How To Open The Eyes Of A Manipulated Person

When a person is being a victim of manipulation, we can observe that one of the most obvious things that happens is a change of actitud general on its part. Surely, due to the pressure exerted by the manipulator. You see that the person change your lifestyle he no longer goes out to dinner with you on Fridays like he used to, he even changes the way he dresses and doesn’t go anywhere without the other person, unless he or she already has plans first without him or her.

You detect that every time you see each other and he is not with that person he does not stop look at the mobile and write to him. The feeling is that they have changed the person you knew, it is as if they have gone to bed and woken up another person who does not fit in with the one you got along so well with. Furthermore, you realize how difficult it is for him to do everything that previously motivated him so much, he has changed his habits and has adopted those of the other person. When you ask him the reason for these changes, his answers are usually either avoiding the question so as not to answer or things like “I’ve never really liked it so much and now I’ve realized it.”

It is often difficult to know How can someone feel when they are being manipulated? since from the outside it seems that so much has changed, and partly because this person has wanted to, that it can generate confusing feelings about how you should feel.

That is one of the great dilemmas of manipulation, to what extent is the manipulated person conscious of deception and what degree of responsibility can be attributed to him. Due to this dilemma, many of the people around the manipulated person do not show support either, largely because they do not know how to do it and partly because the person is not very aware of the spiral into which they have entered.

Suffering manipulation can generate feelings of loneliness. Firstly, because the person experiences changes in their daily life, which, although they seem freely chosen, have been imposed in the form of deception by the other person and that can generate a dissonance between how they really think, feel and act, but does not dare to confront and ends up complying. Secondly, loneliness occurs because the environment does not understand the changes either and some may think that it is something that has been voluntary and that the person has decided on their own, which leads to social distancing.

The person who enters this circle of manipulation sees their self-esteem diminish because little by little it is losing its essence and becoming the person the other person wants you to be.

It should be noted that on many occasions this domination of the manipulative person is subtle and it is being done gradually In several stages, the objective is to nullify the other person’s defenses. To do this, a lot is played with the role of emotions and the idea of romantic love. In this way, it will be very difficult for the manipulated person to distinguish when the relationship is exceeding the limit of what has been agreed upon as acceptable.

Below we will see how to help and how to open the eyes of a manipulated person:

1. Respect

As mentioned above, for other people who have experienced manipulation from a position of observer, it can often be difficult for them to understand how that person could have fallen into deception and it has cost them so much or is costing them so much. get out of this. Each person has a time of acceptance of situations and circumstances and we must respect it, as long as your life is not threatened. We must be there to help them in the process of opening their eyes but respecting their time, since if we put too much pressure on the person and they do not seem prepared to explain everything that happened, they may close down.

2. Support

It is one of the most important points we can offer to a person who has been immersed in a manipulative relationship. Throughout the entire relationship, the support you have received has not been real support but rather the result of deception. We must make that person perceive that we are there for anything and you can count on us for whatever. Phrases like: “You know I’m here for whatever you need, even though right now you feel like you can’t tell me what’s happening to you” can help, or “Whatever is happening to you, you know you can tell me, I’m here and I won’t.” I’m going to move”, “Lately I see you differently and this fact worries me, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask me for help.”

3. Don’t judge

It may be that he has changed in that time, due to the situation of manipulation he has experienced, perhaps he has left you aside a little more and you have felt that he has not taken you into account or valued you as he should. It is important to understand that in a manipulation situation the person is not himself 100%, since it is being controlled by someone else. Try not to blame certain things that can make the person feel guilty and make them withdraw more into themselves.

4. Don’t press

The manipulation relationship, on various occasions, is already a constant pressure. It is important that from the outside we try not to put more pressure on the person than they may already be or have been pressured. Let’s give time for the person to open their eyes or start their life again. As long as we do not fear for the person’s life and this person is not at high risk of danger.

5. Assess

Explain everything you like about that person, what you see in them. The first step sometimes to valuing oneself, and even more so later in a manipulative relationship, is to see that other people see qualities in you. This fact can also serve as a confrontation to see that the person he has or has had next to him has not done it and as a consequence the person has also stopped doing it.

6. Empower

Just as valuing the other person can be one of the factors that can help them who are being manipulated, empowering them as well. It is about you, as an observer and as a person who has known the other for some time, explaining to them everything she is capable of doing on her own because you have seen it and because you trust that person.

7. Help express

The manipulative relationship has most likely made the person feel that their opinion, their feelings, their emotions are less than those of other people, and that they have constantly been belittled. It is very important that with you he is able to express what he really feels and wants. At first it may be difficult because of the dynamics in which the person has been immersed, even so it is important to try to get the person to express what they want, even in very banal things.

8. Make decisions

Probably one of the things that the manipulative relationship has been able to cause in the other person is insecurity when making decisions, since all the previous ones were highly conditioned by the person who manipulated. It is important to try as much as possible and when a situation like this is detected, that during the time or in the case that the relationship has left, try to get the person to start making decisions and see that It is she who has the reins of her life.

9. Help set limits

Perhaps one of the things that could have caused the manipulated person to have such an effect on that person is the difficulty in establishing boundaries in the relationship. Help the person with your relationship – whether you are their friend, their family member, their co-worker – to dare to set some limits. Being able to say no, on many occasions, the best limit that exists, expressing what one feels can also serve to reach agreements in relationships, negotiate, etc.

10. Set objectives

Manipulative relationships often cause the person to lose many of the goals they had or create new ones, since most of them are based on what the other person wants. Help the person discover what they want and What purposes do you have from now on?.

11. Listen

It is important that, if we want to help someone, we actively listen to that person. One of the most important points of active listening is not to judge the person next to you and respect their emotions and feelings. To use active listening it is important to have time to dedicate to the other person and show interest. Active listening also involves paying attention to body language or non-verbal language; the look, whether he smiles or smiles at us, facial signs when pronouncing certain words, it is about observing body expression.

12. Psychoeducate

Sometimes in a conversation we can make ourselves come in handy to explain what manipulation entails – having previously informed ourselves – to help open the eyes of a person who is in that type of relationship. On the other hand, if the person has already realized that the relationship is not doing them any good, explaining the consequences that having gone through such a relationship may have sometimes calms the anxiety that the person may have. Here you can see the consequences of a toxic relationship.

13. Remember

Perhaps the person has abandoned old hobbies, no longer does many of the things that once fulfilled him or her, and has even changed the way he or she dresses, as noted above. It may be useful to mention things that you had shared before the relationship you now have with that manipulative person and that you had enjoyed together or topics that he previously talked to you about and commented on and now he no longer does. The moment he mentions that he no longer likes all of that, you can try to assertively investigate whether he really doesn’t like it anymore or has given up for someone else.

14. Validate

It is important that we validate what the person tells us they feel or help the person express what they feel through validation and empathy.

• For example: “I understand, then, after everything you have told me, that you must have felt very alone in this situation, I feel very bad that you have gone through this.” Or: “If what you are telling me had happened to me, I don’t know exactly what I would have done, but I think I would feel very hurt. How do you feel?”.

15. Ask

In the event that you see that the person does not open up, we can try to ask how they feel or if the relationship is okay, always in an assertive way and trying to make the person not feel judged.

16. Confront

Sometimes, people cling to things that are harmful to us without knowing very well why, in the event that you see the person who is suffering, but does not want to abandon what hurts them, we can use confrontation. Eye! Confrontation is not saying “you are in a very harmful relationship”, but rather, assertively, indicating something that may have an impact on the person. that makes you think which does not mean making a decision.

• Example: “I understand that you can’t come to my birthday, it will be another year! Even so, we had a dinner with the whole group of friends the other day and you didn’t come either. Obviously, nothing happens, but I get the feeling that since you are with .

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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