I Hate My Father: What Can I Do To Stop Feeling That Way?

Family life can be a great source of conflict which, if not properly managed, can become a ball that gets bigger over time.

The reasons for this tendency to intensify certain conflicts have to do with many factors: daily treatment (which makes it difficult to take a few days of respite to better empathize with the other during the reunion), the importance of parental roles and the severity of negligence in the care and education of sons and daughters, etc.

Therefore, sometimes, many patients who attend therapy show a high degree of anger and resentment towards one of the parents, or both. Phrases like “I hate my father” are relatively common in this area.

Possible reasons for hatred of the father and how to solve it

However, What to do when conflicts of this type become very intense and seem to be chronic?

There are many possible causes that explain the birth of this feeling of hatred, and that is why here I will focus on some of the most common that have to do with the role of parents in Western cultures.

1. If it is because of a feeling of guilt

In some cases in family history, traumatic events occur and the blame is attributed to someone specific, even though doing so is a simplification. It’s a way to have a target on which to vent frustration

The figure of the father, who has traditionally been related to the role of protector of the family, is often the target of these recriminations. To solve these situations, it is necessary to restructure the thinking patterns and beliefs about what happened so that a more realistic perspective is adopted with more nuances and details.

2. If it is due to a history of abuse

In some cases, the accumulated resentment against the father is due to a history of sexual abuse committed by him.

These may be recent or have been committed in the distant past, but in both cases the solution must involve the opening of a judicial avenue that makes it possible to clarify whether these abuses were really committed or not. During the process, the person must remain isolated from the influence of the father, due to the possible physical or psychological damage that the father may cause, in addition to avoiding manipulation based on emotional blackmail. Due to the physical constitution of boys, the parents’ ability to use physical coercion is greater, so it is necessary to take security measures.

Any possibility of possible reconciliation between the father and the son or daughter must be subject to a clear reintegration and sufficiently proven by the first, in the long term.

3. If it is due to parental negligence

Parental neglect, understood as the abandonment of children and the refusal to carry out the care and education tasks that must be carried out by caregivers on a mandatory basis, is a form of child abuse that usually leaves traces on people’s behavior. when they become adults. Among these traces, the feeling of hatred is common

In these cases, reconciliation is usually difficult, since parents who have neglected the care of their children and the establishment of emotional ties with them during their childhood usually no longer feel attached to them when they are adults, which makes the Separation is an effective strategy to avoid having to constantly think about all those things related to parents.

In cases where the latter show regret and want to start having a healthy relationship with their children, the help of psychotherapeutic assistance is usually a requirement.

4. If it is due to communication failures

Defects in communication are a source of problems and conflicts not only between parents and children, also in the relationship of all members of a family in general. The adoption of very limited family roles and the creation of taboo topics can create an oppressive atmosphere within the family in which people cannot express themselves honestly, which is usually associated with the appearance of a state of self-esteem. -continuous surveillance and, therefore, stress, which can be a source of explosions of anger and anger.

In these cases it is also advisable to attend forms of psychotherapy in which several of its members are worked on at the same time, in order to ensure that communication flows.