, if necessary.
4. Return to old hobbies
Taking time to rediscover ourselves is essential when we try to forget someone. Going back to doing activities that previously gave us enjoyment is a good way to do it; This helps focus our mind on ourselves and is a way to prevent intrusive thoughts.
5. Give us the opportunity to meet new people
When the time comes, once we have taken time to rediscover ourselves, it is good to interact with new people. Give us the possibility of meeting someone and enjoying the process. Not all men are equal, nor are women…
6. Avoid the state of constant anxiety
If we repeatedly carry out routines that make us anxious, such as smoking or putting off our responsibilities “for later”, we will be more likely to attract distressing memories to our minds. But if we avoid this unnecessary anxiety, over time we will stop feeding that network of memories linked to the person we want to forget.
Just because they have failed us in the past does not mean that the same will happen in the future. Bad experiences serve as lessons for us; The ideal is to nourish ourselves with them to realize What aspects of our personality should we work on to become stronger in the face of adversity?.
We don’t have to think that things will go wrong for us in the future, because it doesn’t have to be that way.
7. Avoid unnecessary contact
This is about voluntarily reduce the probability of having information about the person we want to forget. Avoid calls, text messages, “accidental” encounters… it is even advisable to eliminate the person from social networks so as not to come across their updates.
The less close we are with the person we want to forget, the closer we will be to achieving it. This includes both physical and emotional intimacy. Avoiding having long and deep conversations with that person is a goal that we must achieve.
Sleeping with someone you want to forget is counterproductive for both sexes, but it is especially harmful for women. Physical intimacy causes women to produce oxytocin, a hormone that triggers feelings of connection and affection.
9. Remove any memory from our sight
Even if we have managed to cut the ties of contact with the person we want to forget, It will be particularly difficult for us to do so if we have objects in visible places in our home that remind us of that person for example letters, anniversary gifts, etc.…
The ideal is to keep these things out of our sight. We don’t have to throw them away, just store them in a place where they are not exposed to our eyes.
10. Understand that everything is ephemeral
This step is fundamentally important for our objective, and if we manage to change our thinking about social relationships we will also make it easier for us to deal with the natural processes of society.
Forgetting is a natural part of social life. Taking into account that nothing lasts forever, we can enjoy our relationships in a healthy way, rejoicing in the good moments and facing the bad ones. If we have to say goodbye, we will be able to do it with our heads held high, knowing that there will always be new people, new experiences.
In conclusion
Depending on our personality characteristics, some steps on how to forget someone may be easier for us than others; We must be able to identify this and put special effort into those that complicate things for us.
And if you consider that it is worth having professional help, there are psychotherapists specialized in relationship breakups who can be very useful, and who can also assist you both in person and online.
