Having a partner with an addiction problem is not easy. Addiction problems are among the most serious and disabling types of psychological problems. Addiction destroys the lives of millions of people every year.
And not only the person who develops the problem of addictive behavior suffers, but also the people around them.
In this article I am going to give you some basic guidelines to help your partner overcome their addiction
Helping your partner face and overcome an addiction
Keep these tips in mind to make it easier for the addiction to fade.
1. Empathize
Suffering from an addiction is hard, but living with a person with addiction can be the same or worse. It is a situation that can cause a lot of frustration, helplessness, and suffering in family members, partners, and friends.
That’s why, It is common for close people to end up exploding under so much pressure and make the mistake of judging too much Yes, the person is responsible for their decisions, but we must understand that addiction consists precisely in the person losing control over their consumption behaviors.
If your partner suffers from addiction and you want to help him overcome it, the first thing you need is to understand his problem. Family and partner are often an essential aspect in addiction recovery processes. Support and understanding are very important.
With this I am not saying that one has to resign oneself to “put up with anything.” Later in this article I will talk about limits.
We would all like there to be a green button that, when pressed, would instantly solve all of our partner’s addiction problems Unfortunately, it is a complex process, and relapses are a (bitter) part of the process.
Most people take many months (even years) to overcome an addictive behavior problem. We must adjust our expectations, be aware that it is a complex and long process, and it is very possible that there will be relapses along the way.
It is important reinforce the first advances, even if they seem small Small commitments and efforts, small changes in daily life, recovering past activities, exercising, studying again, etc.
If your partner suffers a relapse after having decided to stop using or reduce consumption, your support will be essential. Encourage him to vent his frustration and difficulties, encourage him to continue telling you the truth (instead of lying to you and hiding his consumption), help him focus on his progress and learn small lessons from relapses (in order to avoid them in the future).
3. Set an example
Unfortunately, I have encountered parents who wanted their teenage children to quit smoking (when they had been smoking in front of them all their lives), or people who drank alcohol normally in front of their partner who was trying to overcome alcoholism.
It may seem obvious, but it doesn’t hurt to repeat it: the example we set is important It’s not everything, but it is important.
When our partner has identified the factors and situations that promote their desire to consume (or carry out any type of addictive behavior), they will need our support to avoid certain stimuli or even places.
This, in many cases, can be social events, “party” environments, consumption of other substances (almost always alcohol), etc.
If, for example, our partner used to use cocaine after consuming alcohol, it would not be wise to start drinking wine during our romantic dinner (and awaken his desire to consume alcohol) at the beginning of his detox phase.
The best thing you can do is encourage healthy activities that are incompatible with their addictive behaviors.
4. Set limits
Love cannot do everything. No matter how much we love a person, that will not justify certain extremes or even situations of psychological abuse Unfortunately, some people only change when they are forced to by context. For example, when they are given an ultimatum, when they see that they are at real risk of losing a partner, their children, etc.
If living with that person is causing you a lot of harm and has reached a point that you can no longer stand… it is not mandatory that you stay with that person. You did what you could, and your mental health should always come first.
As I explained before, overcoming an addiction is not a matter of one day to the next, of deciding and that’s it. Do not demand that your partner stop the addictive behavior immediately, because if he has not done so until now it is because he does not know how to do that.
Yes, you have every right in the world to ask him to start working on his addiction problems with a professional If she decides not to, and you feel unhappy around her, you can leave. And you may be doing him a favor in the long term, making him rethink his life and at some point decide to seek professional help and make changes to his lifestyle.
No matter how much you love him, you cannot be his psychologist or his psychiatrist All your efforts should be dedicated to encouraging your partner to see an addiction professional with enough training to help him overcome such a complex problem.
First they will evaluate the case, analyzing the person’s consumption habits, how the addiction developed and how it evolved over the years, their previous attempts at a solution, their history of relapses, as well as the emotional problems that keep the addiction active.
And after the evaluation, they will help the person design a relapse prevention strategy and plan, as well as work on the emotional problems that keep the person trapped in addiction (self-esteem problems, anxiety, depression, etc.).
The addiction psychologist will also advise loved ones on how to support the person during their process to overcome addiction, how to coordinate, how to behave in case of relapse, etc.
My name is Luis Miguel Real, and I have been working as a psychologist specializing in addictions for several years. I can help you and your partner banish addiction from your lives. Contact me and we will start working as soon as possible.
