They say that at work (in a dependency relationship), as in marriage, those who are inside want to leave and those who are outside want to enter.
Since human beings have been walking the planet, social life, or even life in general, has produced discomfort. Those who are happiest are not so because of luck or because they do not have problems, but because They learned to live with them , to interpret what happens differently; In short, they have developed skills to deal with everyday discomforts and those that they have to deal with particularly in their life journeys. Ability? Yes, it is a skill that some develop intuitively.
But the majority we must learn it consciously no matter at what age, so as not to lead our body and mind towards illness.
It is not about being masochistic, but about accepting in the first place that the possible levels of well-being (which we can provide ourselves with in our environment or which we can access) are fluctuating, and that in general Many of the causes that cause these fluctuations are beyond our control or possibilities of change.
But let’s go back to the work situation. It is not true (nor is it true in marriage) that every relationship, in this case work, is frustrating. There are very rewarding ones, and yet, some discomfort will be circling from time to time, either because the work relationship is not stable, because we must be away from our loved ones for a long time, because the colleagues we have have some values. with which we do not agree and put us at times in borderline situations of acceptance, etc.
In short, experiences of discomfort at work can be too varied to describe them all; However, we can rely on certain guiding and organizing schemes of behavior that help us to channel emotions and thoughts into effective actions , that is, consistent with our objectives. To do this, then, let us first be clear about the objectives for which we are in the place where we are working.
1. Identify the problems
After having accepted that “discomforts” will always exist, it is important make a record of what they all are and write them down When writing them all down, you must give them an order of importance, since the effective way to solve problems is by taking them one at a time. Start with the first one on the list. Give it a score from 1 to 10.
2. Establish what causes the problem
Analyze the source of it, detect where it comes from: whether from internal sources (that is, those that have a certain independence from the place where you are, such as “I get bored easily after a while in any job”, “I procrastinate in all the time”) or from external sources (“in this place I am pressured to take actions that oppose my values and beliefs”, “I have to tolerate the bad mood and bad treatment of my boss or colleague from time to time” so much”, “they load me with more and more work”).
3. Express in words what you feel
Describe the emotions and thoughts that this discomfort brings : “I get depressed and tell myself that I am useless” (if it is internal) or “it irritates me so much that I can’t stand it anymore and I want it to go away” (if the stimulus starts outside).
It is important that you know that changes in thoughts change emotions and changes in emotions change thoughts, and in turn reactive impulsivity can make the problem worse. Therefore, next you have to question your thoughts. Is it possible that your perception or the way you judge the situation or yourself is not entirely correct? What other answers or reasons can explain what is happening and bothering you? Try to look for other explanations even if they seem forced.
It is important not to forget your objectives
If the source of the discomfort comes from stimuli external to you, even if your assessments and perceptions are accurate and well-founded, you must relate them to your objectives and make decisions about them. Many times the values (of good and bad, fair and unfair, equitable, etc.) or your beliefs must remain in the background if it is necessary or vital to maintain your objectives, especially when these cannot be achieved. carried out by other means in the short and medium term.
For example, a co-worker has opportunistic behavior with your peers and you and that makes you angry, but at the same time you know that his profile is vital for the manager and that in the event of a direct confrontation, your superior will prioritize your co-worker before To you, in that case, everything your head says about the unfairness of the situation, about the unethical or unethical nature of your partner’s behavior may be true, but at the same time little or not at all effective if you say it angrily. and if your goal is to keep that job when job opportunities in your environment or region are scarce.
In that case you should explore options and moments. See how to say what is necessary and that serves you in the immediate present so that opportunistic behavior is minimized, postponed, and that allows you to maintain the greatest peace of mind and stability while you continue in that organization.
It is not a question of evading all the time, but nor of confronting at every step that your moral voice demands it of you; Learning to go through the middle is, as we said at the beginning, a skill that is learned and that will not always turn out well. However, by making your discomforts conscious, describing your emotions and thoughts as precisely as possible, by being clear about your objectives/goals and the weight you give to each discomfort, you will be in better strategic conditions to know how to act when and in what way.
Do the exercise with each problem or situation that causes you discomfort on your list, and you will see that the spectrum of alternative behaviors that you gain to confront said state expands. This way you will realize how your criteria for evaluating reality increase and new skills are automated to deal with everyday life, making you feel more personally secure while improving your emotional stability.
After all, if the discomfort at work is very high and beyond the attempts and strategies you cannot sustain it safely for your mental and physical health, don’t stay in it or in the comfort zone reflects on the popular phrase “jump, and then the network will appear.”
There are many happy and fulfilling experiences of those who believed they could not find new opportunities and, on the contrary, new paths and decisions led them to a better quality of life.
