Feeling resentment can be a seemingly stimulating experience, since for some people it is something that adds meaning to life. The fact of feeling neglected, deceived or insulted by someone gives, for example, a reason to channel efforts into showing that person that “they couldn’t handle us”, that despite what happened they have moved forward. like nothing. Therefore, those who feel this way sometimes do not realize that they have a problem.
The truth is stopping feeling resentment is a much better option have to continue in that state of mind, as we will see. Basing a significant part of life on that makes no sense.
Before understanding why the tips on how to stop feeling resentful are useful, it is important to understand rather why it is important to leave behind this tendency to constantly evoke past experiences for which we feel resentful.
First of all, although holding a grudge against someone can provide a certain motivation In some contexts, we must also consider that while this sensation is experienced, there is also discomfort that arises from often thinking about something bad that happened to us in the past. This is already psychologically painful, and it can also contribute to us adopting a perspective on ourselves and on life that is too pessimistic to adjust to reality.
Secondly, the motivation it can provide does not have to be powerful enough to compensate the damage to self-esteem that usually occurs when those past grievances are remembered. But also, if it finally leads us to achieve a goal, the feeling is not usually one of triumph, since in the end it is only based on imagining that in a symbolic sense we have overcome the person who hurt us, something that has no what a lot means in more rational terms; That person was only special because of how bad he made us feel, but once his figure is demystified, what is left?
Below we will review several tips on how to stop feeling resentful. Keep in mind that for them to work you have to apply them to your daily habits, not just think about them.
1. Take a distant perspective
Virtually any life experience can be seen from a more subjective perspective, on the one hand, or more distant, calm and rational. Of course, it is not possible to spend your entire life experiencing things from a bird’s eye view, as if everything were happening to someone else. But sometimes, choosing this at specific times is very useful to regulate emotions.
2. If possible, contact that person
Many times, everything is resolved with dialogue. Even if the reason we feel resentment stems from an intentionally hostile action towards us, It is very possible that in the present moment, the person who harmed us will regret it.
So it is worth creating the opportunity for resentment to go away on its own by having nothing to hold on to, if reconciliation or an honest apology occurs.
There are those who do not feel resentment for a specific person, but for an abstract group, or even for society in general. Therefore, in these cases it is necessary to reflect on the true reasons why that feeling is there and make sure that you are not attributing your own discomfort to something that It only exists in our imagination.
4. Manage your attention well
It is not about being distracted, but about becoming aware that if we were constantly thinking about everything bad that happens, we would never get out of bed, but that would not give us a deep understanding of what the world is. We have limited time and resources, so we have to know recognize the existence of both good and bad.
Sometimes, this vital pessimism is maintained because it is believed that although it does not make us feel good, it at least gives a real vision of what is happening. Realizing that this is false is important to let go of this dynamic of negative thoughts.
5. Strengthen your friendships
If the intensity of negative thoughts towards one or more people is greater than the feelings of attachment we feel for others, it’s easy to focus only on the first thing. Therefore, being together with friends and loved ones in general makes it even less sense to hold on to resentment. People who feel good have no time or reason to make that mental state one of the pillars of their daily lives.
